Intravenus De Milo

True Crime Story...

2011-02-23T16:02:00.010-05:00

(NOT mine and my brother's room. My little sister's room circa 1978)

Earlier this week I linked to a post over at ‘Trina Likes Wine’ which had inspired me to jot down a fond childhood memory that had me laughing out loud in its retelling. Trina it turns out came from a large family too and I’m pretty sure her childhood stories will fill her blog pages for years just as mine has.

Well, Trina has done it again. Her latest post about rooming with her sister bubbled up another one for me. Yes, my brother and I fought occasionally like Trina and her sister, but the funny story has nothing to do with fighting.

In 1976, we were living in Newport News, Virginia while my father was stationed at Fort Monroe. As a family of seven living off post these were lean times, but none of us kids were aware of it (I mean who didn’t eat Hamburger Helper every night back then, right?) and it was an idyllic life we lead for the most part. One of the family sacrifices made to austerity was that we didn’t go on ‘vacations’. Meaning, we NEVER went to the beach for a week, or went to Disney World, the Grand Canyon, etc… What we did do when dad took time off of work was drive to my grandparents house in Raleigh North Carolina in an unairconditioned station wagon for week to 10 day visits. The quintillion hours it took to get there sucked pretty bad. My grandparents neighborhood was full of old people and was stiflingly boring, but us kids made the best of it. We did love seeing our grandparents, but given our sheer numbers and the giant dog that we dragged along I wondered if the feeling was mutual. Whatev’s…

It was during one of these trips that my parents were informed by the neighbor kid who was feeding the cat while we were away, that somebody had burgled and ransacked our house the previous night and one of them needed to return right away. I remember my mother being very upset on the phone about the whole idea of criminals being in our house, you know, the whole violation of space thing. I didn’t get it then, but I do now of course. Little did she know that my brother and I were going to add to her anxiety in the coming twenty four hours.

My grandfather picked up the tab for the immediate airplane flight my mother took back to Newport News to meet the police detectives who were waiting for her to determine what items had been taken and sort the whole thing out. When she arrived police cars, detectives, and plain clothes cops were everywhere taking fingerprints and interviewing the now throngs of neighbors who had collected at the end of the driveway out of curiosity. The lead detective on the scene greeted my mother at the garage and gave her the run down: more than one perp broke out a window on the backdoor, probably teenagers looking for beer/pot money, etc… He then proceeded to walk my distraught mother through the house to help his team of detectives determine what was missing. They stopped, acknowledged, and walked past the desk in the living room which had been dumped over and papers strewn all over the place. The strong box which was stored under the desk had been open and a bunch of coins were missing. Mom said that there was a detective dusting for prints, and my mother commented that what they got couldn’t have been much, at least from the desk and strong box. The detective said that the burglars did most of their damage to mine and my brother’s bedroom. “Oh really, why would they do that?”, my mom exclaimed. He went on to deduce that the damage and mess they made ransacking our room indicated that they seemed certain something of value must have been in there.

My mother’s face went ashen as they made the turn at the top of the stairs and entered our room, not by the thought of criminal psychopaths having invaded our family space and violating our bucolic suburban security, but for a different reason entirely.

See, my brother and I weren’t, shall we say, particular about how we kept our room. As a matter of fact, if I’m being honest here on a regular basis our room looked like one of those people you see on the A&E Channel’s “Hoarders” show. My mother had to tell the detective that they need not waste anymore time combing this part of the “crime scene” or dusting for prints, that nothing of value was being scoured for in our room by determined criminal perpetrators, unless my Kiss ‘Destroyer’ album constituted something of value (actually, Kiss ‘Destroyer’ has tremendous value because it to this day kicks so much major ass, but it could have easily been had for $5.99 at any record store at the time).

The neighborhood teenagers who were eventually caught made off with a bunch of silver dollar coins which they exchanged for quarters to play pinball at the local 7-11 and perhaps a few pieces of my mom’s jewelry if I remember correctly, but since my brother and I had cleverly and fortuitously employed what we now referred to as the ’Chaos Concealment Method’ to secure all of our valuables we suffered no losses during the burglary. I guess we should have told our mom to use that one.

The Two Guys Live Shakedance...

2010-10-19T12:11:00.011-04:00

A couple of years ago thanks to Facebook, my brother was reconnected with an old high school chum from the big brain set. Jim was also an enthusiastic music aficionado and guitar player who I’d bump into from time to time at some of our post high school heavy metal vomit jams in my friend Brian’s basement. Solid chops, always quiet, but a true gentlemen long before any of us every knew what the word meant. At some point in the mid eighties, both my brother and I lost touch with Jim as he headed down to study engineering, or math or something, at Georgia Tech we would discover following our reconnection.

Apparently that wasn’t the only thing he studied. Turns out Jim immersed himself way deep into traditional blues guitar. I don’t know how well he did with fluid dynamics, or numerical methods, but the man certainly mastered Mississippi John Hurt and Lightnin' Hopkins at the post doc level during his tenure as a Yellow Jacket undergrad.

As we were also to discover, Jim cofounded his post college band The Urban Shakedancers, an almost signed/missed it by that much, popular local band whom I had the pleasure of hearing countless times following my recent arrival to Atlanta in the spring of 1991 and on visits prior. My newly minted friends would take me to see these guys whenever we could since their own high school friends were band members as well. The thing is… I had no idea that was Jim playing guitar and was stunned to realize that the two of us were in the same room MANY times during that era and never managed to reconnect. My buds and I were pretty big Shakedancer fans to be sure.

My brother and I find all this out while attending our first show by Jim’s current band The Breeze Kings. The two of us sat there in awe while the crowd was up on their feet dancing like 50 years had not passed. I’m telling you the joint was jumping. Guys twirling girls around their waists, throwing them into the air, etc… it was a sublime moment. And Jim’s band? Two words: Fucking SWINGIN’ Jack!!! (okay that’s three words). My brother and I immediately picked up both of the BK’s CD’s and they’ve been in heavy rotation since in both our households.

A few months later, I mentioned to Jim in passing that one of my old friends owned a club down in Five Points that had a good vibe and decent house system. I thought it might be a good place for the Breeze Kings to play. It was summertime and with school out, Five Points retreats into a much mellower scene than it has during the semesters as club owners leave the doors open to air their places out from nine months of merriment that are stuck to the floors. Jim thought that perhaps it might be a good opportunity to work on their duo act (him and Carlos) that they were tuning up for gigs where the bread wasn’t sufficient to justify the whole band. During my reconnection with my old club owning friend, I discovered he had an old long unused 16 bit ADAT recorder stuffed in the house systems rack that he swore ‘worked’. I tossed out the idea to Jim of recording the performance which was met by a sort of “What the hell…” response.

It took some doing to get it all to work that night (the ADAT actually had dried vomit on the transport, I kid you not!), but I managed to capture two long sets of The Breeze Kings Lite that night. The next order of business was to dump it up to the hard drive in the studio and make thumbnail mixes for Jim and Carlos. I had the discs lying around waiting to drop in the mail when my brother next came to visit from Ashville. He and I typically stay up into the wee hours playing and rapping about music, so I tossed the BK demo into the player for him to taste. After three or four tunes he said, “Ya know what? That sounds like a record, can you burn me a copy without Jim getting pissed?” I listened to it a couple more times in the following weeks and came to the same conclusion myself. Turns out Jim and Carlos thought the same as well. Thus, this whimsical little tune up session on a hot summer weeknight in Five Points Atlanta (with the aid of Jeff Bakos mix and Chris Griffin mastering job) became the Veritone Records release “Two Guys Live”.

This record stands as one of my proudest accomplishments as a behind the board wannabe dude. I’ve worked on countless projects in my studio and others and this one simple truth always manages to prove itself: The best moments captured on tape come when you’re not even trying.

The Breeze Kings ‘Two Guys Live’ is a collection of some mighty fine moments. Take the chance, go to their website and pick up a copy. If you wanna get off your feet, pick up a copy of “You Got To Bring Some to Get Some” too. You will not be disappointed.

For the fun of it...

2010-10-03T21:45:00.045-04:00

I think it was almost five months ago when my long time friend Bryan said to me, “Dude, you should join this Christian band I’m playing bass in”. “You know Joyce Gruschow? Well, she made this record up in Nashville and she wants to put a band together to do some shows behind it”, he added. I was aware of the record since Joyce and Michael had asked me to record a five song demo for it a year earlier, but that wasn’t going to change what my response was, “Why on earth would I want to do that?” He quickly responded, “Come on man, it’ll be fun.”

My concerns were many, but not least of which was the glaring fact that contemporary lite Christian music is really not my thing, but the caliber of musicians already recruited, including Bryan who is quite the accomplished player, was WAY above my ability. I could easily envision getting the stink eye from any and all of them as I stumbled my way through a myriad of arthritis inducing “hard chords” while dragging the whole sound into a garage band style morass. “Ah, no thanks…” I said, clerverly deducing that Bryan himself had been asked to join, and knowing him all these years, could not say no and just wanted a partner in his self created misery. I suspected he reported a different response back to the fledgling members of Joyce’s band, that my response was something closer to say, “Maybe”. This was confirmed when piano player Mike Fleisch pulled up to my house while I was leisurely applying a coat of wax to my car on the next sunny Sunday and said, “Why weren’t you at practice today?” So with EXTREME trepidation, I agreed to attend ONE rehearsal. The extent to which I had been played was revealed to me when, once Joyce determined she wanted three part vocal harmony, I was sent out to recruit my own sister Cindy and was dispatched to her place to deliver very the same pitch Bryan had speiled to me, her response was a familiar “Ah, no thanks…”. Ole Mike Fleisch paid her a visit as well and low and behold there she was nervously standing behind a microphone at our next rehearsal.

Flash forward to last night and there we all were, Pat and his sister Cindy along with all the members of Second Chance, Joyce Gruschow’s backing band in the opening slot for the “Your Not Alone Tour" on their Peachtree City stop at the Fredrick Brown Amphitheater. My friend Bryan was sort of set up in front of me during our performance and although I couldn’t see his face from my vantage point, I’m certain he wore a satisfying smirk at the success of his little scheme. Well played sir.

My first surpirse came as we worked through the first couple of twice a week rehearsals. It was after one of these rehearsals that it suddenly dawned on me what I had been missing all these years. It had been so long that I forgotten what it felt like. That being the enjoyment and satisfaction of playing music with real live people. That may sound funny to most, but for the last twenty years, any playing I did was to machines and/or pre-recorded tape in the studio. My personnel studio work through those years has all been small to elaborate overdub projects. Once I learned my parts well enough, and thanks to some of the kindest, patient, and encouraging musicians I've ever known, I found myself really experiencing that satisfaction long lost and the band sounded better and better with each passing rehearsal.

All this preparation was for our first gig as the opening act for the before mentioned tour. Regardless of genre, most bands first gigs usually take place in a small bar or restaurant. Nope, not ours. Ours was going to take place on the stage of an amphitheater with a huge stage and professional sound and lights. Nervous? It’s not a strong enough word, and after hearing all the tour bands sound check, I felt like I’d funneled five Red Bulls.

Anchoring my immediate fears early in the day was the mear fact that we were an opening act, and having worked a few crew jobs in my time, I’m familiar with how crappy the opening act is treated with regard to their setup, monitor sound, performance time, etc… hell, most of the time they don't even get fed. You wonder why opening acts sound like crap most of the time? It’s not by accident I assure you. But this was a Christian tour and the sound company catered to churches large and small. When I asked to hear more piano in my monitor during sound check I braced myself for some snidely punk guy at the monitor console to breathe a heavy sigh and mutter, “everybody’s a rock star…” before reluctantly turning the knob, but instead what I got was a quick and pleasant, “Yes sir”. That was the way it was all day. Pleasent, polite, and upbeat people everywhere.

As the date drew near, amongst the various worries were making sure our set stayed within our allotted time, but as we took the stage after the first band had cleared out and the stagehands had set our stuff up a new terror gripped my spine: NOT blowing it in the first song, an up tempo number the sort of features my guitar. As luck would have it, I fobbed a crucial part in that first tune and in the horror of fumbling the chords, I bit the hell out of my tongue which is still killing me as I type this. I managed to get back on track and finished the song following the rule that we all work by: when lost, stop playing until you know where you are and jump back in at the begin of a measure.

Then something amazing happened. With all those people cheering and while getting setup for the next tune, a calm fell over me and from that moment on I felt not an ounce of nervousness. Not just that, I was as relaxed as if I was by myself in the comfort of my home studio playing to tape. I began having the time of my life and made no major mistakes for the rest of the show (at least any I immediately recognized, the tape might tell a different story). No matter, we finished with our big epic number and the crowd responded well. I really cannot remember the last time I had so much fun. As rewarding: Watching my sister experience the magical gypsy like circus of a real professional live concert production. Naturally, I immediately began to feel guilty about enjoying myself while countless people had been working their asses off all day, for months really, and we really did nothing more than show up and play our set.

My mother and father somehow managed to keep secret the surprise visit of my youngest sister who flew down from Maryland to join my brother and my other sister to see the show. The after party at our house was EPIC, the last guest calling it a night a 2:30 AM. It was simply a perfect day from beginning to end.

I’ll be honest, some of the adoration that goes on at these shows is still a bit weird for me as a long fallen Catholic, but my wife, my kid, mom, dad, brother, sisters, and many of our friends turned up for the event. I hope we get to do it again real soon. More pictures up on my Facebook page if you’re interested.

I'd like to take the opportunity to thank Joyce and all the members of the band who convinced me that this was something I wanted to do, and that includes my wife. When your head is as thick as mine, sometimes it's hard to concede that someone knows better.

Lastly, it may sound cliché, but a hearty thanks to every member of the crew and to the Knights of Columbus for their tireless work on this show.

The Jersey Shore...

2010-08-01T10:18:00.018-04:00

Molly Moo here and I’ve got to apologize for waiting this long to post, but it’s been go, go, go since we hit the road this past Sunday. Dad rented a big dumb Chevy from Enterprise and it afforded me and my friend Katie lots of back seat room to stretch out in and do what I do best, and that’s sleep. Dad decided to take us all the way to Aunt Michele’s since we were making such good time. I enjoyed the ride and all the smells along the way, but my seatmate did not feel the same. She seemed to ask quite frequently, “How much longer is it going to take?” I don’t know what her big hurry was with all the good smells we were able imbibe in. It did kinda suck when we stopped for foods though, meaning their food, not mine. I got left in the car while THEY went in and ate dinner! Didn’t get to mooch a single morsel and boy was it hot! They did feel sorry for me and I used my saddest eyes to get as many treats as I could possibly sucker away from mom, dad, and the kid.

We arrived in Frederick MD around 10:00 pm and my people enjoyed a chat with Michele, Eric, Ethan while Newman the beagle and I caught up. He’s an older and wiser hound whose mooching skills are unparalleled. We turned in at a decent hour and departed the next day for last little bit of the drive to Grandma’s house in Paramus NJ (we’re returning to Newman’s on Saturday for a proper visit). I positive that MASSIVE amounts of treats await me!

One of the objectives we’re committing to on this visit is to get Grandma connected to the internet. Mom and Dad scored her a killer Mac laptop and fixed her up pretty good. Me, I’m going to teach her all my mad interweb surfing skillz so she’s as much a pro as I am. Grandma had Verizon scheduled to install their most AWSOME FiOS

triple play package and my main man Matt from Verizon showed up on time and got the place wired with the glorious fiber optic service by lunchtime (one of my favorite times of the day!). There were a whole lotta other things daddy had to fix and mom played Neesy Nash with grandma while they purged a HUGE pile of junk that grandma insisted for many years was “still good”. A trip to Goodwill was embarked on and even THEY wouldn’t take the rabbit ear equipped television she had been holding onto because “Somebody could use it”.

Mom and Dad got to see Headshot Zod for an evening at Smith Bros. in Ridgewood leaving me home yet again. They always seem to stay out WAY too late with this Headshot character.

Grandma is really excited about being connected and is responding well to my instruction. She sends and receives email, surfs the web, is already enamored with FaceBook, and will be fully capable of unloading her digital camera on her own before we head back to Maryland tomorrow morning. We are VERY envious of the smoking fast WiFi network grandma has in her house now.

Yesterday they left me at home with grandma and took an impromptu trip to the Jersey shore with bro and sis in law. Dad says they drove right by the recording studio he worked at while in college (Rich, had we had firm plans, we’d have called and hooked up, but we will be coming back in the fall and will hit your guys place for sure). The kid said the water was freezing, but they all headed out for dinner at Charlie Brown’s Steakhouse and it must have been quite a meal given the scraps brought back for me. Dad was rubbing his large, but shrinking belly.

So, today I’m walking grandma through a few more tutorial sessions on the computer, we’ve aunt Fran who loves me coming by, and dad, mom, and Katie are taking grandma out for a nice dinner tonight (they’d better be bringing me back a nice little bag because after all, I’m on vacation too!).

Tomorrow we’re off to MD for golf, uncle Schmoopie’s birthday, Bad Company concert, and much associated merriment and foolishness I’m sure. I’ll try to get another post up if my buddy Newman will do me a solid and let me borrow his laptop. Ah... Vacation!

Taking Chance

2010-05-28T15:37:00.011-04:00

Before I shut off the computer and go home for the long weekend, I’d like to offer a reminder to anybody interested that HBO will be airing ‘Taking Chance’ Sunday night at 9pm EST. I know all of us will be thinking about and thanking our friends and loved ones, with us still or not, who are serving or have served in defense of our country this weekend. There are two reasons I highly recommend ‘Taking Chance’ to you all. First, it is an extremely powerful, well written, and acted, true story of an American families sacrifice.

The other reason is that within this story being told by a Marine military escort, we see in the mirror another story that plays out every day, right now, and it goes largely unacknowledged. You get the idea of what I’m talking about the first time our Marine notices the landscaping crew working around the building in which Lance Cpl. Chance Phelps’s body is being loaded into the hearse for the first portion of his journey home. The simple act of reverence this crew of strangers pays as they stop working, remove their hats, and stand at attention is profound.

We live in a time of extreme cynicism and doubt. Our media purveyors exploit this and never leave alone an opportunity to ‘expose’ us to all the many wrongs that exist in America today. As similar scenarios akin to what Chance’s Marine escort witnesses on the first day of journey play out throughout the film, what is affirmed for me is a rejection of the portrait our media paints of us Americans, that we are in fact an overwhelmingly decent people. It affirms for me a continued rejection of doom saying prognosticators and loud mouth talking heads that we simply give far too much weight.

American’s are NOT those people, they are the ramp workers at the airport who stop and remove their hats, they are the anonymous drivers of the cars who turn on their headlights and get in line behind a military hearse. They offer a kind word to a soldier in uniform at an airport, pay for a soldiers meal, offer him/her their seat. You cynics go ahead and mock all you want. While I’ve known my fill of folks to the contrary in my life, it’s this overwhelming majority of people I speak of above that I recognize as American.

Watch this film if you can and a heartfelt thank you from the Phillips family for all those who are serving and have served, with us still, or not.

We’re going to throw this ball of string around…

2010-05-27T12:06:00.018-04:00

Yesterday we had some fun here out on these here innerwebs riffing about corporate improvement seminars and after reflecting on it a bit I kinda felt bad about all the disparagement and stereotyping I was posting via iPhone, so… actually, I don’t feel bad about it at all. It was even more a waste of time then I originally thought. I can’t comprehend a bigger waste of money and time as these things are. No, I don’t want to stand up in front of a class and play/act workplace scenarios, no, I don’t want to take my shoes off and get into a circle, no, I really don’t want to argue with a customer care employee during a breakout session over a case study involving something I know everything about, and he/she knows NOTHING (“now, now, Mr. Phillips, everybody’s opinion in the group matters and should be given equal weight…” No, actually it doesn’t you van down by river living, Red Bull guzzling moron who is passing herself off as an instructor. Do you actually buy this crap you’re pimpin’?). As a matter of fact, the only way I got through the DAY LONG EVENT was that I balanced my seething hatred for the instructor and my fellow participants by imagining how great a ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketch the whole thing would be. This method worked out so well that when at the end of the excruciatingly painful session when the instructor did what?.... That’s right, predictably handed out the piece of shit book that nobody will read, I had to suppress out right gut busting laughter. I actually had to excuse myself when she followed that up by handing out a fucking LAMINATED (!!!) cheat sheet that we were advised to hang prominently in our cubes (see photo). So funny, and at the same time so sad. Your comments helped get me through the day too of course (thank GOD for the iPhone!). Maybe this Facebook/blog thing does have value after all (Suck it haters!).

From the volume of comments it’s obvious we’ve all had to sit through these things at one time or another and it’s cool that my little declining revenue, buggy whip making company thinks well enough of us remaining employees to spent a crap load of money on shit like this, but perhaps the outright resentment I feel is just another sign of me getting old. I never enjoyed these deals before, but I don’t recall wanting to eat a bullet after one like I did yesterday either.

So, as a result of my successful employment of the ‘Think of the Saturday Night Live sketch this would make’ method of getting through it, coupled with my infinite desire to pay it forward, (because let’s face it, that’s the guy I am, right?), and this groups uncanny knack for mocking people to the point of earning a express ticket to hell, I thought I’d up the stakes here (This will be fun kids!)

I ask that you first recall the last time you got stuck in one of these seminars. Then, use all your well honed powers of shallowness to disparage and stereotype an individual or aspect of your experience. Doesn’t have to be a person, could be an incident, or the wreched sandwich platters, etc… Here’s one off the top of my head…

I remember actually being flown into our Washington DC headquarters for the day for one of these things years ago. Following eight hours of a particualrly horrible mind numbing presentation involving paradigm's and synergy's, I went to return my car at the Hertz Dullas Airport location and was dangerously late for my flight home. As I was getting myself out of the car, I was also struggling with this stupid fucking pile of binders of worthless charts, graphs, and acronyms I was never going to read EVER. It was cold and windy and I was dreading lugging all this shit onto the bus, through the terminal, security, those crowded piece of shit people mover trams they used to have at Dullas, anyway… As I was handed my receipt from the future terrorist and rental car associate, I happened to notice that in the trunks of all these returned cars that were open as part of the car return MOP were stacks of the same binders that I was barely managing to balance under my arms! I did what anyone would have at that point. Like the CIA field operative wannabe I am, I nonchalantly waded through the line of returned cars on my way to the bus and tossed all my crap into one of the open trunks without drawing a bit of attention to myself. Beauty!

The people watching at these things can save your life using this method. The overzealous young employee who is totally into it, the hovering HR sponsor pacing like a prison screw around the room making sure you’re taking it all seriously, the executive that was forced to attend who doesn’t do shit but gaze at his Blackberry all day, etc… I could make any and all of these folks funny for a sketch. Drop your ideas in the comments here, or on Facebook and don’t forget to fill out your course evaluations before you leave…

The Legacy of Warren Bolster...

2010-04-16T10:48:00.002-04:00

Inspired by a recent conversation…

One spring morning in 1976 while our family was living in Newport News, VA, my dad stopped the fully loaded family truckster in front of the Ft. Monroe PX. We were about to embark on a family journey down to see my grandparents in Raleigh NC, and as was the routine, we each got to load up on magazines, candy, and crap to occupy ourselves with for the next six hours. It was there that I pulled the very first issue of Skateboarder Magazine out of the rack. It was not just MY first copy of the publication, but it happened to be the very first issue produced. I never missed another.

I had by then attached my sister’s roller skate wheels to a crudely crafted piece of plank, and may have already move on to a cheap K-Mart plastic skateboard with urethane open ball barring wheels. Most of what we used our primitive skateboards for at that time was to carry us to the 7-11 to steal penny candy and play pinball. Any ‘tricks’ we mastered I’d learn from friends during recess at the penitentiary like Catholic School I was attending in sixth grade which had finally let out for the summer. That issue of Skateboarder Magazine changed EVERYTHING in my life for the next seven years or so.

The medium of photography is a strange thing. Without being armed with an academic background in appreciation for the art form, photos can still leave lasting impressions without the observer even being able to fully grasp why. Like great music, great photography can satisfy and amaze you even as one matures intellectually and emotionally, you just begin to figure it out, not what you were missing necessarily, but rather the nuisance you couldn’t quite articulate previously while being so mesmerized by a particular piece of work. This is the center of my ever growing appreciation for the work Warren Bolster and the team who put together Skateboarder Magazine those few years, and why a six hour car ride in an unair-conditioned station wagon packed with six other people and a dog flew by like ten minutes.

A couple of years ago while Googling my random thoughts, I enter Warren Bolster’s name in the search box and was excited to discover a collection of his work in coffee table book form and ordered a copy immediately. It didn’t take long to discover why those photos were so appealing to me as a sixth grader, and as a teenager in high school, and as an adult years later. Every one of them is simply AMAZING! Bolster was already a master surfing photographer before being asked to start Skateboarder Magazine and his entrenched surfer style dominates the photos that filled the early issues. The colors are just unreal, but it’s his ability to capture the beauty of movement that sets him apart from anyone else. There were other staff photographers at Skateboarder that were master surf photographers in their own right as well, but Warren was the one who translated the majesty of the ocean to the world of concrete and asphalt better than anyone else by a long shot and the distinction was immediately recognizable.

As a young skater in my own right, I instinctively had an appreciation for the microsecond long pressure points being captured in those pictures, the wooden tails slapping the coping of a swimming pool, or the last remaining translucent red wheel clinging to the top edge of a vertical plywood ramp, the grinding of light alloy metal trucks against a curb. Pure crystallizing moments of intensity captured perfectly for civilian eyes to witness. It wasn’t just the then unimaginable acrobatics of prehistoric vertical skating either, because long before the boys in Santa Monica jumped into empty neighborhood swimming pools, they were honing their craft and writing their poetry on the dirty streets of drought ridden Southern California. Warren plies his skills at capturing these ‘Moments’ in these other skate disciplines equally well. When downhill skating became the next nation to conquer, Warren made guys rolling down a hill look as exciting as the first time the rear wheels of Tony Alva’s Zephyr deck lifted off the coping of a pool ushering in the age of weightless skateboarding.

As fearless (crazy?) teens, we followed these trends back east like brainwashed Al Queda members. “Did you guys see Guy Grundy on page 32 rolling down La Costa Hill standing up at 55 mph? Let’s give that a try on Stony Lonesome Mountain tonight!” And why the fuck not, right? These photos are what we hypnotized ourselves with during study hall instead of reading ‘Mrs. Mike’. They inspired us to emulate the west coast created madness the first chance we got. As an adult who has supposed to have gained my senses long ago, looking at the pictures now I wonder how these photos didn’t inspire EVERYBODY to take a skateboard down Stony Lonesome Mountain, they’re that good.

I’ll sound like old man winter grousing about how everything was better way back when, before money corrupted everything, etc… but Warren’s photos also capture what has been long lost to the sport of skateboarding today (hell, we’d get offended if they called it a ‘sport’ back then!), and that’s the violent elegance transformed into the grace of movement born from its surfing forbearance. I have a deep admiration for the contemporary purveyors of skateboarding and can’t get enough of the aerial acrobatic insanity that they pull off at such soaring heights these days, or the endless nut racking stunts the youngest of kids are performing using nothing more than an ordinary picnic bench, but it’s connection to surfing has all but faded to obscurity like Bill The Butcher’s grave. Surfing was where it all came from back then. Skateboarding is what they did on flat days. Perhaps that didn’t hold true for us Eastcoasters, but we knew the deal. Now, along with snowboarding, one can learn to skate without even having the slightest appreciation for the mystery of ocean surfing and the associated ancient rites of the culture. This is what Skateboarder Magazine was able to accomplish and package into a box for export using brilliant photography and honest creative scribe (at least for those of us who spoke and understood the language).

I remember as skateboarding became more popular and mainstream (i.e. no longer relegated to long haired teenage degenerates and suicidal rock n rollers) other publications became available. Me and my crew made no time dismissing all of them as weak ass shite. The “how to” articles, cheesy photography, the contest results, Leif Garrett doing nose wheelies, etc… Fuck off. Who gives a shit about any of that? Not us. If you are lucky enough to find an old issue of Skateboarder Magazine or ever get your hands on Warren Bolster’s book, you’ll see and know instantly exactly what I mean.

A Lonely Chapel by the River

2010-02-05T14:56:00.028-05:00

“And I believe there is a time for meditation in cathedrals of our own…”

-Summer, Highland Falls -

3 years ago I wrote a post here at Intravenus De Milo about mine and my family’s lone year spent as official residents of Highland Falls, New York in the comfort (or was it discomfort?) of the mysterious yet grand Greystone Mansion nestled on the banks of the mighty Hudson River. Excerpts updated and edited:

“Greystone was an old hotel nestled against the west side of the Hudson River. it's entrance was off of old route 9W in Highland Falls, NY, between the Veteran's Cemetery and a Church. It had stone pillar markers which flanked the entrance to it's long switchback driveway. We shared this enormous place with an older retired couple (Mr. and Mrs. Pierson [sp?]). To the best of my fading recollection, the old hotel was essentially divided in half with the two occupants sharing the main winding staircase in the majestic foyer to access the upstairs bed rooms. The place had a huge yard with a patio area that butted up to the cliff that looked out over the river where I can imagine guests once dined al fresco in the warmer Hudson Valley seasons. There were so many rooms that all five of us could have had our own…

At first it was cool living there. There were the cheap rooms in the basement that still had the old timey metal headboards in them. It was a perfect set for a scary movie. The big yard was cool too, but it didn’t take long for all of us to get sick of each other and realize we were isolated from the rest of the world.

Years later as teenager though (1980), I decided to take the turn off old 9W and see what the place looked like. It had security cameras at the top of the drive and a chain across the road. I, of course, ignored these and let myself down the road. As I parked and got out my car, I was immediately met by two young women screaming at me, “get the hell of here!” before I could even make my nostalgic appeal. I think the year was 1985 when I made that trek down the hill and even though my inspection time was brief, Greystone looked exactly as I remembered it in my youth.While back at West Point on the occasion of my wedding in 1996, I again mustered some bravery and took the ride down the hill in the hopes that the buzzards that lived there would allow me a few moments on the grounds to perhaps photograph the place. Much to my dismay and sadness I discovered the place had been torn down. Not a brick or foundation remained. How could someone have torn down such a beautiful place? They better have had a damn good reason”

I wrote about Greystone that year because a dear friend who understands my love of the Hudson Highlands had given the book cited in the post. I was hoping to contact the author and the Highland Falls historical society and see if any other information could be mined about the place. I was working on a lengthy draft when I ended up sidetracked with life. It was never sent. A recent conversation with a colleague at work renewed my effort to revisit the case of this long forgotten mansion.

I decided to go back and read the original blog post in order to borrow from what I had written for the draft to Ms. Coffey and decided to check the comments section while I was there. What a surprise I found there waiting for me! THREE!!! Yes, THREE former residents of Greystone had left messages for me through the years! I was so angry at myself for not going back to check the comments I could scream, but one commenter left his name and state of residence. On a lark, I decided to look him up and chance a telephone call (guts huh?!). Turns out he is a brat of 57, and his name is Mark Hill. He is cousin to Eric Wagner from Highland Falls whom many of us were acquainted with during High School days. I almost fell out of my chair when I read that Mark’s grandmother had been a waitress at the hotel when it was open! He actually has some furniture his family took from the place when they moved out in late 1968. Mark’s family were prior residents before our family moved in in the summer of 1969. We are now in contact and hopefully Mark will follow up with promised photos that I can share with all.

Another commenter “MJ” left a treasure trove of historical information that really fills in some big gaps. I took some time to research and verify what she had written and based on what I could confirm here’s what we now know about “The Greystone”:

The property many (few?) of us know as Greystone Mansion was build by William Cruger Pell. His family was amongst the wealthy industrialist baron’s who “resettled” the Hudson Highlands after the civil war. They were from New York City and once owed most of what is now referred to as Pelham area of the Bronx. His family built a few estates in the Highlands including one in Bear Mountain and another Williams brother Alfred built on a large swath of property adjacent to JP Morgan’s land stretching from the banks of the Hudson all the way West to the base of Strom King Mountain. Alfred called his estate Pellwood. For which a lake and housing area are still named.

Found in “The Hudson River Highlands” by Frances F. Dunwell is this brief mention:

“Beginning after the Civil War, Highland Falls came to be considered fashionable, if you can believe it, and little by little summer houses were built near it – or existing farm houses bought and adapted by people who came for the summer. In the 1840’s country houses were built by three members of the Pell family. They were the first to put up what then considered ‘handsome’ houses with docks fronting on the river…”

A most exquisite land map from late 1890’s provides a terrific overhead view of what was referred to as “Millionaire’s Row” (See map below).

You can just make out A. Pell’s name on the plot of land below J.P. Morgan’s on the little riverside plot. The switchback driveway is noted as well.

William decided to build his summer home on a smaller piece of land off the river banks just South of the veterans cemetery. He called his estate “Pelham”. As my wonderful commenter noted, the Pell’s were a more private family than their counterparts and the fact that I could find little other than the few articles “MJ”notes bare this out. Other than a few things regarding society get togethers and financial news of the day, not much can be found in the annals of The New York Times archives and other resources.

I was however excited to read The NY Times wedding announcement of William’s only daughter Margarita whose reception is said to have taken place at Pelham. I can just imagine what the place must have looked like on that day. “MJ” also mentions a New York Times article from the early 1900s that reports some NYPD detectives digging up the lower level of William Cruger Pell's country home. It seems they'd been tipped off by some ex-con that a missing New York heiress was buried beneath the cellar floor. That convicts story turned out to be false though, and evidently the missing girl was never found. Nothing like a murdered heiress to steep the place in mystery, huh? I had no luck finding this article on my own, but perhaps it will turn up in one of my future searches.

Flash forward to shortly after WWII. Pelham is opened as a fine dining and hotel establishment by Chef Angelo Culot and his wife to shining reviews (review kindly forwarded to me by Mark Hill below the fold). This is the first time the name Greystone appears. The Establishment is referred to as both “The Greystone” or as the familiar “Greystone Mansion”. There is no record of how long the restaurant/hotel was in operation or when it closed for good. Having lived in this house, it must have been one swank place to dine and stay overnight.

The next thing we’re aware of is the Hill family moving in sometime in 1967. Our family arrived as the Hills were leaving 1969, and after us was another regretfully anonymous commenter to my earlier blog post who lived there in the 70’s. She writes:

"I lived at Greystone Mansion with my Mom, brother and sister in the mid 70's. I also was horrified to drive down that winding driveway to see an empty lot. We had the best times of our lives there. Times I will NEVER forget. We were always looking for new hiding places. We did find that hidden wine cellar. I can remember the basement was like a maze. Never ending. It was so peaceful. I believe we were sent to the mansion for a reason. My Mom passed away a year after we moved from Greystone. We loved waking up to the view of the Hudson River and in the winter watching the deer run all over the property."

My conversation with Mr. Hill was really something to remember. We both had strong recollections of the distinct floral smell the property had in the spring and summer, no doubt due the over grown and long forgotten gardens that must have been glorious in there day. He recalled for me how terribly cold the place was in the winter with its dying barely functioning boiler. We reflected on the beautiful ancient oak trees that framed the view of the river from the back deck. He also recalled that it could be a lonely place as well so far off the road and considerable distance from other kids. Hell, driving by on route old 9W you’d hardly know the place was down there even as large as it was.

I find myself giddy with all this new information, like a detective who’s uncovered a big lead in a case. Yet, still much remains a mystery about the place once called Pelham and the people who lived there through the years. Given the fancy security system that was in place when I boldly made my way down the drive in 1980, I’m wondering if younger members of the Pell family were living there. Perhaps it was Williams great grand daughters who were the ones who screamed at me to, “Get the hell out of here before I call the police!!!” If so, I owe them an apology. We know that the Pell family still owns the property and more than likely had to reluctantly tear it down due to it’s dilapidated state. From what is said about them, they are staunch conservationists and must have turned away many sizable offers to develop the land commercially.

Where do I go from here? What’s my goal? Well, I’ve sent everything that I’ve with you here to Ms. Bailey who is the president of the Highland Falls Historical Society with the hopes that it fires up enough curiosity that she might do some digging in the public archives up there. I’d love to dig more into the NYT and other local papers for any word of my beloved Greystone. The ultimate would be to ask the surviving Pell family what they remember about the place and perhaps share some photographs of the estate when it was an impressive “handsome” country home of their forbearer.

How about my Highland Falls friends? Do any of you have any memories of Greystone? Drop me a line if so. I’ll update this post as anything new trickles in from any and all sources.

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A Dining Review of Greystone Mansion...

From the Westchester NY News County Fare Section by Alec Burgess describing theGreystone Restaurant entitled “Greystone Mansion, Orange County Gift To All Lovers Of Good Food” (date of the article is unknown)

Greystone Mansion

Greystone Mansion is located on Old 9W between Fort Montgomery and Highland Falls (HI6-8197) . This time it’s Orange County Fare and the place is up near West Point. You can go across either the Tappan Zee or Bear Mountain Bridges. Driving toward the point, turn off to the right about a mile above Bear Mountain Bridge onto old Rout 9W and proceed to the sign.

In an enormous brick mansion right on the bank of the Hudson, Angelo and Norma Culot are delighting their customers with delicious French-Italian cooking. From the many-windowed dining room your eyes are treated to one of the finest views of the great river to be had anywhere along its length.

The building is set in nine acres of land running down to the water where they plan to build their own dock next year so their boat-minded guests can sail right up to the restaurant. Although it is a little late to enjoy it this season, the spacious terrace, shaded by great oak trees, with its superb river view, is perfect for the leisurely enjoyment of cocktails during the warmer months.

Extensive Menu

It’s a family affair with Angelo doing the cooking and Norma taking care of the bar. Everything is prepared to order. Meals are served anytime after 12 noon. Lunch is a la carte. On the regular dinner, both appetizer and soup are included. Among the appetizers are herring in cream, pimento and anchovy, eggs a la Russe, hearts of artichoke. Others such as melon and prosciutto, clams, shrimps, and antipasto are available at extra charges. Celery, olives and carrot sticks are standard relishes with all the meals.

For soups there is a choice of onion soup au gratin, patinea consommé, vichyssoise froid and jellied madrilène. Among the house specialties are beef Stroganoff, venison steak, jumbo shrimp remoulade, and of course chicken, chops and steaks. Of course the a la carte menu is even more extensive.

Fine Wine Cellar

The cellar provides fine wines from many countries and we suggest that you ask Mrs. Culot to bring some to your table and explain about them so you can order the one that best suits your taste and purse.

As Greystone Mansion is only about a mile from West Point, you’ll often see officers there…and cadets too, when they are on leave. Many Hollywood stars like to stop in here when they are in the East, and have left their pictures as mementos of their visits. Of course the Inn is handy to Bear Mountain Park with its swimming, boating and skiing; and to Wayne swimming pool and recreation area. Rooms are available for overnight guests.

Food and drinks are served all day from noon to 10 pm . Lunch is a la carte with entrees from $1.50 and the complete dinner ranges from $2.75 to $5.25. Ample off-street parking . Member of Diner’s club. Closed Wednesdays.

And So the Wireless World Turns, or A Night at the Opera…

2010-02-03T16:10:00.015-05:00

Warning: Drafted in haste! Please excuse the poor grammer, spelling, editting, etc...

Attended my first city planning function since moving to Peachtree City GA last night and it's easy to see how quickly things can get so far off the rails. With government and it’s citizens the micro definately reflects the macro and visa versa. The funny thing is: I believe all in attendance were acting ethically and with the best of intentions. Here’s my dispatch…

My city is actually a planned community established in the late 50’s, but it really came to life in the 70’s. It is a shinning example of how well this type of cooperative planned approach can and does work. The elected and appointed officials that make up our city government are NOT career politicians. They are mostly older city residents (cranky at times), but I believe that they have the city’s and it citizens best interest at heart. I also know one of the boards newly elected councilwomen personally and she is a long time friend of the family’s.

Given the contemptuous nature of cell tower siting within any community, and the technical complexity that overlays most of discussions, our City Council decided to host a “wireless workshop” for the publics benefit and education hosted by an industry lobbying group. Granted, I was hugely skeptical myself which made my attendance all the more compelling. I was bracing for dog and pony show put on by shills from the big four wireless telco’s, prepared to grit my teeth for the subsequent disappointment of discovering that they had already sowed the seeds of whatever their desires, and being introduced to a city council who had already been hoodwinked and bent to their whims.

I was wrong on all accounts. As the Mayor opened the meeting and I flipped through the slick professional PowerPoint deck the lobbying group had prepared, I was humbled to discover that my city is actually attempting to do this THE RIGHT WAY. The sole purpose of this meeting was to educate both government officials and any citizen who cared to turn up on the basics of wireless technology and the science of selecting tower transmission sites. The hosting group were well represented by a cross section of expertise in a wide range of disciplines within the industry. I was amazed at how honest the presentation was prepared and delivered. I was chomping at the bit to find flaw or spin and none came plain and simply.

The impetus for this workshop is the pending submission of permits and zoning variance requests associated with tower sites needed to improve service by all carriers in our fair city. Here are the facts of the current state:

- A year ago, T-Mobile approached our City Planning folks about the need for up to four new tower sites. This was wisely done in an informal fashion to avoid federally mandated approval timelines from being evoked. T Mobile is well aware of the planned nature of our community and acted in a manner of cooperation being all too familiar with the acrimony tower siting kicks up in any community especially one with many parks, a multitude of golf courses, miles of golf cart paths, etc... It would be easy for an outsider to think this was an end around play, but if you’re familiar with the Telecom Acts, you know that this would hurt more than help T Mobiles chances at getting a leg up. The City was transparent about the discussions anyway and they were duly reported.

- The city’s current ordinances that govern tower siting are actually in good shape. They are in need of a freshen up to incorporate changes in the wireless industry since the mid nineties when they were originally adopted, but pretty solid nonetheless.

- Unfortunately, the local paper with the best intentions has inadvertently printed several articles inferring that permits had been submitted and were currently under official review by the city. I’ve read every one of these articles and while they don’t use the words exactly, I can EASILY see how the everyday citizen could get the idea that the clock was ticking. I don’t think the reporter (who I met last night) intentionally did this, I think he is young and has a very limited knowledge of the cities filing and review process, the scrutiny under which all applications are given, and how volatile of an issue it is.

- Along with a local church’s recent application for a special use permit for a cell tower which is tied up in a complete review of the city’s zoning rules, the newspaper’s articles have done what they do best: Get people pissed off and yelling into microphones at city meetings. An absolute crying shame. These folks made up more than half of those in attendance. Forget the fact that the meeting was an educational workshop that actually could have empowered most of them with the knowledge to build a more informed and fact based opposition position. Nope, screaming into microphones is simply too irresistible I guess. I can’t tell you how many times the Mayor had to stop someone mid screed and reiterate that the city had NOT accepted ANY applications as of yet and that this was simply a seminar to educate anybody who wanted to be involved.

- As an industry guy well versed in the subject matter I can say this for certain, based on what was reviewed during the presentation, I could draft a pretty solid opposition position with the material which was reviewed. Did I see anybody taking notes? Nope. Just couldn’t wait to get up to that microphone and unleash the hounds. It was exhausting.

- The thing is, these folks are right to be concerned. The wireless telco’s are an imposing bunch and if your municipal leadership is not up to par on the subject matter at hand they can easily be sold a bill of goods. We are lucky, this just simply isn’t the case with our city’s representatives.

- Every once in a while, an actual appropriate technical question was asked and the hosting group answered all openly and honestly. Again, I was really hoping to catch these guys in spin mode, but not once did they indulge me.

Alas, it was my turn at the microphone and I offered the following:

“My name is Tony Alva [alias used here] of [address redacted], I have worked in the wireless telecom sector for more than 15 years in various positions from procurement and contract support for cell site development to network deployment, asset management, and logistics. I currently do sourcing work for [company name redacted] a small internet service provider. While [company name redacted] was once a player in the municipal WiFi space it has long since exited these businesses. I have nothing to sell, nor do I represent anybody but myself and my family as fairly new citizens of Peachtree City.

My most concerning feeling on this topic is that we must strike a balance with our citizens and the wireless service providers regarding tower siting. As more people dump traditional local wired telephone services in lieu of strictly carrying a wireless phone, the demand for better coverage, more capacity, and better quality of signal will only increase. We are entering an era of reliance on these sophisticated devices and are NOT going back contrary to how some parents of teenagers might feel. (actually got a small smatter of a laugh) The trick is balancing the need for improved wireless service with the “Not in My Backyard” nature of tower siting applications here at the local level. After spending much of my professional career working for wireless service providers, I’m amazed at how poorly these discussions and subsequent negotiations go when there is so much potential for an “everybody wins” outcome. I’ve helped build and/or otherwise played a role in constructing cell sites in the most hallowed and historic of towns, on pristine PGA tour stops, and in neighborhoods where the initial proposals were met with pitch forks and lighted torch. If you drive by some of these sites now you’d be hard pressed to know that they are even there. Here are some random thoughts and questions requiring no answers/response at this moment but are offered for consideration:

- What is the nature of PTC’s existing agreements with wireless providers or consolidators such and American Tower and Pinnacle? Are we earning anything on sublet of the tower space or is it a flat rate for the ground space they are leasing?

- Total transparency of potential costs to build, potential revenue, and the entire process overall are paramount.

- What is the current state of our city’s first responder communications systems? Could these systems benefit from any of these proposed new sites? Where are these antenna and radio equipment located and who is maintaining it?

- The city MUST thoroughly investigate EVERY opportunity to maximize a potential revenue stream generated by managing and or building these sites out ourselves. (I went into length about Highland Falls’ inability to grasp the upside of their similar situation and the stalemate the village has been in needlessly for years)

- Citizens will respond more favorably if they here that a tower site will generate income to the city. This income could be earmarked according to the citizen’s desires.

- The City should drive the process and work with the carriers to create a “win/win” situation. Again, citizens will respond better to tower site issues if they know their representatives are DRIVING the process, NOT being lead around by big telecom behemoths.

- Use mandatory minimum collocation occupancy to green light permits to build a cell site. This will force the carriers to work with each others RF engineering departments on co-location.

- Don’t automatically dismiss the idea of easing a restriction until all options for stealth structures are explored. They may be harder sells to our citizens, but the upside and use of creative solutions may work for us all."

While I was sure some of the microphone fiends were scowling at my back, I think my input was warmly received by the city council, the industry representatives, and some of the citizens in attendance given the number who approached me once the meeting had adjourned. I wonder why they kept asking “Where do you live again?” I jest, I jest, Wait a minute…

We’ll see what happens from here. I’d like to see the city force the carriers to work together to identify sites that work for all of them. Determine what city land lays over this map or land that is close to the most desirable sites from the carrier perspective. From those identified locations, have the city itself build these sites and collect rent from all the carriers. Put no site into construction until a minimum occupancy rate has been signed on. This will guarantee a payback period and dictate all other basic terms to issue bonds with. If these city owed sites are close to neighborhoods, work with representatives of these neighborhoods to include them in potential stealth tower options. It would help if someone from the city worked with the local newspaper to get a permanent beat reporter assigned to this story line and help get him educated on the technology and the city permit revue process so the reporting going forward is less ambiguous.

All in all, I’m very happy with the approach my city has taken with this issue. Certainly restores my faith in government a bit. I may be a pragmatist, but if all these things happen I’m pretty sure most, not everybody, but most will be happy with the final outcome. I’ll keep you posted and bored to death as things develop…

The only game that matters...

2009-12-08T12:13:00.003-05:00

I made a promise to clear my mind of all that ails me and get into the holiday spirit even though the world is being dragged into the crapper by doe-eyed, liberal, Kumbaya singing… Oops sorry. Seriously, it’s time to swing into the Christmas season and there is no better way to do just that then to talk about the only college football game that matters: Army vs. Navy.

I’m a little unnerved that Goarmysports.com is hocking Eagle Bank Bowl tickets at this juncture. I know they have to, but getting the Army team there means a victory over Navy and that is far from a certainty. I’m saying this because if Army were to lose to Navy Saturday, I don’t want anything to detract from the accomplishments the team and coach Ellerson have achieved this season. Army beat opponents they weren’t supposed to and are a team clearly on the rise after a long gloomy decade or so.

Navy has done well this year as well scoring a major victory over 2010/11 Army opponent the most hated Notre Dame. I cheered for the squids during this one as I do any other game they play with the exception of the one played this weekend.

My thirst for victory over Navy is as strong as ever and Army is a salty bunch this year. They’ll have to leave it all on the turf Saturday, but I think they can and will win.

So GO ARMY BEAT NAVY*!

*Bunch of lying and cheating scoundrels every one of’em!!!

He took a walk in the woods and he never come back...

2009-12-02T15:48:00.009-05:00

As one who is prides himself on not to be beholden to celebrity tabloitardness (sports, musicians, etc... beyond mocking them of course) I have to admit this… I’m actually disappointed in Tiger Woods.

I’ve been a fan since I picked up the frustrating game of golf myself many years ago. I really thought that he was the rare uber rich/famous athlete who had it together on this front. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my seven-year-old daughter while watching Sunday golf coverage, “Watch this guy, he is one squared away dude”. I won’t dig a knife into him about his infidelities, I won’t stop cheering for him to win tournaments, but it’ll be different now as I'm sure it was for those who once held John Edwards in high esteem. I thought his folks did such a good job raising him that he’d avoid falling into this trap. Since he wisely waited until he was older to get married (I know, that doesn’t guarantee anything), I thought he’d gotten all this out of his system. I thought the amazing mental toughness that he exudes and leverages to such perfection on the course carried over to his personal life.

I think he’s about to find out how his life is about to change for the worse as any father who has been faced with the possibility of not being allowed to see his kids any time he wants to has. His money, fame, and athletic prowess will become meaningless to him if it hasn’t already.

Is Tiger Woods Pac Man Jones? No, but nobody ever set the bar high for Pac Man, certainly not me. I assure you that this is NOT intended to be a holier than thou thing. I’m far from perfect as is Tiger. We are all flawed. I don’t know Tiger personally, but I have had friends that I’ve discovered have/were cheating on their wives and the disappointment I felt with them is similar to what I’m feeling now with this ordeal, just on a smaller scale.

As for the publics’ “right to know”, My brother and I were arguing about the whole thing last night and he insisted that Tiger should get out in front of this by making all kinds of confessional statements to which I say bullshit. We don’t have a “right to know”, what we have is a “right to ask”. If this inaliable "right" was what blew the lid off of Tiger’s dalliances, well, that’s life in the United States, but I know if I had been publically caught doing something so reckless to my family, I’d give two shits about anything, or anybody else except those family members I hurt. Frankly, I don’t care who or how many girls he stepped out on his wife with, one is too many and he’s going to pay dearly for it. I sincerely feel bad for his wife, she seems like a nice gal.

I don’t know why guys insist on thinking they’ll get away with it, especially famous ones. The rules are the same for all us men: If you don’t love your wife anymore divorce her and get on with you life and let her get on with hers. It sucks having to go through with it all and you better be prepared to suffer no matter what, but that’s how it is. Holding on to your dignity is what you get out of it. Falling prey to saline enhanced, club hopping, bubblehead’s just comes across as weak and terribly embarrassing whether you’re a famous golfer or a regular Joe.

Veteran's Day 2009...

2009-11-11T12:44:00.008-05:00

In my brother’s Veteran’s Day post on The West Point Skateboard Gang blog he mentions reading Bill Mogan’s book “Son’s of Slum & Gravy” and acknowledges that many of my fathers classmates did not make it home from Vietnam. He goes on to speculate on what his/our lives might have been like had he not returned from his tour there. I can pretty much say with certainty that our lives would not be as rich had the unthinkable happened. I remember first thinking these thoughts when I first visited the Vietnam Memorial in Washington DC. Shortly before Christmas that followed my visit to The Wall, my father was reconnected with his Battery Commander from Vietnam who passed along some photos, one of which depicts the very moment my brother speculates on in his post.

My father was severely wounded in Vietnam after he kicked a trip wire setting off some buried explosives. We were all very young when it happened, but he did recover and return to us thankfully. For whatever reason, there was a combat photographer with my dad’s unit that day and he snapped this glorious photo. Aside from its family significance, it is really quite stunning in it’s composition. The line of ghostly soldiers with those forlorn facial expressions trailing off into the clouds. The photo was taken moments after the helicopter took off with my wounded father onboard. When my Mother showed it to me for the first time, she asked with the wisdom of ages, “Where is the man who belongs to that helmet?” That of course, is my father’s helmet in that soldiers grasp and that photo represents to me our family’s defining moment. A snap shot of what could have been, and what was to be. What if? A twist of fate?

With so many of you here in my Facebook circle and so many other friends being current and former service members, I’d like to offer this personnel story to you as a token of my appreciation for your fine service to our great nation on this Veteran’s Day. Many thanks to you all from the Phillips family.

Hail Alma Mater Dear…

2009-10-12T16:43:00.023-04:00

Sitting here at my desk this dreary Monday morning, I get the uncanny feeling that a bunch of aliens came down in a space ship, abducted me, performed experiments on my brain, and dumped me right back here in my chair. I’ll try my best to tap out my recollections of events of the last 72 hours with my hands still afflicted with a bit of the ole shakes.

After a prefect flight and uncharacteristic early arrival at Conan O’Brien’s favorite airport, I lugged my golf clubs and bags up to the tram that took me out to the rental car lots where I was to find out upon my return I inadvertently snaked some other dude’s car and stuck him with my POS sub compact (sorry random dude). Friday golf being rained out not withstanding, this bit of luck was to follow me the rest of the weekend and may very well have been contagious. For the first portion of my stay I was the guest of Ms. Fairy Godmother’s and her lovely daughters who only grow more impressive with each passing visit. They treated me like a king during my stay and I can’t thank them enough for putting me up. It was great to see them all for the brief time I was actually there, but promise to get back with the family in tow very soon.

While golf might have been a scratch, Friday was not a wasted day by a long shot. After breakfast at The Park Restaurant and a quick tour of all points of interest on post, I met my long time friend Rod Wilson for lunch at the West Point Officer’s Club. Conversation was heartily pleasant, and despite the rainy weather, you could feel that familiar West Point football weekend vibe that only those who have lived there know. It’s just part of what makes the place so special and drives my desire to one day return on a permanent basis. After lunch, Rod was gracious enough to give me a tour of the new library (simply magnificent building especially when lit up at night) and use his DoD credentials to shop at the Cadet Bookstore. We went back to his place for some sofa chat, share a couple of beers with his wife, and catch up with their son Tyler who is fastly becoming THE lady killer of Highland Falls Middle School.

The evening was spent in the company of long time family friends the Fishburnes (both Senior and Junior contingent the West’s) at the Army sprint football game (formerly called the 150 lbs. league). What is just as impressive as watching Mark’s team go 4-0 with a win over a favored Penn, was watching Holly get her FOUR kids, her house guests, plus a ton of tailgating gear, AND me into her minivan in a matter of ten minutes for the ride down to Shea Stadium for pre-game tailgate (that’s right, tailgating for Sprint football Friday night!). Cell phone in her ear talking to her mother Pat, putting rain coats on the kids, walking the dogs, being a gracious host to her out of town guests, etc… No wonder the Army wants her there at West Point. She could teach the cadet’s a thing or two about rapid deployment in stressful situations.

Mark West's sprint team is quite a sight to see. He runs a balanced offense that makes very few mistakes and a defense that punishes an opponent's backfield for stalling to think for even a microsecond. It was a close one and the weather was lousy through most of it, but victory would be Army’s in the end. While the sky’s were clearing and as the final seconds ticked off the clock, I was again drenched in that West Point pride and humility as we walked onto the field to congratulate Mark on the win. He and his staff coach a hellva game. Sprint football at West Point is a great game to watch and I would highly recommend it to anyone in the area.

After a game like that, it would be easy to think that that same momentum could some how be carried over to the next day’s Div 1A match up against Southeastern Conference Vanderbilt, but as any long time Army football fan knows, this thinking is wrought with traps and foibles that will have you chomping antacid tablets like popcorn after the final gun goes off. That is precisely why there is no better way to prepare for an Army football game than to be invited to join the Fishburne clan for their pregame tailgate. Why you ask? Is it the pleasure of their company and the way that they treat all guests like family? Is it because of the fantastic food that is bountiful, or perhaps the location itself at the foot of the Lusk Reservoir dam not 50 yards from the stadium gate? It is ALL that of course, but the real reason is they figured out a long time ago that the only way to dull the pain of a decades worth of Army losses is ply oneself with enough booze to not remember any of them. AH HA!!! I say to all you Navy and Air Force fans and general Army football haters. THAT would not be the case on this particular Saturday.

I passed by Col. (ret.) Fishburne’s place on my way to the beer store at 0830 (that’s 8:30 AM to the non-military readers) to see if I could be of assistance setting up tents at the tailgate site and found Gus where you can always find him at that hour on game day: sitting in a lawn chair in his garage, smoking a cigar, and drinking one of his famed big gulp sized bloody Mary’s (see Army game prep above). He waved me off with the “no rain” call and I went on to the store, filled a banana box with ice and case of beer, and headed up to the site to be joined by all shortly after 0930 and two beers consumed by your humble narrator.

About 30 minutes later, we were joined by the motliest of motley crew to ever over indulge and skip a college class: Dennis Bulger, Bitchin’ Richie B Berardi, and John “Stain” Lally. After having moved around the country all my life, I’ve managed to either maintain or rekindle most of my relationships with my friends from just about everywhere, but must admit to neglecting those amongst my St. Thomas Aquinas College days a bit. That ended this past weekend. My friends were as funny, smart, and engaging as they were when I last saw them 20 years ago. While they’ve all gone on to great success in their own lives individually with families, careers, etc… I was relieved to discover that they certainly did not forget how to consume massive quantities of beer in a very short period of time and before the hour of 11:00 AM.

We all took to our usual seats in Michie Stadium as we last did two decades ago which goes something like this: fake looking at our ticket stubs and sitting in random empty seats right on the 50 yard line until booted by by actual ticket holders, lather, rinse, repeat. We watched my beloved Army team hang on to a much bigger Vanderbilt for most of four quarters. The Black Knights held Vanderbilt to a tie field goal from the red zone during their last drive as the final seconds ticked off in regulation play. Army won the toss and wisely elected to let Vanderbilt go first on offense in overtime play. I began chucking those before mentioned antacid tablets into my mouth one by one like peanuts as Vanderbilt easily move the ball inside Army's ten yard line right before on third down they ran the ball into the end zone as the visitors side of the stands erupted in cheers. But WAIT!!!… there seems to be some confusion on the far side of the field. The officials have signaled that the Vanderbilt player fumbled the ball over the goal line and recovered it himself. Replay confirmed it, touchBACK Army! Army takes over on the 30 and as typical in situations like this, promptly loses 6 ½ yards in three plays. The guy who missed a game winner last week in front of a homecoming crowd from 30 and change is trotted out to kick a 40+ yarder at which point I’m ready to just gobble the whole god damn roll of Tums in my hand all at one time. The kid’s kick bounces off the left upright and almost hit the cross bar on the way down before finally tumbling to the turf. IT’S GOOD!!! Only one option remained at this juncture (I think my buddy Kevin back home knows what comes next), one that is preserved for the rarest occasions only, and that is to jump the wall and join the merriment on the field which is exactly what we did. After joining the Corp for the playing of the Alma Mater, it was time for me and my band of jolly good fellows to saddle up and move our base of operation to Rockland County for the commencement of the college reunion activities. So with hoarse voices and increasingly squinted eyes, we bid a fond farewell to the Fishburne tailgate crew. On behalf of me and the boys we cannot thank you enough for having us and hope our juvenile behavior doesn’t exclude us from doing it again sometime soon.

It didn’t take long to bump into long lost fellow St. Thomas Aquinas alum while checking in at the hotel. As with my reconnection earlier with the three guys, one after another, smiling face after smiling face, greeted us at every turn. I’ll be honest here, I really thought this get together would, despite the best of intentions, be fun, but ill attended based on my involvement in past like minded events. It’s an occurrence as rare as an ice age, but I was actually wrong. With all credit due to the dedicated organizers, Billy Vanson, Carey Wazaney, and Maureen Gallagher, as I’m certain all who attended would agree this thing was a massive success. Billy, Carey, and Maureen with crystal clear intuition knew that all that was needed to attract a big crowd of aging former STAC dorm students was a metric ton of alcohol, parsed with great food, 80’s hair metal music cranked to eleven, and a late hour closing time. Check, check, check, and check. I think the only bad vibe I got came to me in a nanosecond of sobriety when I realized how much better everyone else has held up to age compared to me.

Once the official party ended at midnight, most of us moved directly to the hotel bar which, much to the dismay of the bleary eyed bartending staff, was forced to stay open another two hours or so to accommodate us. After nightcaps back at the room over an iTunes driven crap and bull session the night came to an end at last with guys sleeping in chairs chins on chest still clutching their last half empty beers (I sort of remember the glowing clock display reading 2:30 AM).

With a hangover that reduces it’s suffers to a Milkshake Grimace like idiot stupor, a number of us fellow alum ate our fill of Sunday brunch buffet, funneled some coffee down our throats, and said our goodbyes to each other. As I drove down the Palisades Parkway wondering why I ever doubted for a minute making this trip, I was thankful to my wife for green lighting the whole event for me at a time when fear of possible pending unemployment and economic uncertainty is running at an all time high in the Phillips house. She knows me well enough to understand that there is no distinction between my family and those whom I call my friends. Let’s make sure it’s not 20 more years before we do this again.

Big thanks again to Mary Jo Blackmon, Rod and Karen Wilson, Holly and Mark West, Pat and Gus Fishburne, all the wonderful guests at the Army football tailgate, Billy Vanson, Carey Wazaney, and Maureen Gallagher. It was a weekend I will not soon forget.

“I am not a number, I am a free man…”

2009-09-25T16:30:00.004-04:00

I read in the sports section today an article about Jon Richt, son of Mark Richt, storied coach of the hated University of Georgia Bulldogs football team. According to the article, after completing his freshmen year at Clemson Jon transferred to a small Div1AA college, Mars Hill College in Western North Carolina, where he now starts as quarterback. As I read the piece, I recalled reading an article last year about him and his dad’s trip up to Clemson where Jon had been recruited to play football. Jon’s stated reasons for wanting to make such a move were attributed to what he says were self discovery and realization, mostly that he just felt that the big school environment and lifestyle was just not to his fitting. Some will say that he just chickened out when faced with the monster that is a Div 1A football program, but having been down that road myself, I don’t think so. I’d say 19 year old Jon Richt seems to have the maturity and knowledge of himself that I lacked at that age.

Perhaps my folks knew what I didn’t, but let me figure it out on my own anyway. After getting my feet wet and doing pretty well with the whole college thing, I couldn’t wait to transfer to a big university. I had visited a few friends who were attending colleges of various sizes and simply figured that as far class went, they were all the same and no different than what I was experiencing at the community college level. My time at the University of Maryland certainly changed my mind in a hurry.

I’m sure there were many who did their best to brace me for the change, certainly my folks, but I must have closed my ears to it all. I was used to attending classes in which discussion was par for the course and integral part of every session, dialog that was encouraged by virtually all my professors at the community college level no matter what subject. Those who know me are familiar with my zeal for conversation (i.e. I talk a LOT), but at that point without any other point of reference I just thought that this was how it worked everywhere. I always sensed that my instructors used conversational engagement as a tool to simply keep us students awake during class.

At Maryland I was thrown for a loop. Gone was ANY dialog with ANY of my professors unless I wanted to make an office appointment to see them (impossible since grad students chewed up most of their published office hours). Impossible since lectures were in classrooms with hundreds of other students. No, section meetings with auxiliary grad students was what was supposed to replaced the interaction I must have taken for granted at my community college. Don’t get me wrong, there were a couple of grad assistants who took a real interest in the teaching aspect of their duties (History and English specifically since teachers are what these folks were more than likely going to be doing for a living), but it was easy to see that most were doing the job as a way to pay their tuition and simply dialed it in. Despite all this, thousands of kids get their undergrad degree in this environment. They adapt and by reading and teaching themselves the subject matter they succeed.

Following my exit from that behemoth institution, I finished my degree at a small liberal arts school about twenty minutes North of Manhattan. Campus life wasn’t really any different than Maryland (girls, beer, music, sports, etc…), but I was back in classrooms where I was able to converse with the teachers and my grades reflected the change for the better. That’s just the way I learn: I talk it out (much to the dismay of some of my classmates on occasion). I LOVED debating my journalism professors openly in class (especially when they’d spout partisan invective which they did a lot). I’m pretty sure they enjoyed it too given the number of disinterested floaters who shared the classroom pretending to be students. Perhaps some would rather listen and take notes, me I’ll take engagement any day of the week.

I look back on my short tenure at a big university and remember the better of those times, televised football and basketball games, thousands visiting the campus for these events and other things, but from a student perspective I also remember feeling like a number too. It took a year and a decent amount of my dad’s hard earned capital to discover this reality and what worked best for me.

I hope my kid is as smart as Jon Richt was and makes a decision on where to attend school based on what works best for her (cough, cough West Point, cough, cough). Given that a degree will probably cost as much as a mortgage on a moderately sized home, she may not have the luxury self discovery like I did.

Animals have taken over...

2009-08-21T14:32:00.009-04:00

This is one of the reasons I didn't want to get a dog.

Here's Molly the Dachsund, or Lunchsund (Lunch Hound in the German derivation) making herself comfortable around my neck on the couch. Maybe the dog just likes me right? WRONG. It's far more sinister a plot to steal Pringles from the hand that feeds her. Watch...

Reaches in and steals the chip...

Cleans the evidence from the front of my shirt while I munch on air.

What gall.

Then we have Fiona who, just about everyday this week, refuses to leave the kid alone to do her homework.

I can't believe I feed these two varmints.

No, I'm the dummy, No you're the dummy, No, I'm the dummy...

2009-08-19T15:56:00.023-04:00

The problems we are experiencing with the political discourse in this country all lead back to fringe elements in both parties. They get the most press because they are the most vocal. “Fringies” are the most vocal because they see problems great and small as major disasters and catastrophes and nothing short of radical solutions are demanded. Neither party’s rank and file do a good job of criticizing their own fringe elements. The media however, does an excellent job of using the polarization factor to drum up what? You in the back… That’s right, RATINGS. Afterall, what’s more news worthy than citizens screaming at each other, politicians, police, etc… What’s the effect of this? You, next to the girl in the purple sweater… Right again, it promulgates a false assimilation of party centrists to their associated fringe elements. That is, if say you're for Obama’s healthcare bill you have tea and cookies with Ward Churchill regularly, if you oppose it you take your Earl Grey with Eric Rudolph. Lets looks at the last 24 hour news cycle…

The President was out in Arizona looking to drum up support for his healthcare plan. What did he say? Were there any questions put to him that he answered effectively/ineffectively? We don’t know, why? Because some nutjob carried an assault rifle to the rally outside in order to “make a point”. Barney Frank held a town hall meeting last night and so far from what I’ve read and seen in the MSM this morning is that some moronic questioner pulled the tried and true Hitler card.

I have no problem stating that I am not in favor of the President’s plan to overhaul healthcare by creating government supplied insurance available to all for a couple of reasons: first and foremost, as a nation we simply cannot afford to add another $trillion to our national debt at this time. It is far too much in an extremely weak economy that is trying hard to recover. We must get unemployment back down to 5% before tabling anything such as this monster. Second, I honestly cannot see adding yet another huge social program to the menu the Fed currently offers without overhauling and returning these existing programs to solvency FIRST. Now, many of you can offer me good reasons for the President and the Democratic majority to push forward despite these reservations of mine, but the ones I’ve heard so far simply don’t trump my two major concerns IMHO. I don't hate Obama, I'm not screaming at anybody, it's just my opinion based on facts known to me. I also can’t figure out how these two posits of mine could be considered ‘Hardline’ by anybody. The strange thing is that there are MANY folks that, based on my above stated position, will instantly and assuredly assume no difference between me and the guy who brought an assault rifle to the Obama town hall meeting. This is what has to end my friends, because it’s going to get ugly if it doesn’t. The result will be a further erosion of rationality.

There are countless examples of this false assimilation that a perpetuated every day and it sickens me. I was raised a Catholic. I don’t practice any particular brand of faith at the moment, but It would be revsionist to deny that the Catholic moral compass taught to me by my parents is what gives me my center today. I can say with honesty that, despite my youthful transgressions, it has served me well. Do I have issues with the Catholic Catechism? Yes, you bet, too much to address here, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to bite my tongue when someone makes a statement like, “All Catholics are gay hating assholes lead by pedophilic priests…”. I have friends and family who are of various devotion to the Catholic Church and I can tell you that a statement like that is the furthest thing from the truth. Are there rabid anti-homosexual elements in the church? Yes, some. Pedophile priests still? Probably a few. But by actually thinking the whole is the sum of the fringe element's thinking is simply wrong.

Abortion is another one that seems to bring out the worst in people. I support a women’s right to choose. Circumstance depending, I don’t think that an abortion should be a procedure that is as easy as it is now to procure, specifically underage women. I think it is a serious decision to make and worthy of considerable weight by parents of pregnent kids and the kids themselves. Even with these caveats, I cannot tell you how many times after making my pro-choice stance known has the dagger of fringe element assimilation been tossed at me. All of a sudden I’m a godless hippie without a grasp of consequence or personal liability. Ditto for Marijuana legalization.

What is worse is that there is more being lost by our inability to criticize our fringe elements and making these “know one, know them all” assumptions. What we are missing are the good ideas that go unconsidered, ignored, and at worse, shat on simply on account of their origin. Yesterday, I somehow found myself reading an op/ed piece in the New York Times written by the CEO of Whole Foods (I’d never heard of the guy prior). He was offering what I thought were sound alternatives to the Obama healthcare plan. I don’t know whether any or all are actually practical or not, but they seemed worthy of consideration at least. When I clicked over to one of the many liberal blogs I read daily, the author of the first post that came up was calling for a boycott of Whole Foods by what he referred to as, mostly liberal customer base, and demanded the removal of the guy from the board of directors. A good friend on Facebook reiterated the same sentiment when I mentioned the article. I was relieved to see a few other liberal friends defend the guy’s right not only to voice his non-insulting, non-threatening opinion in a national newspaper, but said they would continue to shop at his stores despite disagreeing with it.

All big policy issues are complicated, can’t we all admit this fact? I just cannot understand how nobody nowadays seems to be able to admit that they have reservations about policy being created in their own camps, or god forbid, change their mind about anything. Whatever my guy proposes is bulletproof, whatever the other guy proposes as shite. I recently visited my brother and his wife who live on a rural road quiet a distance from any neighbors in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. As we sat outside in the quite of the night together, it occurred to me that, despite being a staunch proponent of gun control, if I were living way out here with my family amongst the trees and wildlife I would more than likely own a firearm for protection against wild vermin and the criminal element (especially after hearing my sister-in-law’s tale of killing a copperhead snake that week and seeing a big black bear not far from their place). I would certainly learn how to use it and hope to never have to, but I’m pretty sure I’d have one if I lived out there. Own a gun where I live now? Not a chance.

I thoroughly condemn the fringe elements amongst conservative minded people and ridicule them often. The clinic protesters, creationist morons, and homophobes. People who take assault rifles to a public meeting with the President in attendance are assholes not worthy of attention beyond ensuring they don’t do something stupid and hurt someone else. People who refer to this US President or any other, including the last one, as “Hitler” or make comparisons to “Nazi” policy can join them too whether they’re an ignoramus citizen at a public meeting, or the speaker of the house. Enough with the Hitler/Nazi bullshit. In turn, I condemn the fringe element amongst liberals who have no concept of accountability or consequence. Who get violent and destroy property during G8 summits and cry “Give Peace a Chance” at the same time. Who dismiss and demonize ALL those who work hard, earn a good living, and are financially successful as if they’re all crooks like Bernie Madolf, and those who chase military recruiters off of public campuses.

Why don't we start taking MSM outlets for what they really are: pot stirring ratings whores who never fail to add their little “sky is falling” nuance that does nothing but queue the Pavlovian response from the fringe element and the ignorant. It’s time we shake our heads of the dizzying effects of the 24 hour new cycle and start listening and worry less about whether our thinking is in line with the mob.

UPDATE:

Boy, it didn't take long to for a shining example of MSM's BS tactics. Take a look at the following MSM peice...

The video that accompanies the dialog is the same that I've seen on many other stations. During the discussions, Contessa tees up the race card just like she's been taught to do in her freshman TV journalism classes, and fellow African-American MSNBC corospondant smacks his drive striaght down the fairway. "Whites are angry about a black president", "We'll see an attack on the president...", and the best of them all, "This is definately part of that". Here's the punchline... What these two ding-a-lings don't know because MSM has carefully editted all video shot at the Arizona town hall meeting of the gun toter is that the guy carrying the assualt rife is an African-American himself. See for yourself here...

When will it end.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2009-08-17T15:05:00.011-04:00

Well, it’s that time of year again where we lay down our pitchforks and torches and all together in unison sing “I’d Like to Teach the World” in preparation for the 2009-10 college and NFL football seasons. Then we shall pick up our torches and pitchforks and begin flailing away at each other with renewed vigor. Of course, I’m as giddy as ever since it seems so long ago since we last got the family up at the crack of dawn, loaded the family truckster up with enough gear to head into the mountains of Afghanistan and fight the Taliban for a month, and pretend we’re fifteen years younger than we actually are (my favorite part!). Much has happened in the off season that has created more uncertainty than predictability on most of my favorite teams’ fronts. So, for the two who will actually read this, here’s what I have in store for me this season…

Army – You will all probably not recall the venom that I spewed on this very blog at the onset of last season all aimed at Stan Brock (here and here), then coach of the Army football team. While not as damaging as Todd Berry/Rich Greenspan were to the program as a whole, Brock simply continued to attempt to pound a round peg into a square hole by NOT following through with his promise to install an option style offense at West Point. After losing the first two games to cupcakes (badly) by attempting to throw the ball down the field, he lost Army’s top recruit, the number 1 QB in the state of Indiana, and option wiz to resignation. Who could blame the kid? Military commitment and NOT run an option offense for four years while sitting on the sidelines as the Black Knights posted 3-8 seasons?

So in the off season following yet another trouncing by Navy, the Supe mercifully ditched Brock and hired Rich Ellerson an option offense disciple from Cal Poly, a Div 1AA school where he pretty much tore it up. From his press, he seems like a guy who knows what this job entails. He’s spent some time with Paul Johnson, another former Div 1AA option guru who turned around another storied military academy’s football program whose name I cannot mention and turned it into a real contender. Most fans and alum like the pick. Most of us will not be looking for .500 season out of the Cadets, but rather like the economy, just ANY sign that the tide is turning in the right direction. Army has three opponents on the schedule that in any other year could be categorized as “could wins” (Duke, Ball St., and Vandy), but after the seasons these teams had last year, all three will beat the crap out of Army simply because they can. I’ll be extremely satisfied if we can win three games and beat either Air Force or Navy.

Georgia Tech – Just got word that Jaybo Shaw, the Yellow Jackets back up QB is out for 8 weeks, a possible medical redshirt for this season. That’s too bad for the capable sophomore, but 2nd year Coach Paul Johnson has plenty of depth in that position. Of all the teams I follow and hold near and dear (like, hate, indifferent), Tech is the team that has the greatest potential to make some moves and some serious noise for that matter. Paul Johnson, who I predicted would be a HUGE success at GT, no longer has the “prove it” chain hanging around his neck with regard to running the triple option offense at a big time ACC school. Georgia Tech and its fans now BELIEVE. Although the shellacking they received at the hands of LSU during last years Chick-Fil-A Bowl was a big let down after a STUNNING victory over hated UGA (IN ATHENS I might remind you), last season was a enormous success by all measures (remember the win over FSU? I don’t, but there are pictures and video of me on the field jumping into a pile of GT players at the 50 yard line minutes after the game). A well balanced schedule and decent home stands could make the Jackets a shoe in for the ACC Championship and beyond. It’s going to be a great season to watch with UGA coming to Atlanta this time around.

University of Maryland Terps – Much mystery surrounds Ralph Friedgen’s Terps this year. Gone is super receiving stud Darius Heyward-Bey to the Oakland Raiders, but Chris Turner returns for his Sr. Year with a couple of solid Juniors to throw to, assuming he’s the Fridge’s pick to start (all indications are that it’s his job to lose). I trolled the net for anything interesting regarding the Terps and found little other than Sr. nose tackle Armstrong’s dysfunctional departure. I’d say Ralph is looking at a Chan Gaily season this year. Meaning the university, while glad to brag about W/L records and four bowl games (albeit non-New Year’s eve/day games), they know that the program is capable of more. And it is. The Fridge has shed 100+ pounds from his belly and wants to stay for a few more years until he retires. Winning some big games this season like FSU and Cal, AND winning the ones their supposed to (UVA and Wake) should keep the rotund coach there until he’s ready to leave on his own.

Penn State – The Ninny Lions are preseason ranked respectful of their success and stature in the previous two seasons. The only question that stands out in my mind is again a weakness in schedule. I think it hurt them last year during bowl selection and might again this year (not that the Rose Bowl is a slouch game by any means). Not much you can do about weakness in your own conference, but as good as they are, replacing a game with the Zips or Temple with a solid non-conference opponent would go a long way when the BCS oceans start to churn in late November. PSU will be huge again this year.

Atlanta Falcons – Matt Ryan. That’s almost enough to say on the topic of this years Falcons season, but there is much more to the Falcons than our starting super star QB. For one, our coach Mike Smith also in his second year. I think that players MUST believe in their coach in order for a team to excel into the playoffs. You can get there without this faith amongst the ranks, but to compete for a real shot at the big game, you’ve got to get there with the head coach at the tip of the spear and Mike Smith is that kind of guy. In one year he has turned a rag tag bunch of misfits into a formidable power of belief with fans and players alike. Some solid additions to the roaster via draft and trades keeps the Birds overall team development moving forward. Easy contender for the division.

New York Jets – Well, I can’t really say I know a lot about what the Jets are doing to better themselves this season after folding pretty badly in the latter half of last season. I’ll have to rely on my main man Jackson to fill me in and get me excited about their chances this year. Obviously the QB slot is what I worry the most about, and the loss of Coles of course. If I were the Jets, I’d be looking at DJ Shockley who I believe is the most capable, yet underrated up and coming QB in the league and he’s just struggling to get a third string slot here in Atlanta right now. A total waste. Will someone PLEASE give this guy a shot!

Oakland Raiders – Boy, it was nice to see the Raiders beat NFL Axis of Evil member the always hated Dallas Cowboys last week even if it was just pre-season. Oakland actually looked like a team who wanted to play with, vs against each other. Of course, what the final roster will look like in three weeks is anybody’s guess and the organization could all fall right back into the circus that is Raider football in a Bay Area minute, but maybe there are signs of life for us who have worn the Raider paper bag on our heads for the last five years. The pick up of my man Darius Hayward-Bey from Maryland may have been controversial, but will prove to be a good decision as was the acquisition of Jeff Garcia for any other reason than to get Russell off his over paid ass. If they beat my brother’s crappy Cardinals in Oakland I’ll be happy enough with their progress.

Teams I hate, but am forced to follow:

Arizona Cardinals – Now that the underdog thing is over with I can stop feeling sorry for my brother and willfully root against them again. Prediction: They will go back to sucking.

New England Patriots – Will suck worse than last year, Tom Brady will get kicked in the junk opening day and call signals in a higher register for the rest of the season bringing laughter and ridicule from opposing defenses.

Washington Redskins – Suck.

Dallas Cowboys – Fail and suck are too good of words for this NFL team. May everything go wrong with every aspect of this organization. May all the toilets in their new stadium overflow.

That’s about it folks. It’s hard to argue with any of my assessments here, but by all means try if you may. That’s what the internet is for after all. Other things to look forward to this season: A trip the Raleigh NC to see a Wolf Pack game with my Uncle, and a trip to West Point for the Vandy game. Can’t wait. See you all there!

Dispatch 3 Family Vacation STILL By Molly

2009-07-28T11:32:00.020-04:00

You figured that I would be writing this final vacation post from the comfort of my pink floral bed fighting the urge to chase those ding-a-ling cats around the dining room, but that is not the case because our vacation journey has not quite ended yet. I’ll get to all that in a minute. First, let catch you up on our odyssey to date…

Pulled into Grandma’s on time Monday to overcast skies, which we’re told, has been the case pretty much the entire summer thus far. Dad’s buddy Ted had Monday and Tuesday off, so he elected to jump into the city and spend the day with him and his lovely lady listening to records and enjoying the couples most excellent cooking. Looks like he managed to find yet another vinyl record shop before returning to us gals back in Paramus New Jersey. Dad sure seems to like these bagels thingies that he gets up in the morning and walks to some store to get. He shared a few morsels with me and I can see what he’s saying. Seems that I’m a pretty popular little hound in these parts. This gigantic teenager Thomas took an instant liking to me and I was glad to share his company too. Grandma was particularly found of sharing her special chair by the TV and sneak me treats. Don’t tell mom and dad…

On Thursday, we went up to West Point and Highland Falls to see Katie’s Fairy Godmother and her lovely daughters. First, dad took us through West Point to see how the housing construction project was going in his old neighborhood. LOTS of family pets wandering around a bunch of torn down houses, a couple of completed rebuilds that really looked nice, but was surprised to see many families still living in the old quarters. West Point: The Never Ending Construction Project.

On our way through main post, I was told that an honor that had bestowed on only a few was to be mine. I don’t remember all the details, but many years ago at Trophy Point, a brave and quite good looking young man, saved an Asian tourist from snapping a photo without the proper flash setting by gallantly getting himself stuck in an 18th century howitzer. By creating the distraction, the tourist caught his mistake and also got a couple of shots of the brave hero in his posterior predicament. So, I was blessed to be placed into the bore of that VERY same armament. What an honor indeed. After some chatter and giggling about not having any flint and matches, we pressed on to pizza and Katie’s Fairy Godmothers.

It’s great to see Katie's FGM so happy. Part of her new found happiness comes from her recent adoption of her dog Oliver. Oliver is quite the lively one. We got along as handsomely as the humans did with each other with lots of crumbs to find and cats to chase. Apparently, FGM has quite a bit going on these days. She’s renovating her folks old house to move into while selling the one she’s in now. Her stunningly beautiful daughters were able to join us too. Always a good time I’m told, and I look forward to coming back soon.

Friday we said goodbye to New Jersey and got underway again for what we had thought would be our last stop on this journey, after a quick stop at one of the colleges dad attended (does everybody go to so many colleges?). I got stuck in the car while everybody else went shopping and had lunch. What a gyp, but after being made to pose for a photo with a huge turtle, we were underway once more.

Dad’s cousin Buzz’s place was LOTS of fun. Other than an old cat, there were no other pets, but lots of kids. The humans seemed to enjoy hanging out on the screen deck drinking beverages while the kids ran amuck. After they had returned from one of their outings, I overheard mom and dad say that they had visited their uncle and aunt who have retired to the area. Apparently, these folks have a pretty nice place that they’ve been working on for a long time. I got to see this firsthand as we stopped by to see them, more of dad’s cousins, and their kids on our way out of town Sunday. The three men seem to have spent the entire time discussing this thing called “ACC Football” whatever that means. There was also a trip to Raleigh cemetery to visit the final resting place of dad’s Grandmother and MANY others in the Phillips/Busbee bloodline. Apparently, we used to own this town. The cemetery was closed, but that didn’t stop the men from jumping the fence and leaving our tribute to this fine and distinguished lady. A great family dinner out and walking tour of downtown followed.

As we waved our last goodbyes pulling out onto I40, our thoughts wandered to the home stretch of our trip back to our cats, family, friends, and the familiarity that home brings. The trip was a resounding success beyond any and all expectations.

As we cruised towards Charlotte and hunkered down for another four hours of drive, we noticed that the air conditioner began to struggle and the dashboard lights flickering as the gauges wigged out. Fortunately, we were able to limp into a Firestone shop which was open on Sunday. Dad worked with the attendants to replace the battery, but apparently, the car also had a bad alternator which Firestone didn’t have. This meant sneaking me into a hotel and getting towed over to the Toyota dealership which is what we did the next morning. Turns out that the state of North Carolina limits the quantity of alternators for 2007 Toyota Camry’s because not one was available in the entire state (dad checked). Another day/night in a hotel which brings us to where we are currently. We are anxiously waiting a call from the dealership that the car is ready and we can finally get underway. What surprises await us? I hope none.

We’ve made the best of the extended portion of our trip, but hotels just wear you out after a while. So stay tuned, and hope to see you on the other side, back to our home in Georgia.

Dispatch 2 Family Vacation By Molly

2009-07-19T21:26:00.013-04:00

Well, I spent our day in my create while everybody else went shopping and sight seeing. Dad and Uncle Chris hit the record store where dad apparently found some major scores including a mint copy ‘California Jam Two Live’ on vinyl whatever that is. Katie picked up yet another Webkinz from O.P. Taylors in Bravard. Me, I discovered some very interesting smells in the juniper bushes outside the front door and enjoyed each of the opportunities given to me to root around in them. After a great meal (of which I was able to mooch a few nibblets) and great conversation we all turned in for the night. Chris and Kim live an enviable life in the peaceful tranquility of the Blue Ridge Mountains. It's hard to describe how quiet the evenings are there.

Friday morning, we said our goodbyes, piled into the car, and headed out for Michele, Eric, Ethan, and some dog named Newman’s home in Fredrick Maryland. It was a long stretch to drive and by the time we pulled into the driveway, it was 6:00 PM. I was immediately thrown into my create while everybody else headed over to Toby and Christian Calvo’s house for what appears to be a regular Friday night barbeque where from what they told me, the million kids there all played together while adults yukked it up and consumed copious amounts of booze late into the night. I was told that these are some mighty good people Eric, Michele, and Ethan have for neighbors and friends. I would get to meet them the following night.

While the humans were partying that night, I introduced myself to the portly old man beagle of the house. I was told he might be ornery, but it turns out that we’ve got quite a bit in common. His mooching skills, while a bit old school, are quite impressive.

The men spent Saturday golfing and the women and kids went to the pool. A large, well attended party was thrown in the evening and much merriment ensued. Old friend and fellow West Point brat Kelly Ripperberger and family made the trip up from VA as well as our bestest friend Lori Crowe from Silver Spring. More drinks and boisterous behavior that would have bothered all the neighbors if they weren't all there on the back deck with us already. It was a great night indeed.

More golf and pool hanging today, mooched some leftovers tonight and we’re all pretty wiped out. Tomorrow, we’ll be heading north once again for Paramus New Jersey to see Grandma, uncles, aunts, cousins, dad’s friend Ted, Rod, and many more. I will be ready to charm treats as soon as the car door opens in Springsteen land.

I heard dad mutter as he fell asleep tonight, “It’s quite an honor to meet all these amazing people my sister has as friends and am humbled that they so warmly welcomed us into their circle for a couple days”. Amen to that dad.

Well, onward to New Jersey. We’ll see you on the other side…

(Man, is it great to be back in the land of high speed internet!!!)

Dispatch 1 Family Vacation By Molly

2009-07-16T17:01:00.010-04:00

Well, we finally got underway last around 5:00 PM or so, bound for my dad’s brother’s place in Pisgah Forrest, NC. I spent the day working hard in preparation for the trip, meaning I slept on my couch spot while my owners scrambled around piling as much crap as they could possibly fit into a 2007 Toyota Camry.

I decided to take the wheel for the first leg and give my owners a break. After ten or fifteen minutes of hard driving, it was definitely time to stop for something to eat. My recommendation was McDonald’s for some of their most excellent fries. Only Katie seemed to think this was a good idea, and after my owners resoundingly vetoed my plan we pressed on. I would not get my mouth on those fries until we were almost in South Carolina.

It was a fairly uneventful drive (except for those SWEET McDonald’s fries in Toccoa GA, did I tell you about those?). Spirits were high as we navigated a new route to Uncle Chris & Aunt Kim’s, which took us through Nantahala Forrest and State Park. As I swished through the switchbacks at a good click, a large black figure appeared in the road ahead. Naturally, a little barking was in order. A deer perhaps? Nope, it only turned out to be a black bear, no big whup, but my owners thought it was a big deal. People, sheez...

We arrived on time at Chris and Kim’s as they were returning from walking their two big dogs and… WHAT?!!! Two big dogs, what are they doing here?!!!

I'm supposed to be the only dog on this junket. Crap, now I’m going to have to share the attention. Look, dad’s already playing with the new year old Golden Retriever mixes (Chelsea and Jenny). Okay, I’ll admit it, there are great dogs in their own right. It appears that their original owners just couldn't handle them and their new baby, so Chris and Kim are going to keep them. I think we’ll be good friends for a long time.

Vinyl record shopping and sight seeing lined up tomorrow. I hope I can go with them vs. being locked in my create.

More later…

(Oh my god this taking for ever on Chris's dial up connection! What is he, Ammish?!)

I wasn't alone I guess...

2009-06-24T12:11:00.009-04:00

I orignally wrote the post below in January of 2007. Tom Watson had invited me to join a gang of bloggers in a venture he titled "Newcritics". It was the first I submitted to him. Sadly, Newcritics is folding up shop, but it had a great run and I made some cool friends while being a contributor.

Last night, I was flipping through my latest copy of Newsweek and caome upon this article. It is definately worth the read and I encourge everybody to read it all the way through. My first reaction was amazement that so many soldiers participated in the games creation, but also feel a bit vindicated by the the parents and loved ones lost during The Battle of Fallujah. In the end, it's their wishes that come first, and I think it's time to stop making games out of things like this.

But that's just one man's opinion. Read it all and let me know what you think in the blog or Facebook comments.

Here's my original post form Jan. 2007...

Band of Brothers: The Game...

I write this post at great risk of sounding much older than my 42 years, but my lack of diction and eloquence coupled with the fact that I regrettably paid exactly zero attention during any writing class throughout high school and college leaves me with this handicap that I alone am accountable for.

The fact that Tom Watson finds anything I write at all interesting tells me a few things about him: He is either certifiably insane, bored, both, or he possesses the uncanny ability to ignore all the poor grammar, misspelling, terrible syntax, etc... and somehow get what it is that I'm attempting to say, actually thinks others might be able to do the same, and somehow find it the slightest bit interesting. So, on the strength of that assessment here goes nothing...

One of the cool things about our trips back to the NYC area is that I get to see my young nephew. He's now a seventh grader and it pains me to hear his voice deepening and listen to him speak of the opposite sex without the adolescent disdain that was so abundant during our last visit only a year ago (see the opening sentence of this post). He's an extremely bright and well-mannered kid that any parent would be proud to have as a son. He's also a video game addict.

He's played video games for as long as I can remember him having the dexterity to operate a joystick. I always feel bad when I see him because he immediately wants to show me his prowess at the latest game flying off Best Buy shelves everywhere, and I sometimes have to fane interest since I can not readily identify the subtle graphical enhancements between Madden Football IV vs. V that he's so amped to demonstrate for me.

This past holiday season was different though. His parents were actually able to hunt down a Nintendo Wii system for him as a well-deserved reward for his continued success with his school work. Since I read a crap-load of tech blogs, I was genuinely curious to see what this thing could do with it's forearm mounted virtual controller and all. As soon as we hit his front door, predictably he dragged me post haste to his room to check it out. As he cut the machine on, up came a graphic for the game Call of Duty 3.

Within a few seconds, we were in the 1^st person behind an M-1 rifle making our way through the Normandy seawall breech. Extremely realistic graphics. Frighteningly realistic graphics. My nephew was able to hurl hand grenades, reload his rifle, direct mortar fire at enemy armor, navigate the ruins of war torn French towns, etc... To say this gaming system is amazing would simply be the understatement of the year. But it wasn't the gaming system that caught my long term attention though; more it was the content of the game he was playing.

Since I don't play video games of any kind (I'm a pinball man; again see the opening sentence of this post), I've found myself struggling not to overreact to strong feelings that bubbled up while watching my nephew take such great joy in German soldiers flying through the air after the grenade he just heaved into their machine gun nest exploded. I will tell you that I'm the one who you'd normally find scornfully rolling his eyes at children's birthday parties when I hear some parent say, “We don't play guns, army, war, etc...

We played war in the woods as kids all the time. We made M-16's out of tree branches if we didn't have plastic replicas already and none of us went on to pick off innocent civilians from a clock tower after all, but this game with its shocking detail and historically accurate depictions gave me great pause, great pause.

I wonder if it's the right thing to be doing creating a game out of the “Day of Days". Are we desensitizing this young man to the sacrifice our grandfathers made for the liberation of Europe and for all mankind? Marginalizing for our youth the horrors of warfare perhaps? Will my nephew experience the same feelings of awe I did when I first saw the opening twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan? Will his eyes well up with tears, or will he see it as another redundant recreation, just another level in a game he's long since mastered? Does he know that these stories are real? That entire companies of men lost their life in an instant after the sea baring carrier that brought them to shore let its door down? That thousands of fathers and mothers would get a telegram delivered to them by an Army Chaplin driving an olive drab car informing them of their loss as a result of what transpired on June 6^th 1944?

I want to think that perhaps this game will make learning about historical events like WWII more interesting since he will have visual references to draw on, but are these the preferable references we want our kids to have? The thing that had the greatest impact for me regarding the release of Saving Private Ryan was the feedback from surviving veterans I read in so many magazines and a few of my father's military publications.

Many stated that the realistic 1^st person aspect of the opening montage was a quintessential testament for the benefit of the ages and all who weren't there. After seeing the D-Day sequence many experienced emotions long since buried deep within their psyche. I wonder if we're not somehow doing a dishonor to these men by making a game out of their most horrific memories.

I don't pretend to have reconciled any of this, and to be honest, have come to not a single conclusion other than to say that I still have that sickly feeling in my lower abdomen when thinking about kids my nephew's age all over the world laughing and smiling while they lay waste to a division of Nazi infantry. It's just a feeling of wrongness that I can't overcome and get right with the progressive side of me. However, I'm keenly interested in hearing others thoughts on this subject and when Tom invited me to contribute to this new venture, I thought this post would be perfect for this forum.

So what is it? Am I just getting old? Is it becoming a parent that has brought all this on? Am I out of touch with today's youth and their reality/fantasy separation capabilities? Whatever anyone's feelings are about our countries current engagements, my gut says that one thing we should all agree on is that every American should understand the consequences that fall solely on the shoulders of our men and women deployed in combat. Do games like this help teach our kids, or do a disservice?

This is the question I ask to all of you...

Iranian voters say, "I want my MTV!" Council responds, "How 'bout The Disney Channel instead..."

2009-06-15T11:22:00.018-04:00

Boy, how ‘bout that Iranian election huh? Not a better example of democracy in action than that, I tell ya… Sure, the favored candidate lost, but the level of acceptance and tolerance of the returns and the overall support for the Iranian constitution by all parties is a shining testament to the fairness of a one man, one vote society.

All snark aside… Sadly, I wish I had more of an optimistic outlook for those who are taking to the streets in Tehran today. I wish I believed that a momentum swing has/is occurred. I think many pro-democracy western friendly students and academics are sort of waiting to see if the tide is really going to come in on this thing before they close their books and join their braver counterparts. I just don’t think it’s going to happen. Honestly, part of the problem is that young folks in Iran have it better than the generation prior as far as freedoms and are reluctant to see it all evaporate demanding more. They’ve adopted the very American “ignore them (the hardliners) and they’ll leave you alone” approach. Too bad they can't get a grip on the reality that they will NEVER truly leave them alone EVER.

The facts are this… Iran is ruled by the HYPERWEALTHY Supreme Guardian Council. These are mullahs and judges install during the late 70’s revolution. These council members and their extended families are the main benefactors of Iran’s petroleum exports (their is little diff between these asshats and the House of Saud as far as oil money distribution goes). They are rich beyond belief. Their thievery is concealed under the cloak of religious totalitarianism, a popular favorite in the Middle East. The council has effectively played the game of puppet government VERY well in Iran, perhaps as well as their most hated enemy the Saudi's. Giving in and looking the other way on small breeches of obedience as long as it didn’t look or smell like a movement. Hell, the mullahs don’t even care that most educated Iranians dismiss them and their loud mouth puppet president as idiots and thieves, as long as these things don’t coalesce into popular opposition movement.

I do think the elections have moved the ball forward though, if only a yard or two. Assuming that a Tienanmen style crack down is avoided, in the coming months Ahmadinejad and the council will release the pressure valve of “personal freedoms” a little to calm the most dangerous numbers among the dissenters (those on the fence right now) and a go back to barking at the west. While this may not help Hillary in the short term, playing this game ultimately is bad for Iran’s Supreme Guardian Council. Funny thing about freedom, it’s awful hard to roll back up once you’ve let it out.

I’d love to be wrong here, I’d love to wake up everyday this week to headlines that the crowds in Tehran are growing each day and a real movement is gaining a foot, but I sort of put myself in the shoes of one of those fence sitters over there and analyze it from a more tactical standpoint. As much as I hate to say it, it’s probably better to provide assistance to street fighters when you can, keep your face covered to remain anonymous, shoot and scoot, and live to fight another day, perhaps when the ”Great Gettin’ up Morning” actually does come. See how this plays with the White House and Europe, maybe let opposition leadership evolve and organize a little bit more.

That’s how I see it anyway. My best wishes for those brave Iranian men and women who are taking to the streets. I hope what you’re feeling is contagious…

Office Space: The Decline of Western Civilization Part I...

2009-06-05T14:37:00.024-04:00

I knew when I packed up my spacious office on my last day with Sprint-Nextel that the chances of moving back into an office at my next job would probably hover around 50-50. As it happened, I was only out of work for two and half months before landing here at my current employer. I felt then, certainly as I do now, grateful to be gainfully employed doing work that I enjoy for the most part. Since my new job had no direct reports as my last one did, back to the cubicle farm I went. After a month or two had gone by, I discovered that NOT having to be responsible for subordinate employees FAR out weighed the lost in privacy, plus the cube my new boss gave me was huge. About this time last year, they did a restack and my boss again ensured that I got one of the large cubes even though there weren’t enough for everyone to have one.

After surviving five layoffs and two restacks it would appear that my string of luck has come to an end not with a whimper, but with a bang. No, I’ve not been laid off, but our department was ordered to move into new space this week and I’m now in a cracker box. Let me give you a tour of my sorry new digs:

I'm a big guy, my only chair move is to spin around stationary otherwise I'm in the isle. Not good.

The left wall. Note my six projects lying neatly over one another. I'll get to them as soon as I'm done with this post, check my personnal e-mail and blog feed reader (for Chan, note 'Slammer' playbill in upper right hand corner).

Dig the old skool Roladex and photo of the Porsche I no longer own.

This is Katie's Wall. Reminds me of the reason I drive an hour into the city and sit in a tiny ass cube all day long.

The worst thing about this cube other than it's tiny size, is it's proximity to the "short cut door". The damn thing is directly behind me.

Assholes barging through it every ten minutes instead of walking the five steps around the mail desk. Dicks, all of them.

There is one potentially positive omen. The dude that used to dwell in this cube left this guy behind:
AWE HELLS YEAH!!! Check out the rockin' Indian dude playing the lap piano. Even retains the curry odor.

I'm getting a telepathic message from him right now... he says... Tony, you've earned it... Take the afternoon... You're boss has headed home already... Go grab a cold one and sit in your new pool floaty... I have deemed it so.

This dude must abide...

"50! Smoking out back..."

2009-05-19T15:27:00.013-04:00

As a high school freshman at James I. O’Neill in the latter days of the fall of 1978, I remember hearing his big booming voice for the first time as I ran up the hall late to his class. A voice that suited the man’s physical stature to a tee. A voice that I would become very familiar with for the next four years. I had just been given my “revised” schedule after flagging EVERY class the first quarter trying to keep up with my more academically inclined friends in "Regents" classes(?). My folks and guidance counselor thought a ‘redo’ was in order. As young and dumb as I was back then I couldn’t have cared less either way, it was off to second period wood shop or so said the wrinkled piece of paper in my hand. As I got to the door of his class with the smoke from the last drag of my cigarette dissipating out of my nostrils, I heard, “Phillips!!! Paterick Phillips?!!” just as the door closed and locked (for what ever reason he couldn’t say Patrick, it was always Paterick). Rule one: Don’t be late to AY’s shop classes (I’m sure his first name was Andrew or Arthur or something proper, but I never knew it, or don’t remember it. Not Mr. Yagel, just AY to all of us).

In the days that followed, I learned all of AY’s rules and through the years many of his idiosyncrasies. The rules were simple: Listen to his ten minute lesson, have your homework ready to hold up when your name was called (MANY of us scrawled nursery rhymes out in numbered paragraphs on his colored paper to hold up. I’d say this worked 50% of the time), take his tests, and do your projects. At the end of each class he “rendered” you a grade on a chart posted on the wall. He’d go around the room after clean up, mention what you had done, and pencil in a grade which he shouted out; “Stumbo, nice work on your lathe project today, let’s get it sanded and into finishing by the end of this week, 90”. Yannitelli, smoking out back, I ought to render you a 50, but you got a coat of lacquer on that table of yours so you slide with a 65”, and so on. Being rendered a “50” was what us shop guys did our marginal best to avoid. Later I would learn that AY rendered 50’s to any student he felt didn’t meet the grade whether he or she was in his class or not.

Shop classes back then were pretty much the embodiment of the old school stereotype. The rough around the edges kids, trouble makers, and academically challenged made up most of the roll call, no offense to those who were actually otherwise. It took a special kind of guy (NEVER women) to take on these classrooms and AY was perfectly suited to the task. He was a strong man with big authoritive hands and no neck. He wore a 1950’s style square and tight barber haircut with a set of reading glasses perched on the end of his nose. He rarely smiled. No, that would show us degenerates that he might have a weak side or a soft spot. That’s not to say he lacked a sense of humor.

I guess I followed a typical path upon joining his class which was essentially to blow off everything and make pot smoking devices for the first couple of weeks, “50! Paterick Phillips, pot pipes”, was what he’d call out loudly so the whole class could hear as he’d walk over to the chart on the wall and note the grade. Like many others before and after, I finally got in line and began doing the work and projects as assigned. While AY never smiled, you knew when your worked pleased him and it didn’t have to be great work to accomplish this. It just had to be work that you yourself gave a shit about. I guess that was his first step in dealing with punks like me. I imagine that once he got a kid to care, the rest would come easy. As far as I’m concerned, the man couldn’t have been more right.

AY gave you a break when you deserved a break, and rendered 50’s when they were warranted. Sometimes he’d render a 50 with great stoicism and dry wit to amazing comic effect. As some may recall, I wore my hair pretty long in those days. Sometime during my senior year I happened to have been working on a project that required me to drill a pilot hole in a piece of wood by hoisting the drill up around ear level. I lined up the hole, press the drill’s trigger, and quickly began to pick up the odor of burning hair. Others around the shop table took notice too just as I heard the drill suddenly grind to a halt and at the same time felt a tug on the side of my head. Yes, my hair had gotten caught in the electric motor of the drill. As my classmates began to chuckle, I heard AY pushing through the loud shop bellowing, “What’s burning in my shop?!!!” It took him about two seconds after arriving at our work bench to suss it all out. He unplugged the cord, inspected the power tool which was now stuck to my head, and in his typical manner barked, “Paterick Phillips, 50, improper safety, hair caught in drill!” As he walked over to note my grade on the chart, he informed me that 50’s for the week would follow if I didn’t get my hair out of his drill by the end of the day. I took the power tool to study hall and pulled every last piece of hair out until it worked good as new.

I stayed in the West Point/Highland Falls area for a few years after graduating high school and would often hear other guys much older than I render one another a 50. You might be picking something up at the IGA and overhear a conversation and out of the blue one party would say, “Yeah, I’d have to give’em his 50 for that…”, or hear some dad quip to a kid inside the house, “50, leaving toys in yard…” as you walked by.

Sadly, today a good friend informed me that AY passed away yesterday after a short illness. Naturally, my first thought was to render providence a 50 for taking a guy who had such a remarkable positive impact on so many young men at an age when we needed it the most. There will certainly be no shortage of eulogies delivered in memory of Mr. Yagel, and from my home here in Atlanta Georgia I can picture in my head all the cars lined up on 9W by Hogan’s Funeral Home belonging to the hundreds who will turn up to pay their respects. There will surely be sadness and many tears, but I guarantee there will also be men, some completely gray and others with just a speck showing, holding back chuckles as they retell their own favorite AY vignette to each other. The memories will eventually breach restraint and give way to outright laughter. Nobody will mind this small decorum violation as everyone who knew him will understand. I can’t think of a better way to be remembered than that really.

Rest in peace AY…

Good man Mr. President...

2009-05-13T17:15:00.004-04:00

This is a good move on President Obama’s behalf. Whether it was his own decision, or one in which his closest advisers counseled him on, it doesn’t matter. Publishing those photos puts lives in danger and inflames an already tight situation in the ME. Obama may have to evoke executive order/privilege in order to keep them from being released and I hope it doesn’t come to that, but for now I give him mad props for thinking rationally about this.

The ACLU can go fuck off...

UPDATE:

Uncanny that this story has no real follow up at least at CNN this morning, but there is one of their goofy polls that show that 80% of their readers agree with the President that publishing the remaining photos is a bad idea. Now, let's see if he can square away this plan to inflate our way to fiscal solvency.

How Long?

2009-05-05T10:47:00.003-04:00

This is the tune I was bitching about this weekend since it's only available from Amazon at a price of $50 plus. Damn, what a smooth fucking groove though. Click the "Play the whole song" link in the player and SOMEBODY send me an mp3 of this PLEASE!

How Long - Ace

Caveat Emptor...

2009-04-30T11:39:00.014-04:00

Com’on, admit it, you’ve had the very same moment of weakness. Everything you see and hear tells you not to do it. The evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. You just have that sliver of optimistic gut feeling that perhaps everybody else was just missing the magic and if they simply stopped, closed their eyes, and took a deep breath it would all make sense and beauty would be revealed. You? Well you would be credited with discovering the most overlooked diamond in the rough the world has ever seen.

As you humble readers may recall (all three of you), I read the pinnacle rock bio of Led Zeppelin “Hammer of the Gods” not too long ago. You remember the post…

Me: Great story of this gigantic force of rock music. Don’t like all their work, but a great deal is simply mind blowing. Deserving of their place in the pantheons of rock history.

Jackson: Plant sucks, Page is sloppy.

Misanthrope: Yeah, what he said.

Anyhoodle, During the long dry spell of output following Bonzo’s death, the surviving Zep’s really struggled to figure out what they wanted to do next. For Jimmy Page, consuming metric tons of heroin didn’t help his quest any. There were many attempts on Jimmy’s behalf to get together with Robert in any of Jimmy’s bazillion studio’s spread out all over the United Kingdom to do some song writing, but Robert was having none of that. Jimmy had been a working musician for most of his life and ALWAYS worked in collaborative situations no matter if it was session work, The Yardbirds, or Zep. He simply didn’t do well on his own.

So, after being turned down by Plant yet again and in an act of creative desperation (or defiance depending on who you ask), Page dialed up another formidable blonde front man, fellow countrymen David Coverdale.

Before you all make the obligatory stinky cheese grip of your nose, remember Coverdale’s resume goes far deeper than supermodels crawling on the hoods of cars. He capably fronted Deep Purple in the early/mid 70’s and made some decent records with Whitesnake before MTV and greed ruined it all. Just admit it, the dude’s got the pipes. Yes, his mop of blonde hair, and stage poses harkened back to old Zep shows, but I can grant him his right to pay homage to an idol of his. Okay… So he sounds a bit like the guy too (I’d say much better really).

Coverdale must have pissed his pants after what I’m sure must have been many hang ups before the realization hit that this was no crank: “Hello mate, this is Jimmy Page… you wanna come down to my place and have a go at a couple of these songs?” Coverdale: “Who is this? Nigel? Fuck off and quit calling me, I’m in the midst of being beat up by my girlfriend”.

You’ve got Jimmy Page with arm loads of material backed up since Zep grinded to a halt, and a more than capable singer who is currently in the charts everywhere. Something great is about to be put to tape, right? I mean com’on?!

I should have known when I got an e-mail from Amazon that said: “This album is no longer in print, please check our used offerings for this title”. Okay, let’s take a look… Another sign telling me to wave off: There are hundreds of copies available from used resellers and the price range on the first thirty listed is .01 to .50 cents (NO! They’ve all got to be wrong). I pull the trigger and order the disc for .50 cents plus $2.50 shipping and am careful not to tell anybody about it. I pray that I get home and grab it at the door before my wife see’s what I’ve done. "Have you ordered porn online?!" (opens package) "Oh no Tony, this is much worse!" I grabbed my disc and this morning dropped it into the player for the ride in sure that vindication would be mine.

Well... Jimmy Page would have done himself (and the rest of us) a favor by forgetting Plant's and Coverdale's number and ringed up John Paul Jones instead. JPJ's the song crafter of that lot anyway. He's the one who molded Pages riffs into songs. No, everybody wasn’t missing anything. There would be no diamond in the rough discovery. No defensible “They don’t know what they’re talking about” moment. Just eleven songs of poop. Into the rack it goes filed under "P" perhaps never to see the light of day again.

Hmmm, wait a minute, who’s birthday is coming up next…?

Dance! Cuts rip your pants...

2009-04-27T16:35:00.007-04:00

This video is awesome for two reasons (sorry, it's unable to be embedded): One, it's Eric B. and Rakim rattling off one of the greatest hip hop jams of all time. Two, there's a cameo by Paul Borghese my co-star in "Fright House". I'm sure he's got it listed on his resume as a starring role.

BTW, The title of this post is also fitting for two reasons: One it's a portion of the lyrics to the track. Two, I ripped my pants when I got into work this morning and so far have successfully avoided being clowned for it.

Take that you suckers...

Little bit better than it used to be?

2009-04-08T14:05:00.004-04:00

My kid is big into animals right now. I mean, every thought she has, awake or asleep, is about animals. I’m in awe at the veracity of her search for as much knowledge as she can get her sponge like brain on. She’ll watch one of the gazillion on demand cable shows available on Animal Planet, History Channel, National Geographic Channel, etc… and once credits roll, she immediately gets on one of the computers and starts searching for stuff on line.

She’s been nose deep in dinosaurs of late and as it is with her hereditary chattiness, asks quite a few questions about one thing or another since she is aware of my own fascination with dinosaurs.

This weekend as she read aloud from one of her many dinosaur books, I decided that she was ready to see the Steven Spielberg film ‘Jurassic Park’. I know the movie is light fare ala ‘E.T.’, but it’s a great movie for what it is. I absolutely love the book for all of the Ian Malcolm chaos theory stuff, but those discussions will come much further down the road for Mini Alva and me. For now, it’s all about seeing dinosaurs mix it up with people. So it was last night that we sat down after dinner, turned the volume up on the surround system, and watched ‘Jurassic Park’. Needless to say, Mini Alva loved it! She went to bed right after it finished and I fully expected to have her wander in during the night all scared from bad dreams, but my brave trooper proved me wrong and slept in past 9:30!!! I’m sure there are many questions she’s got for me and I can’t wait to answer them all.

I did have a thought this morning that gave me pause though… When I was a kid and first being exposed to the majesty and mystery of the dinosaurs, I spent many a night conjuring in my mind the world as it was 64 million years ago. I’d stare at photos and try to imagine what these gigantic creatures looked like moving around and coexisting with each other. These thoughts would occasionally wake me out of nightmares starring tyrannosaurs’ mauling some poor herbivore. It was a rare and splendid period in my adolescence when I actually enjoyed reading. The best animated look we got of dinosaurs was the wholly ridiculous claymation dreck of “Land of the Lost” on Saturday mornings and it never really got any better than that.

For Mini Alva, this is not the case of course. At seven, she has been to the American Museum of Natural History in NYC (experiencing the actual scope and size of dinosaurs) and five weeks later watched a strikingly realistic depiction of these beasts chasing and EATING people! I can’t help but think I’ve cheated her, even if it’s just a little bit, of a chance to conjure her own ideas of what life was like in the Jurassic period by handing it to her on a silver platter. On the other hand, if my dad had actually come home one night when I was her age with a movie like ‘Jurassic Park’ he’d have been more a hero than I already thought he was.

So, I don’t know. What do you think?

My Birthday: An After Action Report or, How you know your family cares little for you…

2009-04-01T15:45:00.018-04:00

Well, I’ve been so busy at work that I’ve not been able to blog and socialize on these here internets for awhile. I thought I might catch you up and how I made out for my birthday.

My brother and I have been gifting world class crap CD’s to each other for years now. He stung me good a few years back with a Joey Lawrence disc, but I fired a shot that clearly knocked him down when I came across a Fabio disc that I’m to understand he has in heavy rotation all time much to the chagrin of his wife.

Well, my folks thought they were being clever and original by jumping on this bandwagon last week. So as I tore the wrapping paper away on my first gift, this beauty was revealed from my Dad:

Nice. Except the jokes on him since he actually paid money to see the Capt. And his large mouth Mrs. Back in 1980. I think he made my sisters go too. Notice the price tag has this debut album marked down to $3.99. That’s $3.98 too much.

Next was this from my mother…

This is a five song EP of some stinky doo doo. It was over priced at $2.99 too. I know I caused her her great pain in my youth, but I swear I thought all was forgiven six years ago when I gave her a grandchild. I guess I thought wrong.

My brother has been calling each day for the last week asking if the gift he ordered for me had arrived yet. “Nothing yet” I told him Sunday. I had to travel to Indianapolis Monday but, upon my return last night this was waiting for me:

Yes, the very book I blogged about below which I discovered at Dr. Zibb’s place.

All I can say is… IT’S ON BUDDY BOY!!! As the Lord Humungous once said, “I promise you, newbody, newbody gits eowta here alive”.

Death and Taxes...

2009-03-26T14:36:00.008-04:00

So, I’m reading “Hammer of the Gods” for the first time. I know, I haven’t seen “Gone with the Wind”, or “It’s a Wonderful Life” either. That’s just how I roll. Anyway, it’s actually a pretty well done rock biography IMHO. I like the pace Stephen Davis has charted for his chronicle here. I’ve read quite a few of these books as you can imagine, and even if you’re a big fan of the featured band, most of the time authors wander WAY deep into the minutia weeds and adoration quick sand. There are spots of that here and there in “Hammer of the Gods”, but not enough of a distraction that it really bothers you. It’s a good read whether you’re a Zep fan or not. I’m not quite done with it yet, but I’m sold on it already.

Me, I consider myself a fan, but a very selective Zep fan. My main man Jackson has no love for Robert Plant, and has been know to take a swing at Jimmy Page now and again. I get that. Plant is so self indulgent on so many Zep songs that it’s quite frankly unbearable at times forcing the needle to be lifted and the J.R. Tolken lyrical allusions are just the beginning of it. But I’m comfortable being in the camp that recognizes their much deserved greatness by employing strict Zeppelin track selectivity. The entirety of the debut album is enough to give them a seat at the right hand, but the records that follow are where programming your iPod/CD player become a handy tool with the exception of two other LP’s: Zep’s 4th (the one with Stairway) and their by far and away best, “Presence”.

I might have written about this record before, but reading about the circumstances of it’s creation I was compelled to put the earbuds in last night while knocking out a few waning chapters. Apparently, the four fellows were in the throws of lives as ‘Tax Exiles’ like so many of their English rock and roll brethren before and after (It’s uncanny that so many English bands best work was created while they were tax exiles). Zep albums prior to “Presence” were becoming bigger and bigger productions so much so that extra time was needed to rehearse the subsequent tours in order to create playable arraignments of some of the tracks. John Paul Jones was becoming quite the multi-instrumentalist outside of the studio and on the stage due to the extravagance that multi-track tape machines were affording Jimmy’s production. The studio they settled on to record “Presence” was in Munich Germany (the city of my birth). The owners were barely able to accommodate them since the Rolling Stones were scheduled to take the place over in two short weeks. Given their status and short lead time, they were not able to import the entirety of their bloated collection of gear and thus the album is devoid of synths, sitars, mandolins, etc… and THIS, as Davis notes in his book, is what makes it such a great record. Singer, guitar, bass, and drums. Nothing more, nothing less.

The band completed everything including vocal overdubs in the two weeks they had, the only thing left to be done were lead guitar overdubs which, in normal circumstances, Jimmy would take several weeks to suss out on his own. Jimmy ended up calling Mick Jagger and asking if he could have two more days. Mick, the English gentlemen he is, was only happy to oblige (besides, Keith would inevitably turn up a week late anyway). Miraculously, Page ripped all his lead work to tape in that 48 hour period. I’m strongly of the opinion it’s his best work EVER. Jimmy was a very successful studio musician for many years before even joining The Yardbirds and I get the feeling reading about the Presence recording sessions that the one take world he must have been in for those 48 hours was both struggle and liberation from the usual practice of doing hundreds of takes and dissecting them later in the mixing process. His ‘let it fly’ work on “Nobody’s Fault But Mine” and “Achilles Last Stand” is top shelf. My favorite is “Tea For One”. Not only is Jimmy brilliant, but it’s just one instance of an impressive Plant vocal and great lyric a rare enough thing (see Plant comments above), but the band is tight as a drum.

“Hammer of the Gods” is chock full of the now well worn tales of concert tour debauchery, but I think Led Zeppelin should hold a soft spot in all who fell head first into the late seventies/early eighties heavy metal scene whether we like Zep’s music or not. The Zeps were constantly dismissed by high and mighty critics and rock journalists of the day to the point of ridicule, especially by Rolling Stone Magazine. Of course, these are the same assholes who gave all the early Black Sabbath records one and two stars. These detestable snots just couldn’t get their arms around pure energy driven guitar rock. They wanted Dylan and ELP (yipes!). Looking back, it’s hard to believe that these alleged journalists couldn’t comprehend why America’s teenage boys were flocking to Zeppelin’s record breaking sold out shows and buying their LP’s by the metric ton, but I knew, WE knew, Black Sabbath knew (it’s a point of fact that “Presence” was the first LP ever to ship platinum). It’s fair to say that Black Sabbath owes their existence to Led Zeppelin. Led Zeppelin WERE the heavy metal pioneers that they’ve been lauded to be and for that I thank them, and especially for the album “Presence”.

Funny. As. Hell.

2009-03-20T10:34:00.005-04:00

Dr. Zibbs over at That Blue Yak posted this this morning and I can't stop laughing about it.

Click the link to Amazon.com and read the customers reviews. If you don't have tears rolling down your face within minutes, you are a simply souless individual and probably pooped in your pants in the 2nd grade and everybody laughed at you and called you Pooper all the way through high school.

'Till the day I die...

2009-03-12T16:45:00.005-04:00

My wife called me at work last Thursday with the news that the radio station she was listening to were leaking the summer line up for Atlanta’s Chastain Park Amphitheater summer concert series. Chastain is what I refer to as our fare city’s cool little ‘sit down’ concert venue. For some shows, they even set up tables down front and allow all ticket holders to bring wine & cheese type goodies into the show. The music’s volume is usually cranked a little low due to the neighborhood setting the venue sits in, which can be a bit annoying since the uppercrusters buy tickets for the whole series, attend the concerts they care little about for the social aspect, and fucking blather on endlessly all the way through a show you’ve been counting down days to see. Despite this, the wife and I REALLY look forward to taking in a few concerts each year with our more musically inclined friends Bob and Betty the Builder. We’ve seen quite a few great shows at Chastain over the years, Elvis Costello, James Gang, Mark Knopfler, Allison Krauss with Union Station and Robert Plant respectively, to recall a few.

But Mrs. Alva seemed to have a bit of excitement in her voice as she exclaimed, “I think they said Bad Company will be playing this year, honey”. She got me attention with that for certain. We were primed and ready on Sunday morning when tickets went on sale and jumped on’em at 10:00 AM sharp as Live Nation’s internet ordering site lit up. We had to do some digging, but we’re 99.99% confident that the line up will be Mick Ralphs, Simon Kirke, and Paul Rodgers with the American Bass player who tours with Paul’s solo act (whose name escapes me at the moment) filling in for the deceased Boz Burell.

The critical path item here being Paul Rodgers of course. I have never quite figured out why many of my past and current music friends slag Bad Company so much. I vividly remember their epic and flawless self titled debut album flooding out over the airwaves on early FM radio stations in the mid 70’s and being floored by the cool sounds emanated from the little transistor radio speaker. Killer hooks, perfect soulful vocals, gorgeous, choruses, and that can be said for EVERY SONG ON THAT RECORD! Oddly enough, Bad Company was one of those LP’s that all my friends had, so I never actually owned a copy of my own until much later in life. During my crazy metal years, I didn’t listen to it much at all, but 10 years later I picked up a CD copy and listened to it again. It was like discovering the Holy Grail or something. I could now appreciate the phenomenal drumming of Simon Kirke, and McRalph’s tone rich and tasteful guitar playing, but what stands out even more is Paul’s singing. He is simply the Jimi Hendrix, Eddie Van Halen, Randy Rhodes, etc of singers. Can’t buy into that? Tell me this then: Name one 60 year old singer or older who can sing pitch perfect, heartfelt, note for note, IN THE SAME KEY IT WAS ORIGINALLY RECORDED IN, every song from his/her first recording? As cliché as it sounds, the guy has actually improved with age. Speaking of age, it would appear that Paul Rodgers seems to be immune to the ravages of the inevitable. He doesn’t look a day over forty.

It’s hard to believe that there are deep cuts on the debut record since most of the tracks are FM radio heavy rotation staples: Can’t Get Enough, Movin’ On, Ready For Love, Rock Steady (one of the best vocal recording EVER), and the title track, but the gold is in the two ‘deep cuts’, ‘The Way That I Choose’, and the slow blues number ‘Don’t Let Me Down’. You can practically hear Simon Kirke coming off of his drum stool as he crashes around his kit in Don’t Let Me Down’s finale. Amazingly enough, the debut Bad Co record was recorded in 10 days using some spare downtime Zeppelin’s mobile recording unit found. Ten days to create a masterpiece. Isn’t it funny how things work out that way? Sure, The Firm may not pass muster to some, but denying greatness to Bad Company’s first album, Straight Shooter, and Runnin’ with the Pack borders on criminal behavior.

There is water at the bottom of the ocean...

2009-03-04T16:00:00.012-05:00

The liner notes read like a warning on a pack of cigarettes: “This material was recorded on analog equipment, ignoring modern noise reduction techniques. We pay our humble respects to the mighty gods of analog tape who have shown us both their destructive power and their compassionate mercy”

In the space usually dedicated to gear endorsements by the band members this caution, “Reverb and tremolo are welcome; all other effects are strictly forbidden”. This is followed by similar accolades to nebulous ‘old strings and old guitars’. The section ends with, “Norm eats Maruchan Ramen Noodles exclusively”, no doubt offering first person testament to the fact that life as a working musician is fraught with poverty, hardship, and lots of hard work. If you stop and think about it, it’s a wonder that anybody in their right mind would even consider playing music as a career at all. I have many musician friends and included in that list are a few who have passionately chosen it as their life long profession. The word ‘sacrifice’ could surely be inserted in that previous sentence without risk of hyperbole or apology.

So it was on a rainy Friday night last week that my brother Mathdude and I set out in search of a long lost friend and a little salvation in the form of one Lonesome Jim Ransone and his band The Breeze Kings. My faded memories of Jim are of a brilliant, if not painfully quiet, young guy who balanced his time back in high school between his academics, playing music, and being dragged by my brother into many ill-fated capers and misadventures. From what Jim told us, he begrudgingly attended Georgia Tech and earned an engineering degree at his father’s insistence and once he wrapped that up, he turned to his dad and said, “Okay, can I go play music now?” Of course I’m fictionalizing a bit here, but you get the gist. Amazingly, it turns out that Jim was the founder of a smoking hot band called The Urban Shake Dancers whose music I was baptized in upon arrival to Atlanta in 1991 by my ragtag gang of music friends who had graciously welcomed me into their circle. My new friends had gone to high school with the other members of the Shake Dancers and I’m certain that Jim and I were in the same room on a couple of occasions unbeknownst to either one of us.

Oh yeah, music, sacrifice, passion… The Breeze Kings. I’m pretty certain Jim had to seek out his ‘other’ education some place other than on the campus of the MIT of the South, but judging from the performance my brother and I witnessed, and after giving The Breeze Kings two brilliant CD’s multiple spins, it would seem that Jim has been doing post doc work on the life and times of Willie Dixon, Bobby Blue Bland, and Albert Collins. Mathdude and I were treated to three of the most scorching sets of traditional Chicago blues I’d heard since seeing Mr. Collins himself perform “Too Many Dirty Dishes” at ‘The Chance’ in Poughkeepsie NY back in the late 80’s.

The Breeze Kings have all the bases covered and it always starts with a swinging drummer especially when it comes to their style of music. And that’s what Mark Yarbrough is: One swingin’ son of bitch. Coupled with Dave Roth’s masterful bass rumbling and Bill Wyman-esk demeanor, Jim was free to channel with reckless abandon the ghosts of Chess Studios through his Gibson ES 135 and tweed covered tube amp. There are many great trad blues bands out there, but for me what makes one rise up out of the fog over another is how well the singer can keep up. Authenticity is made or broken in this key role. Carlos Capote’s melodic voice and mastery of the harmonica certainly didn’t disappoint me, Mathdude, or the other hundred or so in the room. I think the only critical comment I could make about the evening (other than the pouring rain) was that while the Fern Bank Martini Night drew an enthusiastic and generous sized crowd, there are places in Atlanta I’d rather see my friend and his band throw down at ( Blind Willie’s off the top of my head). The 60ft ceilings, marble floors, T-Rex and Aptosaurus skeleton backdrop were a little distracting. It would be even more amazing if at some point I could catch them accompanied by 'The Gimme Dolla Orchestra' who graces the band’s “You Got to Bring Some …To Get Some” album.

We’ve since heard back from Jim and you can bet I’ll be dragging my wife and friends out to see The Breeze Kings again very soon. If you like this kind of music, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of either of their records available at Amazon.com. ‘Sorry That You Put Me Down’ is worth the price alone. You will NOT be disappointed.

An emergancy call to action...

2009-02-24T15:51:00.006-05:00

I have historically avoided doing the fund raising thing on this blog, Facebook, MySpace, etc… but I have just been made aware of a situation that compels me to ask anyone who will listen to consider lending a hand even in these economically trying times. A national treasure needs our help. On January 15th of this year, American singer/songwriter Peter Case was sent to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery. I’ve written and posted about how special Peter’s music is to me here on this blog a couple times in the past (here, here, and here). The good news, according to the website, is that the prognosis is for a full recovery. Unfortunately, as is the case for many uncompromising artists of our day, Peter has no health insurance and is facing an epic personal financial crisis as the hospital bills are already beginning to pile up.

As the website states, we need Peter to “get back and focus on what he does best – writing and performing his songs” as quickly as we can. I’m hoping that at least one person will have been touched enough by his music to perhaps go out to the Hidden Love Medical Relief site and make a small donation to help Peter and his family out, or as an alternative hit Amazon, iTunes, or his website and pick up a couple of his albums. You will NOT be disappointed.

Everybody has that one special artist whose songs have guided them through the best and worst of times, whose music never fails to inspire introspection, whose storytelling sounds fresh no matter how many times you've spun the record. Peter Case writes this kind of music. We need Peter Case around, especially right now. Please help if you can.

This has to be a hoax...

2009-02-12T14:11:00.002-05:00

Reminds me of this equally strange night...

Note to self... Hallucinogenics AFTER national television appearances. After, not before.

Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and Porsche?

2009-02-09T19:03:00.029-05:00

A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

How many times have I heard that joke?

Since everything’s been so gloom and doom around the blogonets as of late (with the exception of Jackson’s kickass hard rock record retrospective), I thought I’d partake in a little self indulgence (that, plus the fact that nobody reads this blog anyway).

Last Friday while the wife did her GNO thing (that’s Girls Night Out for the Miley Cirus impaired), I finally got around to scanning some tasty photos from my vast archives. Some will end up on the ol' Facebook page, but these I felt worthy of a post.

Let me start by saying that I am a car nut of sorts. No, I don’t fix or tinker with them mechanically, I just like ones that look cool and go fast. With the exception of a 1972 Ford Pinto (worthy of a post of it’s own), a 1965 VW Beatle, and 1977 Ford Econoline Van, I’ve driven sports cars all my life. Before the cries of rich spoiled brat are hurled, understand that I bought and paid for every one of my cars with my own hard earned cash. Most were not expensive only requiring steely eyed negotiation and an ability to strike while the iron is hot. I'm a fiend for the art of a deal. Probably why I do contract and sourcing work for a living.

My first choice ride was a 1976 Datsun 280Z. I had to commute to school after parting ways over 'artistic differences' with the University of Maryland. My dad collected every pay check I earned that summer with the specific purpose of me buying a car to go to school in. At the end of the summer the search began in earnest and I selected this one. Dad would have none of it. "Why not a Chevy Chevette?" We almost came to blows over it, but in the end it was hard for him to argue with my “It’s my money!” posit. Okay, I just wore him out.

The Z was a great car. I shoved everything from mixing boards to fellow students into the hatch and many of my fellow dorm dwellers benefited from my loan out policy (give me a twelver and have it back by midnight). I did 110 MPH on the N.J. Turnpike with five people and as many cases of beer in it on our way to an Army/Navy football game. The thing drove like butter.

Upon graduation, my father offered to co-sign new cars loan for each of his five budding graduates in order to ensure we could all get to our new fabulous jobs we were going to find soon and NOT have to move back in with him and mom. While search for said fab job, I worked in a graveyard and in a rare moment of maturity elected to NOT spend money I didn’t have. I asked instead to have him co-sign a loan for this baby, a 1977 Porsche 924S.

This time I got the “Nobody who works in a cemetery can afford to drive a car like that” (didn't matter that it priced at a fraction of the new Chevy Barretta he wanted me to buy). I ended up getting the loan on my own. I. Was. A. Happy. Young. Man. That was until the following Christmas Eve when Jackson and I were driving home late on the Palisades Parkway, hit a sheet of ice, and crashed it head on into a tree.

After a period of morning and waiting for insurance to pay off, a check finally came and I bought this one, another 1977 Porsche 924S.

I drove this until my girlfriend and I were at the local Toyota dealer one day buying her a new Tercel and this little 1985 MR-2 came in on trade in.

The guy working the Tercel deal quoted some ridiculously low price when I inquired, so I dove on it. The next week had the dealership calling me to bring it back since the salesmen had “not been authorized” to sell it at that price and he was no longer working there anymore. I ended up giving them $200 more and got a three year bumper to bumper warranty that would pay off in spades over the time in which I owned it. I drove this car to my new life in Georgia in 1991 and made many round trips back to New York in it.

Once I had planted roots and found myself in better comfort job wise, I traded in the MR-2 and picked this baby up, a 1984 Porsche 944.

This was a great car. My girlfriend/now wife, loved this car too having just bought a Nissan 240SX and learning to drive stick shift.

During the dot com boom and stock option glory days at Nextel, I sold the 944 and struck gold with what would be the best deal I’ve ever made on a sports car. I searched far and wide for seven months and found this 1988 911 Carrera two hours south of Atlanta in Macon GA.

While I had to replace little minor cosmetic things, this car was tippy top. It NEVER broke down, and if not for the fact that the targa top began to leak in the seventh year of ownership (common with the Porsche targa tops), I’d probably still have it.

When doctors told us that we weren’t going to be able to have kids, I did what most guys would do to console the broken heart of their Mrs., I went out and bought her a Mercedes C280. GREAT little car, but did little to assuage the grief.

Then, the miracle beyond our wildest dreams happened and Mrs. Alva got pregnant. We were going to need a baby friendly car. No, not a minivan, prohibitive language in our pre-nup forbids ever owning a minivan. I decided to sell the Merc and the 911 and focus a search on a proper baby carrying machine. As luck would have it, I got uber bucks for the 911 more than covering the cost of Mama’s Jeep and plenty left over to make this affordable, a 1998 Porsche Boxster.

It was nice owning a ‘newer’ car, one with airbags, and all kinds of cool digital features and such. Oh, and did you notice it was a convertible? Fairly trouble free, but expensive to tune up once a year.

And that brings us to my current sad state oh my brothers. You know what happened not long ago. The high price of high test gas and my long commute had my beloved Boxster sitting idle in the garage for months on end and that simply was not fair to the car. I did find it a good home (my VP at work) and fetched a good price for it to. I’m now tooling around in my little 1994 Honda Civic DX wagon like any regular sucker.

But rest assured I’ll be back behind the wheel of something sexy in due time. With the downturn in the economy there are PLENTY of good deals to be had out there. What will it be? Will it be another Porsche, or something different say, a nice late 90’s Acura NSX? Beamer? Merc?

Any suggestions?

Lairs, Thieves, and Politicians...

2009-01-28T12:10:00.008-05:00

Unlike some others out there, I’m not going to pretend that I have all the answers to the upcoming critical vote on President Obama’s economic recovery plan. I read what some might consider an excessive quantity of political blogs and there is of course as many differing opinions as there are stars in the sky. I would say that most polibloggers I read, while admirably intelligent, have equal or less of a grasp on the impact that all the various packages being proposed might have on this nations economy. For me, all I can mentally digest is what I can observe so far. Here’s what I’ve collected in my notebook of late:

Some asshat who works for a bank that took taxpayer bailout money actually spent $1 million renovating his office, AND pushed through bonus payouts to his executive staff under the guise of, “If you don’t pay these people, they’ll leave for greener pastures…”. What a crock of shit. I DARE them to leave a job right now.

I’ve heard that Fed capital infusion of public works projects don’t work. They didn't work for the Japanese or the U.S. ‘New Deal’. Do you bail out banks, buy bad debt, bail out auto makers and greedy union fucks? Is the minority WHIP wishing failure on the president’s plan much like the Dem’s did with the troop surge plan? At some point, a call must be made. This reality is making for some sleepless nights under crisp new sheets in the private residence at the White House I’m sure.

The two best ideas I’ve heard thus far, either of which will more than likely never see the floor of either house, are $9000 individual tax stimulus and/or a prolonged tax holiday proposition. Yes, I like these ideas because they put money directly in MY FAMILY’S pocket. I kind of wonder why this would be a bad idea in anyone’s eyes. As for the $9000 check, sure some would immediately blow the cash on stupid shit, but not everyone, not this guy. To those who are unemployed, it would mean keeping their house/apartment for a few more months, payoff past due electric bills, etc… For those still employed like me it would mean paring down some debt to put ourselves in better position if for some reason I find myself out of work. A few months ago, I said I was totally cool with the bank bailouts despite the spoils going to those who created this disaster, but after hearing about failing companies giving out bonus payments I’m of the mind that from this point on that the tie goes to the citizen. Can’t decide who should get money? Give it back to the citizens. Let US decide who were going to give it too, how it’s saved or spent. To me, you receive a bonus when your company meets or exceeds predetermined financial objectives. When you don’t achieve these, you don’t get a bonus. It’s as simple as that. There have been times in my career when we got no bonus at all, and times when we got double the plan. That’s how it works.

For what ever plan gets passed this week or next, I hope that our law makers are smart enough to write in language that reserves the Fed’s right to review compensation packages of ALL employees and ensure that reasonable goal based bonus compensation is managed honestly. If you can’t sign up for that, don’t ask for the money.

As for the President, welcome to your dream job. I say rollout your plan and stand by it, GOP support or not. If you're so sure that your detractors have nothing worthy to add (as I said, I've not a clue that they do or not) than what's done is done, High risk, high reward my friend. I, for one, am hoping that whatever it incompasses it works.

Slow News Day...

2009-01-20T13:23:00.011-05:00

- A historical day by any measure. I will remember this day like those who were alive for D-Day. It’s been a long journey and this is a proud moment for all Americans, the black community, all who lost their lives to the sin of slavery, segregation, and bigotry, and those who GAVE their lives for the struggle of equality. A great day indeed.

- I’m not so sure whether this is a secret or not, but my wife and I love the trashy VH1 shows particularly this season’s ‘Rock of Love Bus’ and ‘Tool Academy’. My wife with her glass of wine, me with my scotch laughing our asses off at those so hard up to have a moment of fame they’d participate in a show where you risk this phrase being uttered to you as you're eliminated: “… I’m sorry, but you’re just a tool. Hang up your coat and leave”, OR watch some clownish stripper fall flat on her face and break a breast implant during some ridiculously contrived hockey event all in pursuit of affection from Brett Michaels THE WORST rock singer of all time. Pure gold. Those who deny these shows either haven’t seen them, or lack the key sense of humor gene. This is how we're going to get through this recession folks. Last night, one of the chicks got busted talking to her boyfriend on her cell phone (they're not allowed to have cell phones, or a boyfriend presumably) goofing on Brett's hair extensions. To Brett's credit (and little of that I give the guy), he quipt at the triple D endowed contestant that they were, "...the best extensions money could buy" and she could now "get the (bleep) out of here."

Great. Television. Period.

- On the flip side of the previously mentioned wankery, I happened to have caught the beginning episode of ‘Sober House’ which is the follow up to another rehab reality show featuring Dr. Drew, lauded addiction expert to the stars. I only watched a few episodes of the first show by chance and avoided it after. It’s just too sad for me to watch. I’ve known far too many people who have hit rock bottom and been EXACTLY like these sad individuals including family members. We lost an uncle to suicide as a result of a life of hardcore addiction and another who is determined to follow suite. The people on the show are made no more compelling because of their former celebrity. To me, they’re just addicts completely subservant to their vices. Some will never conquer their addiction. These individuals will likely die, and it will probably be sooner than later. Watching Steven Adler for even one minute you know the guy is one of those who's not going to make it. It’s gut wrenching to watch. I screamed at him in my head, “Dude, you play music. GO PLAY MUSIC!” at the same time knowing that he’s not in control any more. While only half paying attention to the rest of the show as I read in bed, I heard one of the former addicts who runs the program say to the doctor, “for many of these people, they will burn their last bridge here and have no one left that will be willing to help them”. And that sums it up exactly. Caring enough to get involved is sometimes not enough to help people like this and there is simply nothing that can be done. This is the pain that loved ones of addicts must bare. With addiction, there comes a time when the cord must be cut and the addicted must sail on their own. All you're left with is a prayer that they find a moment of clarity that compels them to seek help again, but until that happens keeping them at a safe distance is not only wise, but absolutely necessary. I don’t plan to watch this new series either. For no other reason than the freak show exploitive aspect hidden somewhere in the BS ultraistic façade it’s producers tout.

- Well, if the democrats taking back the White House isn’t a sure sign of the pending apocalypse, the fact that the Arizona Cardinals (heretofore refered to as “My brother’s crappy Cardinals”) are heading to the Super Bowl should dispel any doubt. My brother in law and his son are lifer Steelers fans, so it’ll be a good trash talking couple of weeks. Me, I’m going to root for my bro’s Cardinals. The Steelers have rings that are still shiny and new from their last trip and I love the underdog. Even my doofus brother deserves a Super Bowl win every hundred years, right?

How to raise children Part IIIVXCM...

2009-01-13T11:50:00.006-05:00

Overheard this morning…

Wife: "Katie, please feed the dog."

Katie: "Why do I always have to do this stuff?"

Wife: "If you want to keep the dog, you have to do your part to take care of it"

Katie: “but daddy doesn’t do anything to take care of the dog…”

Wife: “Daddy goes to work to earn the money to pay for the food that you, me, and the dog eats”

Katie: “Well, you’ve got a point there…”

She gets smarter and smarter every day.

All things were better back then Part VCMIII...

2009-01-07T11:15:00.003-05:00

Man, this comic made me laugh...

Back to the grind...

2009-01-05T15:51:00.014-05:00

Well, it was a holiday season of firsts for ol' Tony Alva. It was the first time I've taken two weeks off in a row the entirety of my work life (time off not related to periods of unemployment of course ‘cause let’s be real, you can’t really enjoy drinking beer, playing guitar, and generally doing nothing when you’ve got no revenue coming in the door right?). Without announcing it to anyone including my family or my three blog readers, I also decided to challenge myself to do what my friend Fred hasn’t been able to do in forever and that is go off the tech grid for the duration of my vacation. Like he’d tell you, it isn’t easy when you’re used to being wired in and are addicted to news and information of all varieties and sources. Of course, I’m not nearly as important to my employer as Fred is to his, but I did take my laptop home and was EXTREMELY tempted many times to get on and take care of the work piling up in my queue (okay, I mean to check my feed reader, troll blogs, Facebook, AND stay caught up with work), but I was successfully in my efforts for the most part.

Much of my time off was spent with family. There were a few days in which showers were not taken and the three of us did nothing but hang out in bed read and watch TV. One particularly good day was spent going through MANY shoeboxes of photos myself and the Mrs. have been collecting over the years. There is a plan to actually catalog and organize them or so I’ve been told. For me it was just a great excuse to take a look at them again and show the more interesting ones to my 6 year old daughter. I also found a gold mine of blogging and Facebook worthy photos that I’ll be scanning and posting in the coming weeks. It was a pretty chill couple of weeks with only the rarest bits of boredom. It was cool just to hang out with my girls and have no schedule at all. For those who have resisted going off the grid, all I can tell you is that it is worth the effort.

I got nothing really all that exciting for Christmas, although my father surprised me by actually going out and SHOPPING for my gift this year. Not only did he put forth the effort to shop, it was a thoughtful gift ta boot (a GPS navigation system). Unbeknownst to him, my iPhone pretty much covers that function for me, and since my wife carries an iPhone too thus negating the option of keeping the nav system in her car, I ultimately caved and returned it for store credit (another first for me, since I have NEVER returned any gift given to me previously). I am grateful for the effort nonetheless.

A buddy of mine got last minute tickets to the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl and five of us guys made our way downtown for tailgating and what we hoped would be a barnburner of a game on New Years Eve. Boy were we sadly mistaken. LSU rolled on Georgia Tech so badly that we bolted at half time to meet our ladies to ring in the New Year with them. As a matter of fact, it was a shitty two weeks of football on the Alva front. GT got crushed, Penn State got crushed, Alabama got crushed, and the Falcons got crushed by the crappy Cardinals costing me $30 to my not as good looking and much older brother Mathdude. They don’t hold much chance, but it would be cool to see his Cardinals ruin everybody else’s Super Bowl dreams as well. We’ll see. As for the last couple of college bowl games, who cares? That’s the funny thing about the college game for me: If it’s not one of the teams that I follow I could hardly care who’s playing for a Nat’l championship.

As if having to get up early, shower, shave, and drive into work after being off for two weeks isn’t bad enough I discovered after walking into the lobby of our building this morning that the restaurant that I eat lunch at everyday closed New Years Day. No, the food wasn’t good. That’s not why I ate there everyday. You see, I’ve been working on an Atkin’s diet and have been successful in dropping a decent amount of weight from my aging frame since undertaking the effort last February. I suspended the diet during the holidays knowing how hopeless it is to stay “sober” during Thanksgiving through New Years period, but fully planned on getting back on the wagon starting today. One of the things I’ve learned about dieting as a means of weight loss is that building GOOD habits are as paramount to success as breaking bad ones are. “Habit” being the operative word. One of the good habits I had developed was foregoing leaving the building for any of the local eateries during lunch and instead sticking to a short list of “in plan” items off the menu at the lobby restaurant. It really worked well since lunch was my biggest opportunity to give into temptation. Now I’ve got to find another place, and pretty much anything else is going to be a great deal less convenient than my lobby place. Still, I’ve got to come up with a plan and quick. I know I’ve given back at least five pounds over the holidays and want to get the gut contraction thing going again post haste.

It’s now 2009. I’m not sure if I’d claim to be optimistic at this early stage of the game (I suffer from serious seasonal blues. Certainly not the only one, but it’s one of the bigger factors in my leaving the Northeast for a warmer climate 18 years ago), but I do have an odd sense that better times are lying there beneath the rocks and snow just waiting for the spring melt to start. I didn’t make any silly resolutions, but I am committed to posting more often and staying on top of my tech comms (blog, e-mail, FB, etc…) better than I did in 2008.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody! Let’s get through this week and celebrate hard on Friday.

Happy Festivus Everybody!!!

2008-12-23T10:34:00.014-05:00

As my buddy Yoda Jacket and John Cole have both pointed out, today begins the wonderful season that is Festivus. Since this blog is pretty much dedicated to airing of grievances 364 days of the year, I’ll abstain from taking active part in the first day of Festivus festivities and prepare to partake enthusiastically in the Feats of Strength and the Wrestling the Head of the Household (dad, you’re mine this year!).

I was actually pretty busy yesterday and was unable to draft the most excellent post I had worked up in my mind, but it looks like Poobomber beat me to it anyway. The new GNR record, OOPS!... I mean Axl’s solo record is pretty fucking awesome really. No, it’s not Appetite for Destruction and how could it be? That was a Guns and Roses record. Other than the ‘Lies’ follow up to Appetite, there really weren’t any other GNR records made. While the Illusion albums do have a few interesting highlights, they weren’t made with the original line up and dissolved into a double dose of Axl driven indulgence and disappointment. I don’t fault Axl’s ambition to write and record an epic, but not after your first album dude. Nope, ‘Chinese Democracy’ is not a GNR record, but that doesn’t at all make it a bad record by not being so. I read with interest everybody's reviews and waited for all the hoopla to die down before picking it up and do what I usually do when these trumpeted releases drop: stick it in the car player and listen to it for a week without analyzing it in the granular sense. After doing this, what I hear is a pretty damn good collection of songs performed passionately by Axl and the extensive cast of assembled players. Yes, I know he’s a freak, and he’s impossible to work with, and 13 years is an excessive amount of time to record a record, etc, etc… None of that factors into whether or not ‘Chinese Democracy’ is a good record or not.

My only complaint about this album is that it’s an obvious ProTools product. After MANY years debating internally and with all my music friends the issue of whether or not DAW (digital audio workstation) based recording has had an overall positive or negative impact on the recording arts, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s been a bad thing mostly. Nobody tracks songs live anymore and I miss it. The art has suffered badly. This album could have been as big as Axl wanted it to be if he’d actually taken his meds, held a band together (didn’t have to be GNR), and recorded this material the traditional way. Despite this, the material is pretty damn solid and I’ve not taken it out of the player for 10 days or so.

It may take me awhile to read through all the liner notes and determine who played what on what though…

So, this is my last day of ‘work’ (and by that I mean hanging around blogging and Facebooking until my boss leaves) until like January 5th or something like that. Since it’s such an unusually long holiday break (most everybody here is off until the 5th too), one of my buddies here at work has agreed to, along with me,forgo shaving the entire two weeks and grow Stanley Cup beards. We’ll come back on that Monday looking like Muslim brothers. Good times.

Anywhoodle, It has certainly been a trying year for all of us and 2009 looks to be an even tougher one. I hope everyone makes a concerted effort to avoid watching the news and distract themselves enough to drink up the holiday spirit like I am. It’s been harder to do that this season, but I’m committed. Whether you actually believe in baby Jeebus or not, here’s wishing everybody a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Mathdude's Favorite Video...

2008-12-19T10:21:00.001-05:00

Oh, the outrage! and other stuff...

2008-12-17T17:02:00.029-05:00

- DHC pinged me with this story thinking it would be a good blog post (she's right of course), and I was immediately reminded that uber music blogger Beth and two other "friends" couldn't make it to my birthday gathering at the Mike Doughty show back in March because they had tickets to see the gawdy asshat that is Barry Manilow. In Dana's words...

"Apparently, a group of kids with cancer were scheduled to appear on the "Today" show on the same day as Barry Manilow was to appear. When the kids got to the studio, they were ushered to the "green room". Allegedly BM threw a hissy fit and told the Today show people to keep THOSE kids OUT. The kids were quickly ushered to a closed down food court with filthy bathrooms and no food where they waited for a long time to appear on the show. A mother of a cancer victim called the Today Show and Barry's rep to complain, and even joined the "Barry Manilow fan club" on line so she could post a comment about this to his "fanilows". She referenced her deceased daughter's website in the process. WELL...she got HATE COMMENTS from MANY "fanilows", both on the BM fan club site AND on the caring bridgesite.

It would be really sad, but here's the one that got EVERYONE going: a woman named Kaaren Radecki from Pittsburgh wrote a comment on caring bridge about how Barry "would never do something like this" and how he is such a "caring person" (and she knows this because...?). It gets better: she followed up with a threat (I paraphrase): "Because of your actions, I will never again watch Marlo Thomas's St. Jude Children's Hospital "phonymercials" and never ever give another dime to St. Jude's". SERIOUSLY??? All over Barry Manilow's HONOR??? OK, I don't know what's worse...that someone is wacky enough to actually post something like this on someone's cancer website, OR that there are still (and ever WERE) rabid Barry Manilow fans who worship him enough to actually POST hate mail on a cancer website when they think that their dear Barry was slighted???? If ANYONE seriously needs to get a life, it's THESE pathetic souls...!!!"

The internets seem to support the story. Puts him in contention for Douche of the Year for sure.

- This post pretty much satirizes my feelings on civil disobedience and activism. It's good to laugh at yourself once in a while, right?

- This past weekend, I was digging through some old stuff and found a list of students I studied art with in England during the summer of 1985. I immediately sat down and Googled my three roommates (one fellow American, one Brit, and one Russian) who were all top shelf individuals and enormous talents. My British roommate Peter Woodward was by far the most talented guy I ever had the chance to know personally and it was great to actually track him down. It is obvious that his considerable talent has carried him far. I hope to pick up one of his works in the new year. You should too.

- Lastly, because it's badass...

And the hits just keep on coming....

2008-12-12T14:45:00.009-05:00

When I got back from lunch today I was made aware of two firings: One deserved the other not. Unfortunately, I discovered a message in my in box notifying us that 30 MORE co-workers were going to be let go next month. What. a. fucking. nightmare. So far I've yet to find out who these folks are specifically, but it's hard to hear this kind of news since we're just sort of coming to terms with the last round of layoffs and some of those folks are actually still here through next week. I WILL be drinking heavily this weekend.

Directly under that ominous message in my inbox was another from my father with a link to a story at Go Army Sports dot com reporting that Stan Brock, Army's football coach of the past two seasons, the one I've been directing a shit ton of ire at these last few months, has been fired. I feel for him and his family personally, but needless to say, the guy had to go. It'll be up to AD Kevin Anderson to conduct a REAL search for his replacement. Someone who knows academy football and the option offense. This article leaves out Charlie Taffe's name, but it's a great list nonetheless.

I wish I had it in me to be witty and snarky right now, but I just don't. The little bit of cheerfulness I've got left I must save for my gals when I get home. Have a good weekend and hopefully next week will be a better one, right?

It's that time of year again...

2008-12-05T14:21:00.005-05:00

Click play on the Old Grad Voki Avatar for a special message!!!

GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

HAAAACHOOOO!!!

2008-12-04T17:12:00.003-05:00

Since everyone is tired of hearing me gripe about this fucking cold that won’t go away, I’ll gripe about something else for awhile. Actually, I’ll refrain for just a minute to thank the good Doctor’s Huck Tater and Mini Mozart for inviting me up to Decatur this past Sunday to catch up with them. MM and his lovely lass have built themselves quite a life in the happening section of Atlanta. Both are bringing the enlightenment of education to lucky few who have them as teachers, elementary, undergrad, or post grad. Huck is equally happy doing good work out West applying his vast knowledge and mastery of the environmental and biological arts. Two guys who actually apply their confirmed and bountiful degrees in their chosen careers. What a concept. Quite enviable too.

Back to the griping… What the fuck is the City of Atlanta even “Brainstorming” about, let alone considering, building a new dome for the Falcons? Atlanta is about to appeal to the Fed for relief from it’s colossal budget shortfall and we’re talking about building a new dome?! The only saving grace is that there is a better chance that K-Fed will reconcile with Brittany than this idiotic idea ever seeing the light of day. I love Arthur Blank and the Falcons, but if they want a new dome, they can pay for it themselves. Not a PENNY of taxpayer dollars goes towards this thing. Hell, they played their first season in the thing back in 1992!

Anyway… I’ve got to go blow my nose.

These are the days...

2008-11-26T11:25:00.014-05:00

What a whirlwind the past ten days have been. My sister’s wedding was an ENORMOUS success. Like most family weddings (our family at least), they are simply too short. I always feel like I never get to spend nearly as much time with all our friends and family as I ‘d like to. I vote we resurrect the three day wedding tradition. That ought to be ample duration to work a room. Other than seeing my sister come down the isle, the highlights for me were my fathers toast to the institution of marriage and my newly minted Brother-In-Law’s toast to both his fathers, new and old. Merv’s words only anchored more deeply in our collective minds the fact that he’s an EXCEPTIONAL man and my sister is lucky to have found him. Lisa looked radiant. I have never known her to be as happy as she is now. It’s been a tough year for her and providence has finally smiled on her and allowed her to smile back. In times like these it’s easy to lose sight of what is most important. The wedding was a perfect state of mind “correction”. It would be impossible for me to go on without mentioning how gorgeous my two girls looked. Katie was a flower girl along with Merv’s niece Maya and both did their duties without flaw. Mrs. Alva looked her typical hubba hubba and seeing her work the room was icing on the cake.

Was able to get in a round of cousin/brother-in-law golf Sunday and there can be no doubt there is no better way to spend a day than losing golf balls, drinking beer, and smoking cigars with this esteemed group of gents. Let’s do it again very soon.

The party has only begun. My mother in law arrives for Thanksgiving tomorrow and we’ll head over to my folks house to over eat/drink and play dominos late into the evening. We’ve got Georgia Tech vs. UGA on Saturday (WHAT’S THE GOOD WORD?!!*) and it’s looking like I just might get to see Doctors Huck Tater and his brother Mini Mozart too. I’m also going to attempt to knock out a few chapters of this Misanthrope recommendation. Finishing this could take a while for sure.

It’s a good day to give thanks. Even though things could be better, I am better off than most. As sit here waiting to sneak out early to go home, there are employees who are walking around shaking hands with and saying good bye to fellow colleagues for the last time as a result of last months staff reductions. My sister has beaten cancer and has married the love of her life. I have a home, an amazing wife and child, family, and more friends than anybody of my ill repute deserves to have. Everybody have a great Thanksgiving and we’ll see you Monday!

*Proper response: “TO HELL WITH GEORGIA!!!”

It's only a matter of time now...

2008-11-18T10:33:00.005-05:00

Michael Jackson is as broke as General Motors. The difference between GM and MJ is that he's convinced nothing is the matter and his records are still flying off shelves. I predict either three things will happen: Rick Rubin will attempt to produce his next record, but give up once he realizes how far gone the dude is, he'll get offed by one of the many shady characters he's borrowed money from, or he'll appear before Congress demanding $300 billion in bailout money.

Making a couple of great records doesn't give you amuninty from being a complete dick.

Death of a great sideman...

2008-11-14T11:06:00.010-05:00

In case you missed the news, Mitch Mitchell, drummer and last surviving member of the Jimi Hendrix Experience died Wednesday night in his hotel room in Oregon, he was 61. No OD, or other self inflicted lifestyle cause, his heart just gave out.

I always thought Mitch overplayed a lot on those first three Hendrix releases getting in the way of all that guitar mastery, but as I got older I was able to listen beyond Jimi's enormous presence, I discovered the awesomeness of this power trio. 12 bar blues isn't a drummer featured style of music, but it was The Experience's 'Red House' performance that proved how wrong I was about Mitch's playing more so than say, "Fire'.

Sadly, it wasn't just the Hendrix family that got screwed after Jimi died back in 1970, both Mitch and Noel Redding were left with nothing and both had to work hard to keep their head above water.

RIP Mitch Mitchell.

I think I'll go home tonight, grab a glass of wine. and spin my vinyl copy of Axis: Bold as Love.

It's been a rough week...

2008-11-12T10:53:00.007-05:00

Mine and my wife's small retirement savings has vanished into thin air, the economy continues to tank, there is talk of bailing out companies that make shitty products nobody wants (U.S. auto makers), and I'm now feeling the effects of the latest staff cuts here at work. It's so bad that my Google reader has more than 20 unread blog posts, and I'm on the verge of declaring e-mail bankruptcy (marking everything as 'Read' and starting over). I've got to get back to even in order to prepare for my first work at home day Monday, but I may just have to come in.

When did work become so much work? I hope the new administration steps in and immediately mandates a reduction of workload to all procurement and supply chain professionals.

Oh, BTW, RE: the auto industry bailout, this is the best idea I've heard yet...

UPDATE: Oops, the above link is now fixed.

My President Barack Obama

2008-11-05T11:52:00.007-05:00

Congratulations to Barack Obama on a well deserved victory!

As you’ve heard me comment before, I believe Barack Obama to be a smart man and there is much that I admire about him beyond my policy differences with him. I didn’t watch the election coverage last night for two reasons: I knew Barack was going to win, and I’m completely worn out on it all by now, but as I woke up this morning and turned on the television, I was surprised at what my first thoughts were upon receiving the anticipated news. The first emotive thought that fired through my synapse was pride for my country. I share wholly in the historical significance of this event. It is a time that is long overdue, and all Americans should now stand proud that the fundamental charter of our constitution is more than just words a bunch of old guys jotted down, but words that actually mean what they say. Proud that only forty years ago, during MY life time, black citizens were being treated so horribly and many of those who suffered through the civil rights movement of the 50’s and 60’s and points before are now seeing the fruits of their perseverance. It must assuredly be an even more glorious day for these aged soldiers. We too often forget while celebrating and thanking America’s past warriors that we owe an equal debt to those who fought, suffered, and died in the struggle for racial equality. It is a proud moment for America indeed.

The next forward thinking thought I had beyond recognition and acknowledgement of the event was; what will it mean? What I hope it means is that the black community can now honestly address the issues that plague it as a group. I’ve talked to friends about what TRUE equality would mean in reality and the philosophical sense. TRUE equality means that NOBODY is more special than the other in the eyes of god, courts, government, etc. IMHO, this is the most challenging idea that black community must come to terms with and this election is an opportunity to embrace the concept. The problems are broad and systemic. Continued help from the government will of course be needed to solve them, but with a black man now holding the position of President of the United States, it’s time take a look inward. Single motherhood, dropout rates, black on black violent crime. I am convinced that the real solutions for these problems will not come from government programs and financial assistance, but with REAL cultural paradigm shifts and change in thought within the black community itself.

During my college days while studying the civil rights struggle, I’d lay awake at night and think about how different my feelings were on racial equality and justice in comparison to those segragationist, not just what I thought in the academic sense, but in my heart. After all, legislation no matter how well written and just does not change people’s hearts. The answer, the only answer, was that it was due 100% to my parents and the moral guidance that they provided me. They broke the chain and the results are sustained and indelible. I firmly believe that this is at the core to any solution to the problems mentioned above. It will require parents in the black community to do what my parents did for me: TEACH the idea of real equality to their children and responsibility to oneself.

While Barack Obama’s election victory is of itself a great story, how he got here is an even better one. He was blessed to have, against what some would say were insurmountable circumstances , a family member who instilled the values of equality, who refused to allow history to provide an excuse for him to fail. It’s now time to recognize what Barack Obama’s grandmother did for him is the ONLY path to solving the problems that plague the black community. I hope that is what folks will be thinking tomorrow as the streets are swept of confetti and life moves forward.

I did not vote for Barack Obama because I didn’t agree with many of his policy positions not on account of the color of his skin. There were many who did vote for him for this reason. I recognize this motive as a legitimate one for many reasons such as what I’ve written above. This moment had to happen and whether it was now or at some other time in the future, it is worthy of celebration.

Finally, to those liberals friends that I have listened to countless times run down the list of historical transgressions and blather on endlessly about how horrible our country is as I attempted in vain to counter with examples of how great we are, please take stock in this day. There were MANY more of these moments before, and there are many more to come.

There will be much to argue about in the coming days, but for now all I can say is good luck and God speed President Elect Barack Obama.

Gin & tonics + helmet on football = stunning upset and creepy old guys storming the field...

2008-11-03T10:11:00.007-05:00

What a football weekend! GT beat the Florida State Seminoles for the first time since 1975. Tech’s defense held their own against an over size opponent, half of which have never step foot in an FSU academic building, the other half made up of former, current, and future felons. Paul Johnson ran his triple option with determination, losing starting QB Josh Nesbitt in the first half. Freshman Jaybo Shaw, took over and experienced his gang like initiation into big time Div1A college football. He struggled a bit, but held onto the 10 point lead GT had amassed and took advantage of the few opportunities he was given to eat the clock up and ensure Tech punted FSU back into their own territory.

After FSU narrowed the lead to three late in the fourth quarter they marched down to GT's 3 yard line and with 45 seconds remaining, gold helmet met ball and GT recovered an FSU fumble in their own end zone securing victory. It was easily the best game I've ever seen at Bobby Dodd Stadium and after successfully smuggling in and consuming ALL the fresh lime laced gin and tonics, there was only one thing left to do,

STORM THE FIELD!!!

Army did their best against Air Force in front of a rare sell out crowd at West Point, and their defense actually looked pretty solid throughout most of the game. They continue to struggle on third down and gave up scoring opportunities time after time. It wasn’t a total loss though, as they continue to show improvement and for Army that’s almost as good as a win.

Jets beat the Bills, The Falcons beat my sorrier than sorry Raiders, the Cowboys and Pat’s lost again. That’s a DAMN good football weekend I’d say…

GO ARMY!!! BEAT AIR FORCE!!!

2008-10-31T09:18:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween!!!

2008-10-30T11:21:00.007-04:00

I'll be out tomorrow watching my kid narrate a school play they're putting on but thought I'd through out the obigatory "AWWWWW..." photos of the Alva family costumes (Mrs. Alva will be donning a French maids outfit just for me, so I can't show you that, sorry).

The dog/cat...

Com'on, what else was she going to be.

The kid...

Me, I'm going as the old man that I am. Looking at the last picture only confirms that I'm going to be wearing the costume for the rest of my life.

Mathdude and Tony Alva Halloween 1972...

2008-10-28T16:44:00.005-04:00

Beth has sponsored a costume contest and the only halloween picture I could find of me and my brother was this one:

That's Mathdude on the right. Those were good times...

It's better than nothing...

2008-10-28T16:02:00.009-04:00

After weeks of ominous news and forlorn depression over the economic meltdown and the coming disaster of an Obama presidency, it looks like I’ll finally finish a day here at work with a couple of tidbits of good news to hang my hat on even if it’s short term in nature. This was one positive indicator from CNNMoney.com:

“U.S. light crude oil for December delivery fell 60 cents to $62.62 a barrel after ending the previous session at a 17-month low.”

I passed a Quik Trip on the way in this morning and regular grade was selling for $2.38 and high test at less than $2.50. That’s less than what we were paying this time last year. All indications are that crude will continue to fall in price. I’ve got a long commute and our family was one of those millions the MSM was reporting who were significantly affected by high fuel prices. I’ll refrain from going back to driving the Boxster in every day, but it’ll be nice to take it in every now and again.

My company reported strong third quarter earnings today. We’ve been tightening our belts for more than a year anyway and were well positioned for this down turn. Cash is king! Unfortunately, my boss and VP were victims of a management layoff that had been in the works for awhile and it’s been hard to get my head around it. She was the best manager I’ve worked for since reluctantly graduating from college and joining the working world (it's also why posts have been light, I’ve been a little down you see), but it’s time to brace up and move forward. My new boss is a cool guy, if not a bit young, but he knows his stuff and seems to run a clean shop.

My new boss called a meeting today to announce that he's instituting a telecommuting plan for our department. Our old VP was staunchly opposed to the idea even while many other departments were embracing it (we're a damn ISP for cripes sake!), but the new guy is all about it. While I’m second from the bottom in batting order as far as picking my days, I’m still jazzed about not having to drive into the office one day a week.

Now, if only Georgia Tech could beat Florida State this weekend… Better yet, if ARMY could beat Air Force this weekend…! Okay, now I’m getting ahead of myself.

A simple question...

2008-10-23T10:10:00.006-04:00

How many voters, legitimate or otherwise, that ACORN has signed up will be casting their vote for John McCain? That right, we're supposed to feel sorry for the guy who committed voter fraud because "he needed the money...". F. U. C. K. O. F. F.

"ACORN has recently released a video on the Internet called "Fight Back: The Truth About ACORN." It uses a mix of interviews and video to fight what the group calls Republican efforts to suppress voter turnout."

Really? Do people really believe shit like this?! Why isn't john Stewart all over this statement?! A Republican conspiracy. Are you actually serious?

Take note folks, this little article here marks the official death of fair and unbiased journalism.

I heard Brian Williams this morning as he and NBC, who the McCain campaign have largely shut out on account of them being the WORST JOURNALISTS EVER, bring up sort of in passing that the McCain campaign spent $150K on Palin's wardrobe. Let see, what can be said about that? Oh yeah, WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!

I've come to terms with the fact that Barack Obama will be our next president. I hope he turns out to be the great uniter that he's touted himself to be. I believe him to be a smart man. Hell, say what you will, but after getting beneath the bubba accent, Bill Clinton turns out to be a pretty smart guy. Like Clinton though, I'm certain Obama will run straight into a wall in his first month in office as he finds out what Washington is REALLY like.

Make no mistake, any pipe dreaming liberal who thinks Democrats are immune to ALL the things that they demonize their adversaries on the other side of the isle for and are some how that much different from all they hate about Republicans is an indication of how delusional they are. Politicians are all liars and thieves with few exceptions. You work backwards from there.

This will be my question on November 5th: The United States of America has just elected our first black president, now what?

Oh yeah, the Kansas City Chiefs suck.

If you've got any sense at all on November 4th...

2008-10-15T09:32:00.003-04:00

...vote for this guy. You'll be glad you did.

The sun will come out tomorrow...

2008-10-13T09:51:00.014-04:00

The economy is in the crapper and we're about to elect the most unqualified candidate in the history of our nation as president, but who cares about that when the Dallas Cowboys AND the New England Patriots lose on the same weekend!!! It just proves that better days are ahead for us. Jeez, if the democrats can get me stimulus check Mach II before Christmas I’d be down right optimistic about the future. BTW, Q: What’s more biased than the MSM media fawning over the Obama campaign? A: Troy Aikmen calling a Cowboy game. Jeez, I thought the guy was going to leave the booth and fellate Tony Romo right there on the sidelines in between sacks with Jessica watching. Mathdude’s annoyance indicator will no doubt peg off the charts of course. That’s okay, after all those years and heaps of mockage even he deserves a little time in the sun.

It’s more than the Cowboys and Pat’s getting kicked in the junk this weekend, HOW ‘BOUT THEM FALCONS!!! What a win. I guess that’s what lifted my spirits: the comebacks. The Falcons blew a lead when kicker Jason Elam failed to convert a 30+ change yard field goal with under two minutes which would have given the Falcons a two possession lead over Da Bears. Chicago rallied to score quickly leaving the Falcons eleven seconds at kickoff to make something happen. Matt super stud Ryan throws to deep pass to Jenkins to set up a monster 48 yarder as time ran down. Amazing. The Birds are 4-2 and things feel good here in Atlanta. The catch phrase of the week: Vick who?

The cupcake match up between Georgia Tech and Gardner-Webb Community College turned out to be far more excitement than any of us had bargained for as well. The div IAA Bulldogs seemed to have convinced themselves that they could actually beat the Yellow Jackets. They found a way to simply shut down Tech’s offense. The ¾ nerd filled stadium had to sweat out a last second Gardner-Webb field goal attempt to tie that was tipped by a Tech defender and sailed wide left. What a game. Gotta hand it to the GW Bulldogs. They ought to be proud of their performance. For GT, they get the win, and are flying under the poll radar at 5-1 as they travel to a falling Clempson next weekend for a season definer against the Tigers. A win there going into homecoming would be huge. I wish we were going to that one.

Yes, the Oakland Raiders suck, and the Terps were off, but I saved the best for last, and that would be ARMY”S WINNING STREAK EXTENSION!!! That’s right folks, Army grinded out a win against Eastern Michigan (that’s two wins in a row which constitutes a ‘Streak’ folks). The Black Knights played tough defense and have been giving their offense better field position to work the triple option with. Being able to watch Paul Johnson’s option juxtaposed against Stan Brocks week after week makes Army’s deficiencies that much more glaring, but I see improvement with Army and that is the key to hope. If idiot Stan Brock can get some expertise on his staff and find a way to beat Navy, he just might keep his job. It’s good to see The Corps win. Nobody deserves it more. They’ve got another chance to steal a win next week against an equally hapless Buffalo.

The Jets won again in those horrible new uniforms which I cannot seem to get my head around. The colors are too close to the old LA Rams scheme. Go back to green guys, but keep winning. Look forward to Jets vs Pats rematch with great anticipation.

Perhaps the Eurowennies can take a timely tip from us Yanks over here suffering through their own economic downturn and simply get behind the real and far superior game of football. You’ll be glad you did.

Oh yeah, I filled up for $3.19 a gallon this morning too. If gas prices continue to fall like this I just might be able to drive the Boxster to work one day a week. I’d almost have to call it an Era of Good Feeling…

Ain't that the truth...

2008-10-10T16:28:00.005-04:00

Included in a local sports writer for the Atlanta Journal's handicapping for this weekend's NFL games:

"Raiders of the lost mind: If everybody bought Al Davis shots on Bourbon Street this weekend and then ditched him in a transvestite strip club in the Quarter, do you think he'd make more sense the next day? Saints to cover 7 1/2..."

Every picture tells a story don't it?

2008-10-09T11:30:00.012-04:00

In celebration of my brother's blog sinking to an all time low reading level of "High School"...

...and inspired by his mug shot like ID card photo he posted today I give you this:

Tony Alva Sr. Formal Yearbook Photo 1982

While my stylish hair shouts "march in the streets", my attire acknowledges my reverence to the values in which I was raised and a commitment to respect and incorporate all points of view in my thinking.

Okay, so my parents made me wear it and since I was in trouble that particular week, I was hoping to win a good behavior release from my restriction sentence by NOT fighting them on this unlike Mathdude.

Let the bullshit rain fall...

2008-10-08T12:04:00.009-04:00

I feel like the pumpkins pictured above. I think my friend The Misanthrope feels the same after trading messages during last nights debate.

Yet more proof that the MSM is nothing but a bunch of pot stirring, know nothing, liars...

This alleged trip by "executives" was actually an earned incentive reward to independent insurance sales people who sold AIG policies and beat quotas. Independent agents who chose to sell their clients AIG policies over other companies offerings. Further (it's mentioned only briefly in the second paragraph), the folks who EARNED this trip actually worked for a PROFITABLE AIG subsidiary, NOT connected to the parent who took the bailout plan. All this is fact, yet here are news agencies and politicians whipping up that rich foamy lather we all seem to know and love. I am sure there are legitimate excesses associated with Wall Street fat catting, go find them lazy ass son of a bitchin' journalists instead of fabricating them.

Eat it up everybody, let's not at all address what REALLY caused this crisis. It's very simple: Pressure brought to bare on lenders to make mortgages available to those who wouldn't qualify otherwise, and greedy bastards who took advantage of these borrowers. The article can't make it any clearer. It's just not that hard to grasp. I don't care about the blame portion of any of this now (I've said before that back 1999 I probably would have supported Clinton's idea here), but we DO need to recognize the truth.

Enough of the bullshit...

(Thanks for the photo sis)

These are not the best of times, but they're the only times I've ever known...

2008-10-07T11:31:00.002-04:00

A black hole sun is burning the world economy up as Wall Street shitheads take millions in get out of dodge money, while our country stands ready to vote a president into office who's hardly done more than study hard, get good grades in college, and pass the bar exam.

BUT even as my natural optimism drains from my tear ducts, I strain to see a small ray of hope leaking in, just a single blade of green grass poking up from the hard frozen tundra, a sliver of positive news that stands out against a tidal wave of gloom, and there it is!

A miracle.

"Someday this war is going to end..."

- Col. Kilgore -

And not the good kind...

2008-10-02T10:38:00.007-04:00

Yesterday began the start of the holiday season. Not THAT one, the better one, the one that coincides with the greatest season of sports that is college football. We are of course talking about Halloween. Mrs. Alva dragged out the decorations and her and Mini Alva set about making the Alva Palace ready for the high holiday.

This is what the 42,325,623 kids who live in our neighborhood are most impressed with...

This is my favorite...

She is the greatest.

For Dr. Zibbs...

2008-09-30T10:01:00.008-04:00

Pennsylvania’s own pig masked psycho serial killer and uber blogger Dr. Zibbs was lamenting about being brought back in time by a radio tune from his youth. I love that. It happens to me frequently since music was a huge part of my youth even before I discovered Kiss and hard rock. When I was first brought back in time by the song below 15 years ago, I had a hard time figuring out what the title of the tune was and who recorded it. Ultimately I gave up. Enter the age of the internets and all I had to do was Google a lyric and BAM!, it’s now in heavy rotation on the iPhone.

Back in 1976, I was tortured by being sent off to yet another Catholic School that naturally I hated. Why couldn’t I be bused into the oh so safe intercity of Norfolk VA and fear for my life like my brother Mathdude. Damn he was lucky… Anyway, while all my friends waited at the bus stop together, I had to put on a gayass uniform and wait for the carpool to swing by and pick us up so old hag nuns could wail on me all day. Needless to say, I had VERY little motivation to get up and out of bed in the morning and my folks tried everything in the book to hasten the process, up to and including throwing nasty dish sink sponges into the bed with me. It was all out of love I’m sure.

The first action they employed involved turning the radio on and cranking it up through our cheesy 1070’s house-wide intercom system. This was the only part of getting up that I enjoyed back in those days. As a result, I absorbed thousands of 70’s radio hits that crackled out of that lousy speaker on the wall by the door. Out of all of them, this one is amongst the badest of bad. If you can’t groove to it, than you simply have no soul and are a shell of a human. Or you might be like, Scandinavian white or something. Hell, even this kid whose parents weren’t even born yet when the song came out spent the time to work the tune out on the bass (restores my faith in the youth of today a little bit).

Without further ado, I give you Brick performing their 1976 hit “Jazz Dazz”...

A little Tony Alva leadership advice...

2008-09-30T09:42:00.007-04:00

Date: September 30, 2008

To: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

From: Tony Alva and a shitload of people that seek a bipartisan solution to Wall St. crisis

Subject: How to win friends and influence people

Ms. Pelosi,

A bit of advise to you and that douchebag Barney Frank: When you're having a hard time mustering votes in your own party for passage of one of the most important bills to hit the floor in decades and must convince a skeptical bunch of number crunching GOP members who's constituencies are ringing they're phones off the hook and pleading with them to vote "Nay", do us all a favor and...

SHUT.

THE.

FUCK.

UP!!!

I read the news today oh boy...

2008-09-29T11:19:00.008-04:00

Some news seems to immediately trump what was only moments ago screaming front page headlines. Take for instance the events of Saturday: Florida’s loss to Ole Miss, on a blocked extra point even! That WAS news I tell ya. Just as that was being telegraphed over the wire, the University of Maryland Terrapins upset the number twenty-two ranked Clemson Tigers. Wow! Things are getting wackier and my day is getting brighter with each passing moment was what I was telling myself. Then, relegating the Terps big upset to the backseat was an even more mind blowing turn of events that made all educated people in the state of Georgia forget the long gas lines (due to the fake gas shortage), Georgia went down 31-0 in the first half of what was supposed to be their national championship coming out party against the Alabama Forrest Gumps and never got in the game. It was an ugly scene between the hedges out in Athens my friends. Thousands of UGA undergrads mournfully wandering back to their dorm rooms to study for that tow truck operator’s exam they had coming up this morning. I'm no stickler for spelling as anyone who reads this terrible blog knows, but can we stop spelling 'Dogs' dawgs?

But the scoop of all scoops came unexpectedly on Sunday as morning gave way to afternoon as speaker Nancy Pelosi was announcing tentative agreement had been reached on the Wall Street bailout plan. Yes, after battling through a serious cold and slight bit of a hangover due to the prior night’s festivities, Tony Alva shot a round of 89 at the Flat Creek Country Club’s Homestead/Old Mill course. This was Tony’s first foray into the wonderful world of sub 90’s golf. Now THAT is some hard hitting news right there boys. When asked, I can now answer the question “What do you shoot?” with confident and casually arrogance, “Oh, I shoot in the eighties… Can you now go fetch me a plate of jumbo shrimp from the buffet please. Com’on, move along, Tony’s hungry, and put a little cocktail sauce on the side of the plate for me will you…”.

Oh yeah, nice slaughter of the Arizona Cardinals: The Last Place Arizona Cardinals, Perhaps the Worstest Team Ever Assembled - Ever! at the hands of the ever increasingly confident New York Jets. Can anyone tell me what the hell uniforms the Jets were sporting out there Sunday? I saw the highlights on Sports Center and thought the Cardinals were getting pummeled by the equally lousy St’ Louis Rams or something. Mathdude, it’s time to pick a new team my man. I’ve heard that Stan Brock is looking to get the Cardinals on Army’s schedule in lieu of Navy this December.

How’d everybody else do?

Roosting Chickens...

2008-09-24T14:02:00.013-04:00

Been slammed at work for the last week or so, and thus lots of Tony Alva outrage and analysis has gone undocumented. I’ve sort of refrained from lashing out about the bailout plan mainly because it’s a huge animal that just might, just maybe, just perhaps, 99% of us don’t know shit about. The fact that it’s occurring in an election year is making mining real facts even tougher. So here’s what I’ve learned in my meager attempt to get up to speed, and what fits with my own experience...

It’s been interesting watching the democrats sling blame at “Bush Policy” for what has happened. Actually, from what I’ve learned from diving into this thing it was pretty much a bi-partisan pile of poop. It all started with lending money in the way of mortgages to folks that previously could not qualify for a loan. Dems (and GOP'ers) were hot to provide under earners with a home of their own and were more than willing to sponsor any legislation that made the American dream possible. The primary impetus for my leaving New York ( a place I love) for Atlanta 17 years ago was to own my own home someday, something I felt was not going to be possible in NY. I can fully relate to those who share(d) the quest and would certainly have supported this legislation myself.

Lenders (okay, let’s just say that many were more than likely Republicans), were resistant to lowering the bar on loan criteria without two things: Some type of federal guarantee, and the ability to get PAID for their risk in the way of higher interest rates for these earning deficient borrowers. A compromise to both desires was drafted, passed, and signed by the president and off to the races we went.

What went wrong? Two things, the first being people are greedy and this situation was ripe for the picking. So much greed it’s hard to know where to start. Banks making the loans to marginal buyers, bundling them and selling them as ambiguous value at the macro level, something that has been done with auto loans forever. Crooked real estate agents partnered with equally crooked brokers ripping off uneducated buyers (this was the case for the buyers of our own house last year). House flippers out to game EVERY hole in the system (so simple anybody could do it, right?). Builders fired up their own mortgage businesses and anybody with a job, no matter what their annualized earnings or longevity in position, was now qualified to live in a Masters Collection Series 5 bd, 3 ½ bath home, with the stack stone/stucco frontage, granite everywhere, in a gated community. (My wife and I as newly weds were told that we qualified for close to $300K on a combined income of less than $60,000 back in 1995 for Christ sakes! No, we didn’t take that note).

I know there’s more in the details, but that’s what I’ve gathered as far as run away greed goes…

The second, many of these borrowers plain and simply were not ready, and perhaps will NEVER be capable of honoring a 30 year mortgage whether it be on account of the fact they don’t earn enough, can’t keep a job, have ZERO financial discipline, or a combination of all three and more. The no cost/no money down mortgage greatly DEVALUED the essence of homeownership in the American dream sense. Everything was fine for a while since soaring appreciation meant that flippers were there to pick up the foreclosures and re-sell them to a whole new set of unqualified buyers. Even with the foreclosures, lending was so liberal that the inventory beast needed continued feeding. Of course, when there are too many foreclosures, values drop and then flipping is no longer a lucrative business.

At the philosophical and political level, I am as torn by this situation as I am with payday/car title loan business. It angers me beyond words that these assholes prey on those in need to a degree that they do. Georgia has a HUGE problem with these evil institutions and I myself cannot see how anyone in their right mind would use the services of a payday/title loan shop. At the same time, from a liberty perspective, it’s not a whole lot different than casino gambling. People go in knowing the odds are against them, but they alone have the CHOICE to roll the dice or not. It is a pure freewill act to enter a casino or a payday loan shop. It boils down to this: Do people require the government to be protected from themselves? While I say no emphatically, my hatred for the piranhas and bottom feeders remain front and center. How does one reconcile this? I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I do think that, just like those who put their last dollar down on red and lost deserve nothing more than a "Sorry pal...", the same is true for the house when they make a bad bet, or the rare instance a patron hits a lucky streak. Along with most, I feel far less sorry for them for feeding on their fellow man's short comings.

So, from what I know at this moment the key things I want to see in any bailout plan is ZERO taxpayers dollars going to greedy shithead CEO’s and VP’s for golden parachutes. Any plan that involves my tax dollars must include a severe financial penalty to those who captained these ships. It should also include a rollback of federal pressure on banks to make loans to under earning and unqualified borrowers. Banks will no doubt be more conservative about who and what their loans fund on their own, but we need a return to reason with borrowing criteria. No more zero down mortgages or rolling required down payments into loans. Proof that one can save some money over a period of time is a great way for banks to gauge an individual’s ability to pay a loan back. It’s just a start, but that’s what I can cobble together as this point in my own education.

Anyone who is willing to straighten me out on anything I've got wrong feel free, but know I will ignore anything that wholly blames one party over the other.

Wouldn’t it be great if this fiasco turned out to be the greatest bi-partisan solution ever drafted by our government, especially in an election year?

Fat chance, right?

More importantly, did you hear that People Magazine is reporting that Clay Aiken has admitted to being a gay man? Holy shit! How could I have missed that?!

Absolutely horrible news...

2008-09-15T13:18:00.003-04:00

Richard Wright, Pink Floyd's most esteemed gentleman and pianist has died after a battle with cancer. I hope he and Ian Stewart are together lifting a pint or two and having a laugh at the drama that surrounds their more celebrated fellow band mates.

Rest in peace my man...

It's not whether you win or lose...

2008-09-15T10:32:00.006-04:00

It was one of those “you gotta love the game” weekends since most of my teams will be shaking the stink of defeat off of them ahead of Monday practice. The one notable exception was the Maryland Terrapins who beat the dirty, tree sitting, hippies of Berkley California, and after all who wouldn’t want to do that. Beat a tree sitting hippie that is (How could they not know that football will always trump trees? Sheez...) Oh yeah, Cal just so happened to have been ranked twenty-second. The Terps seemed to be bi-polar this year due to a QB controversy that just may have been settled by Chris “Napoleon Dynamite” Turner’s stellar performance Saturday. He got the Terps on the board early and way out in front preventing the patchouli brigade from ever really getting any foothold in the game. Big win, big confidence builder.

The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets had a chance to stir up the ACC with a win over a better than their record Virginia Tech. Paul Johnson’s G Tech team actually looked very good and they executed the option with flashes of brilliance with the exception of one glaring weakness: fumbles. Had they not given the up the ball as many times as they did, we’d be talking a different story here in ACC land this Monday. No matter, they can still spank Mississippi State, Duke, and Gardner-Webb (is that a community college?) and be 5-1 ahead of the rest of their ACC schedule. That’s a lot of game experience before the tough ones. My brother’s UNC Tar Heel’s stomped all over The State University of New Jersey (Rutger’s) Thursday night causing a stir all over the conference. Could we be seeing a resurgence of The Blue?

I guess the good news is that Army didn’t lose a game this weekend. They had a bye.

On to the pro’s…

The Falcons. Well, they certainly dashed away all the “Can they?!” talk with what was a typical ‘bunch of new guys’ performance. The Falcons offensive line was abysmal. Ryan ate a lot of turf and took many shots (many of them cheap). Welcome to the NFL Matt. They managed to stay in the game, but there was no feeling that they could keep up in my mind. Lot’s of work to be done there.

The Jets were stunned by the performance of Matt Cassel. Bill Belichick has obviously made a deal with the devil. I thought the Jets didn’t look too bad really. I hate that they lost, but with Farve’s short time in camp, I think there’s much to look forward ahead for Gang Green.

What’s up with that HORRIBLE call during the Bronco/Chargers game? Phillip Rivers and the San Diego bunch were freaking ROBBED! As much as I hate Denver, I’ve gotta give mad props to Shanahan for the go for the win two point conversion call. That was ballsy.

My Raiders. What the hell? They win. How did they manage to do that? I’m glad it was on television somewhere lest there be actual proof that it happened. An owner essetially locking out a coach in order to get him to quit. An organization in as much trouble and scraping the bottom as Army.

Mantra I’m living by today: It’s still early.

Another one: Go Eagles!!!

How ‘bout that banking industry?!

Whip it up...

2008-09-12T12:07:00.011-04:00

In addition to following the Jupiter size disappointment that is West Point’s football program that I've been boring my three readers with lately, I’ve been enjoying The Misanthrope’s election analysis of the last month or so. Yes, we’re both of similar conservative bent, but we also share a bewilderment of the rich foamy lather that the campaign season brings. I refer to this as the WWF factor. It breaks the sanest and well spoken of pundits and bloggers. A blogger I admire and respect to the level of brotherhood was so incensed this week about Sen. Palin that he hurled borderline insults that kind of shocked me and many of his other readers. I hold no grudge and remain a faithful reader and friend of course, but what an ungluing. You have to have thick skin to talk politics with your friends in a bar, much less an open public forum like a blog. No way I could say that I’ve not lost myself on occasion as much as I try to stay afloat on top of it.

This week what has struck me as amazing is how fast the "reach across the isle" meme has disappeared from Obama’s stump. Sad, because that was the thing that most appealed to me about Obama. It appealed to me that he seemed to be a listener. I liked that he changed his mind on his Iraq withdrawal plan. To me it showed that facts can change his mind. I gave a great deal of thought to what I see as a major difference between the two men running for office last night, the differences beyond the well trotted ground of supposed major policy issues and the jingoism of both campaigns, the differences that mostly guide my voting decision.

I think the major diff between the two PRESIDENTIAL candidates is one guys operating strategy is to rely heavily on advisors and consult to sort of adjudicate a decision and make policy. I’ve worked for people that manage this way. They’re managers who have little understanding of the minutia and nuance of a particular issue that requires a decision be made. They didn’t rise through the ranks like many of their subordinates. They call a meeting with representation from both sides of the issue either together or separate, earnestly listen to “arguments”, and then make a decision. Obama is a lawyer; this is sort of his training. He’s also young and less in the know about the minutia that makes ANY major policy decision difficult, but if he picks trusted intelligent folks to summarize for him it can and has worked.

The other candidate has been around for a LONG time. He graduated from USNA 3rd generation. He’s got a foundation of principled ideology underneath a great deal of worldly experience dealing with the minutia and the macro, both failures and successes. On account of this, he has very specific ideas of how he’d like to see things operate. I have worked for these types of people too. It’s sometimes referred to in the hyperbolic sense as “visionary”. These people also utilize advisors and consultants, but for a different purpose. They tend to use these folks to support their “vision” and advise them of pratfalls and risks of their ideas, in addition to making recommendations for compromises. I think this encapsulates McCain’s legislative approach pretty fairly.

These two subtle management approaches mirror the aged old and often argued beef NCO’s have with their commissioned counter parts. One has boots on the ground experience and training with actual troops, perhaps in live fire situations. The other has studied tactics and leadership in a classroom setting, but will have to rely on NCO’s and other advisors to guide decisions. History provides many examples of both types of leaders, exceptional, grossly incompetent, and all point inbetween. It's also worthy of note that both bring a management skill set to the table that is valuable to the other.

Bush for example I would argue was/is more like Obama than many supports might think. Not as well studied version of Obama, but one who relied on his “trusted” advisors to a fault. His lack of vision and gulibility made him a slave to these advisors and it led to disasters (one word: Rumsfeld. Oh, here’s another: Brownie). It seems that Bush never made any attempt to bone up on the minutia even when things started looking bad. Managing like this can also put you in the compromising position of being beholden to others. I think this is how Bush spent his way into oblivion. Bush did a horrible job of managing using this approach. He simply lacked the big brain to keep his head around it all. No need to point to evidence, it's pretty glaring to most (i.e. proxy Pres in the VP seat). That does NOT mean Obama couldn’t make it work. He’s a VERY smart guy (despite his campaign blunders lately) and if he could somehow manage to keep from being cooped by special interests and partisanship, be his own man, perhaps go against his party on a few issues, he could really be something else as president. That’s a big somehow though.

It’s also the most glaring example of how different John McCain is to George Bush. Even McCain's worst detractors couldn't claim he doesn't comes to the table with strong opinions, ideas, and policy. John McCain has spent a second lifetime digging through minutia in decades of committee meetings before becoming a legitimate candidate for the executive office. He’s served in the armed forces from pee on level to decorated officer. This is stated fact. Part of the reason I believe that McCain was still hanging around in the polls before the Palin pick was that most know he’s NOTHING like George Bush and Misanthrope is right when he says that the whole McCain = Bush thing is a failed campaign approach by Obama.

No telling what will push the needle to one side or the other in this campaign. It might be something completely unrelated to either’s suitability for office. It might be a slip of the tongue that morphs into a viral sound bite that takes one guy down. We’ve got a Presidential candidate running himself against a Vice Presidential candidate for cripes sake. I sincerely hope not and will continue to do my best to ignore the Sean Hannity/Bill Mahr bullshit as best I can, or mock it at least.

So, weird things have gone down and I'm not expecting that much will change. I’m prepared for both camps to carefully couch what they say for the next seven weeks which is truely sad. I'd much rather hear them speak their mind about how their particular management style is better suited for the office of President.

BREAKING NEWS: A bad situation getting worst for Army Football...

2008-09-11T09:34:00.007-04:00

In a late development, according to IDM sources in the West Point/ Highland Falls area, Army’s top quarterback recruit plebe Paul McIntosh, a topped ranked high school prospect from Indiana, resigned from the military academy on Monday along with fellow teammate, fullback Patrick Mealy. The McIntosh resignation was confirmed by the Mid-Hudson’s Times-Herald Record, “McIntosh was an option star at Reitz High in Evansville, Ind., where he was named Indiana's Mr. Football in 2007. Many thought McIntosh's arrival was a major reason why Army changed to an option offense this season”, according to the report.

What a freaking disaster. More…

“Brock questioned his entire team's character after Army dropped its second consecutive home game to start the season, saying, ‘I think some guys quit.’”

While the players may have in fact given up during the game, IT”S YOUR FREAKING JOB TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING YOU MORON!!!

From McIntosh’s former high school coach John Hart:

"From my standpoint, I don't understand it," Hart said. "They just got beat by a Division I-AA school and the best player in Indiana is not on your No. 1, No. 2 or No. 3 deep depth chart?"

Read the article, I can’t quote any more, it’s just too painful. You know what this sounds like to me? It sounds like an 18 year old plebe just might have known more about how to run an option offense than his colossally moronic head coach.

Brock must be fired. The Superintendent, the Army Athletic Association, and perhaps some folks in Washington need to GET THIS SITUATION SQUARED AWAY NOW!

CLARIFICATION: After discussing my previous posts with Yoda Jacket, he pointed out that he thought I was deficient in my mention of Navy’s and Air Force’s successes. He’s right. For the record, I have nothing but MAD PROPS for both the Air Force program over the last 10 years, but especially Navy. I watched Paul Johnson’s first game as head coach and Navy’s season opener against the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets with our group of friends when GT clobbered Navy by 70 points, a devastating and demoralizing loss. Navy won only a couple of games that season, one of them against Army. The following year they got their first bowl invitation in decades and have been back to many bowl games since. There’s a stark contrast in coaching ability right there. Johnson get’s his team up after a disastrous season to beat Army, Brock has his top players not only quitting football, but leaving the academy.

The Corps deserves better...

UPDATE: CAN. I. GET. AN. AMEN!!!

Army football revisited (for fans only, all three of them)

2008-09-09T15:35:00.021-04:00

(I started this response to Fatsacca's comment to my last post and got pretty fired up while drafting it. I couldn’t help myself. I'm still reeling at the loss this past Saturday. For those two people who might actually read it all here it is…)

Fats,

Good to hear from you...

Ah, the peanut gallery. Every time an Army game is televised I always take a gander at our little corner of the stadium to see what's happening as I'm sure many others who spent their Saturday’s there along with us do.

Yes, Army has been beaten by many greats throughout my life as a brat at WP, but I was also fortunate enough to have lived there when the football program experienced a resurgence and became a force to be reckoned with in the mid to late 80's and into the 90's. The legend reads like this:

Jim Young took a defeated Army team over from Ed Cavanaugh after Young left Purdue in 1983. In five years with Purdue, Young had amassed a 38-19-1 record. Not bad. He came to a cellar dwelling program at Army and in his first year goes 2-9, including another demoralizing loss to Navy on the pitch at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. Army football fans sighed a big “Whatever…”. On the plane ride back from Pasadena it is said that Young’s offensive coordinator sat down next to him and conceded to his boss that the caliber player Army is able to recruit will never have the capability to keep up with the bigger schools and their ever expanding passing schemes, and the only way to effectively compete against them is to find a way to keep their opponents offense off the field. He suggested to Young that Army dust off the Wishbone playbook and implement it right away.

Who knew at the time what a stroke of genius this was. Smaller, simpler playbook, focused on what cadets CAN do vs. attempting make them do what they CAN’T. A discipline and decision based offense that kept an opponents offense off the field and made their big fat defensive linemen huff and puff while they chased these little cadets all over the field down after down, play after play. Young must have thought at this point, "What the hell do I have to lose".

It was boring to some to watch for some, but in 1984 its effectiveness could not be denied. Young took Army to an 8-3-1 record the following year grinding it out on the ground yard by yard. They tied Tennessee IN TENNESSEE stunning everyone with even the slightest interest in the college game. Their winning record earned them a bid to play in the inaugural Cherry Bowl where they beat a heavily favored Michigan State. That season, if Army happened to find themselves down ten points late in the fourth quarter, Young determinedly stuck to his game plan and taught the cadets the same patience and discipline. The following year, they went 9-3 and beat Illinois in the Peach Bowl here in Atlanta. In those two years the Army team finished RANKED number twenty-two in the nation both seasons! The following two years of the Young era saw the Army team play to consecutive .500 records (one highlight of the 1985 season was an Army VICTORY over Tennessee in Knoxville). On the heals of their success, the program began putting tougher opponents on the schedule at the same time losing a couple of key backfield and offensive line players to graduation. But college football is cyclical, and in 1988 Army went 9-3 and played tough, but lost to a heavily favored Alabama in the Sun Bowl and by a one point margin.

The following two years had Army going 6-5 in each, but the program was riding high and stacking up year after year wins over Navy. Added to that was a couple of wins over Air Force that kept fans and The Corps energized. Jim Young left at the end of the 1990 season. He was heard to comment that in order to sustain a winning program at West Point, a coach must maintain a level of energy that can take years off an older man’s life. He was exhausted. The team was handed to Bob Sutton, Young’s offensive coordinator who served under him his entire time as head coach at Army. Sutton struggled for the next few years as Army opponents began to take the wishbone seriously and actually took to practice against it in preperation to play Army. In Sutton’s first five years the Army team was better than .500 only once, but the key to him keeping his job was beating Navy and other teams Army was SUPPOSED to beat (something they haven’t been able to do for a long time now). Then, in 1996, hard work paid off and Sutton took Army to a 10-2 record, one of the two losses coming against Auburn at the Independence Bowl where Army missed a last second field goal that would have tied the game and sent it into overtime. Auburn coach Terry Bowden only weeks before had threatened to turn down such a “lowly” bowl invitation and had publicly denounced Army as an unworthy opponent to his sagging football factory. After nearly losing to Army in one of the most exciting games I've ever watched, he earnestly apologized in front of the cameras. This author here will never forgive his arrogance and to this day I turn him off when he appears on television.

On the strength of the 1996 season, the academy made a colossal blunder, a gaph of epic proportions. It was announced that beginning with the 1998 season Army would be joining the marginal Conference USA not just in football, but many of the academy’s other sports as well. Sutton struggled against conference opponents whose teams were made up of creeps and thugs who rarely, if ever, set foot in a classroom their entire college careers. After struggling in two years of conference play, Sutton was unceremoniously sacked on the street outside the gates of Philadelphia’s Veteran Stadium after losing to Navy for the second time in three years. The deed was carried out by West Point’s newly anointed Army AD Rich Greenspan who had plans of his own. We would all soon find out that the hiring of Greenspan as Army’s Athletic Director would become added insult to injury to our battered and beloved Army team.

In hindsight there were many, including myself, who thought Sutton was the only problem. He failed to upgrade the wishbone with ANY passing component at all like many other option schools were doing, but we now know that joining a conference, especially Conference USA, was the real bonehead move and contrary to the mission of the academy. Those of us who were lucky enough to have basked in the glory of all those Jim Young years were lusting after bigger bowl games, ESPN highlight reels, and top 25 rankings. We’d simply been blinded by light of college football glory. Army football had become bigger than the academy’s mission to many close to it. If there were those that didn’t understand how upside down this thinking was, the events of 9/11 set them straight including your humble author.

As Malcolm McDowell’s character in ‘A Clockwork Orange’ narrates as he is driven to suicide, “This is the sad and weepy part oh my brothers…”. Most Army football fans waited with hope filled anticipation (guarded as it may have been) for search committees to be formed and candidates to be vetted through the winter that followed Sutton’s horribly handled firing (this is a guy who served the academy faithfully for sixteen years, through up’s and down’s and was rudely handed his hat on the streets of Philadelphia. He is now the defensive coordinator for the NY Jets). Much to our collective shock and barely 10 days after announcing the commencement of a national search, Greenspan abruptly announced he was hiring his good buddy and coach of his former Div IAA institution Illinois State. Shock at the announcement could be felt throughout the Army football community, but most just thought, “Well, they’ve got to know what there their doing up there, right?”.

The four seasons that followed made the Conference USA decision look like a stroke a sheer brilliance. Together Todd Berry and Rich Greenspan, neither of who had ANY comprehension whatsoever of West Point and its unique challenges, completely decimated the Army football program beyond anything ever seen before. Berry and Greenspan quickly alienated the prep school coaches, recruiting staff, and scouts with their ineptitude and lack of understanding of what kind of individual comes to West Point. In his first press conference, Todd Berry arrogantly made grandiose predictions of undefeated seasons and bowl game invites as he abandoned entirely Army's option offense for the West Coast variety. Todd Berry and Rich Greenspan collectively amassed a shameful record of 5-36 in their four year tenure, including an NCAA Div IA record of thirteen losses in a single season (scheduling an extra game against an emerging Hawaii by skirting the NCAA rules about maximum number of games allowed to be played on the continental U.S. Just another Berry/Greenspan blunder). Take a minute to let that sink in: won five games in four seasons and never beat Navy. There were cadets that entered West Point and played all four seasons and won only five games. Players who were now newly minted 2nd Lt.’s reporting to units deployed in battle who won only one game in two seasons, three in another and went 0-13 in their last. Wow.

The Superintendent mercifully fired Berry midway through the 0-13 season and Greenspan ducked out in the summer that followed. Greenspan along with his associated stink were picked up as AD at Indiana where he immediately got their storied basketball program in hot water. He was most recently fired for ruining yet another program. Todd Berry kicked around in Div IAA for a year or two before ending up on Miami’s coaching staff as a QB coach. Miami finished in the basement of the ACC that year and Coker along with most of his staff were fired. The Miami football program was a train heading off the rails.

That leads us into recent history in which Bobby Ross feels a patriotic duty to come out of comfortable retirement and restore respectability to the Army football program. A good guy doing it for the right reasons. Berry to Ross, what a change. The game wasn’t televised, but on October 9th 2004 when Army miraculously defeated fellow Conference USA opponent Cincinnati for their first home win in a very long time, the Corps stormed the field, tore down the goal posts, carried them down the hill, and erected them in the Superintendent’s front yard. I was lucky enough to have seen the celebration late Saturday night on ESPN College Football Round Up. I’m not at all afraid to admit tears were welling up as I watched.

So hear we are. Ross found out the hard way what Jim Young had discovered years earlier about the youthful stamina required to win at West Point in this day and age. The bottom line is this: In order to be successfully at Army, one must understand all that I have written above to a depth far greater than an outsider such as me possesses. Understand the kid who goes to West Point, not just to play football for 3-4 years, but his goals and aspirations military and otherwise, know who his family is, what motivates him, what his strengths and weaknesses are, and of course understand the primary mission of the academy. A coach at Army will NEVER have his players daily attention as long as his civilian counterparts do with their players. Army football players (Navy and Air Force for that matter) will never enjoy rock star like lives on campus and all the other spoils that come with playing football at a Div IA school. The head coach at Army needs to have a strong desire to be a part of West Point, it’s community, and share in his players off field cadet experience just as much as he wants to win games, because winning games is sometimes a rarity.

A winning program can be restored at West Point as they have at Air Force and Navy over the years. Both of these rivals have simply done what we all know needs to be done at West Point (Paul Johnson WILL win at Georgia Tech and anybody who takes them lightly will be sorry they did). We know the formula that works. We don’t need to drop to Div IAA play, and we don’t need to dangle shorter military commitments to attract better football players. We need to hire a competent option offense coach. Not a big name guy who flinches at 5-7 seasons, someone who wants to be there. Who wants to beat Navy and Air Force as much as The Long Gray Line does. I've seen what is needed with my own eyes and it happened regularly every Saturday while living at West Point in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

There is much to admire about any individual who decides to attend West Point. Its four years of days from pre-dawn to dusk filled with academic and physical activity that most of us could never endure. I know I couldn’t then or now. Being a football player at West Point in addition to the normal rigors of cadet life is beyond comprehension to me. As I said in my previous post, the Long Gray Line, The Corps, and fans everywhere deserve better than what they’ve had for the last decade and action should be taken immediately to make it right.

Time to go...

2008-09-08T11:21:00.018-04:00

"I’m embarrassed, and I’m ashamed —- not that we lost to the University of New Hampshire [28-10], because they are a good football team, but by the way we did it. … I apologize to the United States Military, Corps of Cadets, anybody really who watched that game.”

- Army Football Coach Stan Brock after losing to Div IAA New Hampshire 9/6/08 -

Well, you ought to be you bastard…

There are no excuses anybody can make at this point for the sorry state of West Point's football program. The Superintendent, The Long Gray Line past, present, future, the community and fans all over the country should demand accountability. I've seen both of Army's games this season courtesy of ESPN Classic and for the second weekend in a row watching the debacle on the field has spoiled my mood through Monday. When will the academy learn that NOT conducting a national search for a head coach means virtual instant failure? Why, when finally deciding to adopt an option offense, the ONLY offense that has EVER made Army a contender, an offense that countless other schools including arch rival Navy has leveraged to put them in a four year run of bowl games, did Athletic Director Kevin Anderson keep Stan Brock. Stan Brock, a guy who came in as Bobby Ross’s (who gallantly tried to run a spread offense for two years before re-retiring) offensive coordinator and was handed the job with no consideration given to anybody else.

So here’s where we are… Army brought in arguable the best college football coach to rebuild the organization from the ruins of Todd Berry’s four year reign in which Army lost more games in one season than any other Div IA team has ever lost (0-13) and install a West Coast offense. While successfully generating renewed spirit in the program overall, Ross figures out that he’s too old, and West Point’s five year post graduation military commitment during a time of war too onerous to recruit a caliber of player to run an offense throwing the ball. Ross leaves exhausted. AD Anderson HANDS the job to former Ross OC Stan Brock. Army fans hope for a return to the option. Doesn’t happen. Army gets crushed by Navy last season for the billionth time in a row and wins 3 games all season. Brock scratches his ass and is heard to utter, “The option huh? Think they got any books in the library on how to do that?” This is the time in which AD Anderson should have been saying to himself, “I need to conduct a national search for an up and coming head coach experienced in running the option. Get a selection committee together stat...”. Instead, for two weeks he’s had Stan Brock out there on the sidelines flipping through a copy of ‘Wishbone for Dummies’ looking for all his highlighted sections while Div IA & IAA cupcakes, scheduled to give Army a chance at going 2-0 into the meatier parts of their schedule, run up and down the field spraying touchdowns like machine gun fire at Army. It’s tough to watch folks.

Local sports beats in the Hudson Valley are now questioning whether Army should be running an option offense. Morons all of them. What Stan Brock has the cadets running is NOT an option offense in any sense that most understand it. All one needs to do is watch Georgia Tech game film to see how it's supposed to be done, perhaps with less passing than GT has employed to date.

For all they get right up there at West Point, it absolutely befuddles me as to how they can’t seem to get the wheels back on the football program's train. I know football is not the academy's primary mission, I get that. So do the administrations in Annapolis and Colorado Springs, yet these service academies seem to field competitive teams year after year. There is simply NO excuse and the corps of cadets DESERVE BETTER.

So, as respectfully as can possibly convey to Superintendent Lt. Gen. Franklin L. Hagenbeck: Take a clue from Gen. Petraeus and do what needs to be done here. Fire Stan Brock immediately (Anderson too if he’s not on board), conduct a national search for replacement who has experience running an option offense at the college level and start recruiting soldier/players for this system. Enough of the excuses, the pathetic apologies, and chaos on the field.

Army football fans are not looking for a BSC bowl or a run at the national championship, but we absolutely expect to win games they are supposed to, and have a program worthy of the esteemed institution it represents.

MAKE IT HAPPEN GEN. HAGENBECK!!!

Hey Fred, I have a venture that needs funding...

2008-09-05T17:11:00.004-04:00

I can set up a meeting whenever you available Fred.

My little one (on the right) with her latest money making scheme. The cool thing is she buys a lot of music with her capital gains.

Welly, welly, welly, well...

2008-09-05T13:49:00.019-04:00

Well, it sure has been an interesting week. Work has been hectic as all get out. "Exiting a business is as stressful as starting one" is the axiom I’ve come to understand lately. The obvious diff is starting them is hopeful and exiting them is thoroughly depressing. Still, much to my surprise, I got a “shout out” (company speak for: here’s a gift card now get back to work) at our all hands meeting yesterday for my work on the project. While nobody handed me a check or anything cool like that, it’s always good to have your efforts acknowledged.

The GOP convention was a mixed bag for me. I guess the Palin thing turned it into an event that I was actually interested in tuning into. Despite all the pathetic attempts to immediately discredit her, I have to say I think she’s the real deal, probably more electable than anybody on either ticket. Her speech was brilliant. McCain’s speech was tepid in comparison. I know it’s not his thing (he’ll crush Obama in the debates though), but presidential campaigns are nothing but long and very dull advertising blitzes. It sucks that substance doesn’t trump flash, but it is what it is. If I were McCain, I’d focus all my energies on showing the country how different he is than Bush and Co. I think he laid the foundation for this meme last night, but now that he has nothing to fear from the party by dissing the current prez, he should let it all fly. He’s still the underdog to win, but there’s a lot of stumping to be done. I remain convinced that he is the most qualified candidate in the last four elections to be president.

Me and my gal will be taking in the Chris Isaak show around the corner from our house tomorrow night. The weekend will of course include copious amounts of college and pro football gazing on the idiot box (can we still call them that when they’re not flat as a pancake?). The Falcons open against the Lions and only just yesterday sold enough tickets to prevent a local blackout of the game. I’m sure the Jets are having the same problem… NOT! The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets are up in Beantown to take on BC with their new Paul Johnson hybrid option offense. After watching them crush their opening cupcake both my dad and I think GT will surprise many this season. The Terps barely got past the University of Delaware (that statement alone is foreboding enough). Most troubling was the fact that Chris “Napoleon Dynamite” Turner was not starting at QB. I’ve not followed the QB controversy at UM, but wha the fuck Fridge? The kid was good last year and ought to be out there this season. I’ll have to dive deep and find out what’s going on there at my almost alma mater.

My dad and I were excited to find that the Army vs. Temple game was available on my cable package and he came over to watch. After settling in with our beers and snacks it took exactly ten minutes to realize that Stan Brock is NOT the coach that will pull the cadets out of the basement. We were all prepared to see a new shaky yet committed option offense grind out a narrow victory, but instead saw him run only ONE option series the entire game, AMAZINGLY the only series to result in a touchdown, choosing to back up and pass all the rest. Idiot. Get him out of there NOW. GOD, will we EVER be able to beat Navy again?

Oh well… Looks like it’ll be another season with my teams being also ran’s, but it’ll still be fun. Hope all your teams win this weekend, but only if you’re not in my football pool. If you are, I hope you lose every one.

Oops! Perhaps that wasn't such a good idea but of course I could be wrong

2008-08-27T11:04:00.008-04:00

So far I’m a big goose egg on any of my election predictions in the last three presidential campaigns. Five months ago I was sure by this time that Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic nominee and would be delivering McCain’s mail as she breezed by him in the polls. I’m pretty sure I owe the Misanthrope and/or Tom Watson a dollar for my losing wagers.

I don’t watch convention coverage of either party as a rule since it rarely rises above the WWF level of rhetoric, but Hillary’s speech ran over last night, so while waiting for the local news to come on I took my eye off the most excellent Keith Richards biography that I’m finishing to hear what the one time front runner had to say.

Hillary Clinton, like her or not, is the consummate politician. I happen to like Hillary, at least as much as I can. I wouldn’t vote for her over McCain, but I also didn’t live in fear of her becoming president as I do with He Who Walks on Water. Last night she had her game on and was brilliant. Not for a minute did I think she was at all successful in rallying her “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits” around the Obama/Tool… OOPS! I mean Obama/Biden ticket. What I saw was an individual who ABSOLUTELY should have been the VP choice. I believe Hillary was genuine in her attempt to unite her party with her speech, but by being as good as she was I firmly believe that any democrat watching that speech, DEEP down in their pie in the sky hearts, KNOW she was the best person for the VP slot, perhaps a better presidential candidate than The Savoir himself. I can picture her brushing by Barack backstage and uttering as she intentionally bumps his shoulder with hers, “Go get’em rookie, they’re all yours” and then turning with an out of sight smirk back to her waiting limo.

If her finishing comments didn’t convince me of this, seeing The Son of Man’s reaction after watching the speech on TV in Bumfuck Montana (and let’s face it, EVERYWHERE in Montana can be called Bumfuck), I just got the strongest feeling from his demeanor that he had just watched a much better politician take his ass to the woodshed. Perhaps all those asshats who convinced him that working with the Clinton Machine would be a pain in the backside he’d just assume not deal with were 110% WRONG. I'm conviced they were. I'm fairly certain had the Water to Wine Master sucked it up and chose Hillary as his VP they’d be right now laughing as they tossed their all but empty except for the ice Big Gulp cups out the car window at a hitchhiking John McCain as they passed his ass on their way to Washington at 100 miles per hour on a desolate Nebraska interstate with thunderstorms approaching and no overpass to hide under anywhere in sight.

Of course as I’ve said, unlike my mad eagle eye college football handicapping skillz, my campaign crystal ball is suffering from cataracts. But with McCain’s numbers rising, it sure looks like Obama’s chances have just been dashed.

That’s as WWF as I can muster. What say you…?

A fortunate son...

2008-08-25T10:51:00.016-04:00

West Point is a place steeped in tradition. My dad sometimes complains that they go too far by inventing new traditions each year that diminish the more long standing ones, or spend excessive amounts of time and energy managing the endless list of them. Recently sophomore Superintendent Lt. Gen. Franklin L. Hagenbeck directed that the lyrics to the academy's hauntingly beautiful alma mater changed to be both gender inclusive after hearing it played at a recent female graduate’s funeral. It might have taken forty seven committee’s and thumbs up/down all the way up the chain, but it was clearly the right thing to do.

Change has always been a challenge at West Point and to West Pointers themselves. Its alumni are a powerful and vocal influence with any and all aspects of what goes on there and when something new is proposed, The Long Gray Line will always have an opinion. For me, The Long Gray Line concept and tradition is by far the most impressive aspect about West Point. It trumps all civilian college fraternal institutions and tradition by light years. At its foundation it dictates to those at the front of the line that there is a soldier directly behind in formation that will have thier back for the rest of their life whether in combat or at any other time and that formation trails back over 200 years. As current or future members of The Long Gray Line, acknowledgement of your predecessors is what Gen. Douglas MacArthur meant when he thundered his challenge "…what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be” to my dad’s class during his famous Duty, Honor, Country speech back in 1962. I can tell from being around these men and women for most of my life that this tradition they hold dear.

When the academy created the tradition of having 50th anniversary classes sponsor incoming classes my dad more than likely winced. Then, a couple of months ago his class leadership asked that he be their representative and stand in review at the class of 2012 recognition ceremony and parade this past weekend (he’s the gray haired guy with his "shoulders back, chin up!" to the right of the uniformed soldier with the Airborne patch on his shoulder).

When I look at this picture it affirms for me that my father is simply the embodiment of General MacArthur’s expectation and I cannot possibly describe in words how proud I am to walk in his shadow.

Random shit and shinola

2008-08-20T11:02:00.033-04:00

Is there any wonder people* make fun of Southerners? I mean what the fuck?! This bit of ridiculousness has been all over the local media for the past week or so. Before the “scam” was revealed, every time I’d see/read a story about these two morons I’d punch myself in the face. As a transplanted New Yorker, it has become clear to me how these people lost the Civil War**. The Union army simply came across the Kennasaw Battle Field dressed in monkey suits and the Reb’s dropped their weapons and ran. Shezzz…

The tape restoration project I mentioned in a post a couple weeks ago was a resounding success. I've dumped the five songs to digital and they hold up well. I've got an ART VLA Vactrol Tube Compressor coming so I can attempt some mixes on my own, and may even ask Jackson and his crew to take a crack at them if I get them to sound at all decent on my own. I'll post them here when they're done.

I have ceased eating, sleeping, and showering since I picked one of these up last week. Since I foolishly got one for my wife too, we've not had relations since I presented it to her.***

Me: Hey Wright Brothers, what are you guys working on there?

Orville and Wilbur: It's a flying machine that will forever change the world.

Me: Whatev's... Can you can load 2,500 metal songs, surf porn on the internets, and text your buds on it?

O & W: Well, no Tony...

Me: Than suck on this fly boys!!!

O & W: Tony, you have defeated us. I guess we'll just go drink some Draino even though it hasn't been invented yet either.

It's simply the greatest invention ever.

Next week the most wonderful time of the year gets underway and I'm trying not to get too excited about it or otherwise be unable to sleep a wink. For the benefit of those that live in Afghanistan or having no life whatsoever, we're talking about college football season of course. Although it will be an unusual season opener at Georgia Tech (they open on Thursday night curtailing our standard Ringling Bros. size tailgate), I'm still overjoyed that the season has finally arrived and look forward to taking, NOT asking, but TAKING all you football pool participants money. Each Saturday for the next four months I'll either be here, here, or in front of here if anybody needs to reach me. If folks out there find themselves in the Atlanta area and would like to join us for a game please give me a shout. I will guarantee you board your return flight home in complete state of human wreckage and hungover like you've never been.

*Okay Jackson and Beckeye

**Or as it's referred to by the WWF pay-per-view version many of the 'things weren't so bad back then' morons call it "The War of Northern Aggression"

***Yeah right, like that would ever happen, we're like rabbits. No, seriously. Don't believe me? Ask her. Oh, wait a minute, don't do that...

Hey! The wackjobs in CA got one right...

2008-08-13T10:10:00.008-04:00

I picked up this story up over at Balloon Juice. All states including the one I reside in better take note.

You want to read some funny (and scary) shit click this link and grab some tissues. Bloggers donated money to send this guy to the Creation Museum and report what he saw. Assuming I could even have lasted to the naked Cat Stevens looking guy in the Garden of Eden display, seeing that one would have definately put me over the top and resulted in me being banned from the CM set forever.

There are some crazy people in this world...

No, this is NOT a caption contest...

2008-08-11T11:38:00.008-04:00

Key capos in the West Point Skateboard Mafia from L to R: Chris L, Tony Alva, Brain H.

My good friend and Jackson's older brother sent this one to me this morning and it has lifted my spirits a great deal. From the freshness of the Iron Maiden tattoo just visable on my arm, I'm guessing it's circa 1983-84. The location I can't quite make out, but there is a glass of beer in the lower right of the frame.

I think we might have been out knocking on doors selling magazines or something...

When I'm sixty-four...

2008-08-11T10:45:00.011-04:00

As wiped out as I was last night after a full weekend of activity, I still managed to bum myself out into an insomniatic state and ended up watching the U.S. Men's swimming team steal the gold from the Frogs who had stated in a recent press conference that the U.S .Team was theirs to poop on in the relay event. Suck it Frenchy, who's on the higher medal stand now. The look of defeat on their faces was priceless. The mood lift was temporary though.

What was I bummed out about? Well, today my kid starts 1st grade. She's been excited for a week (I NEVER got excited about going back to school EVER). I'm extremely happy that she's happy, but it's just another passing milestone that unmistakably means she's getting older.

Yesterday she invited a friend over to swim and the two of them gave ol' Tony no quarter. My pleas to give my fatass ten minutes to peacefully float along on my raft fell on deaf ears as they spent the better part of two hours turning me over into the water. As I exited the water in defeat, I sat and chatted up Mrs. Alva for a while and at one point the reality struck me: There will be a time, sooner than later, when she will NOT want me or her mom to hang out while she swims with her friends. It'll go something like this...

Her:"Mom can Kendra come over to swim?"

Mrs. Alva: "Sure, as a matter of fact, your father and I were going to jump in ourselves"

Her: "Nevermind, Whatev's. I'm gonna go hangout on Facebook for the next 42 hours instead..."

That will suck. I'll look like those French swimmers last night as they saw the scores flash up on the board.

I guess I just need to enjoy these days while I have them. We walked her to the bus stop together this morning and it was cool that she wanted us to be there with her. There were a bunch of other parents there, dad's in tow for the first day. All the kids were going apey and pinging all over the place. As the bus pulled away and I choked back a tear, like a stage curtain, it revealed a crowd of unaccompanied skulking pre-teens making their way to the corner stop for the next bus. They were all dragging these enormous bookbags on wheels and obvously bumming hard that their days of sleeping until noon had come to a seasonal end. Not a smile could be found anywhere. They looked like soldiers on the Batan death march.

Ah, I remember those days myself. Man, do I NOT want her to get that old. EVER.

But, she will.

At least college football starts in two weeks. sigh...

Big plate of Favre beans and a nice Chianti...

2008-08-07T09:06:00.015-04:00

Wow. When I went to bed last night, the wire was reporting that the Tampa Bay Bucks were going to get him, but when I flipped on the tube this morning the top story was that Brett Favre is going to play for the New York Jets this year. I guess we'll have to see how seminal Jet fan and uber blogger Jackson reacts to this latest development, but I myself am pretty psyched about it really. I like the Jets almost as much as my home team and my life long homeboys the hapless Oakland Raiders.

Of course lots has been made in the last few weeks about Brett’s indecision and second false retirement (how many farewell tours has Kiss done?), and feelings are hurt pretty bad up in Green Bay (another team that I happen to like a lot) amongst fans, players, and officials alike.

The bottom line is that Green Bay made the right move by sticking with their young up and comer Aaron Rodgers. They absolutely had to. I’m inclined to think that Brett had no allusions about usurping the Packer’s plan set in place when he announced he’d be leaving football at the end of last season.

Having said all that, I wonder why the Packer organization knowing that this was what was going to be the outcome couldn’t have done this deal more gentlemanly and in a more professional manner? Green Bay fans were going to be bummed no matter what, but I see no upside at all to pissing Brett off to the point that he’ll feel uncomfortable making his way to Green Bay in his real retirement for the sure to number in the millions invites he's going to get to honor his career with the Pack? I’m not letting Brett off the hook by any means since I’m certain his personality played a roll in all the acrimony, and after all, it was his indecisiveness that created the shit storm to begin with, but the Packer front office would have been smart to have acknowledged Favre's upper hand from the beginning, worked to maximize their trade leverage, and been able to shake the guy's hand while he cleared out his locker. I’m confident that the relationship will repair over time, but I’m miffed at how it got to this elevated temperature.

As for the Jets, I think they’ve got to sit Chad Pennington right away and try to get their money out of Favre. I like Chad a lot as does Jackson. He’s a motivator on and off the field and while not blessed with a Peyton Manning rocket arm, or Mike Vick speed, he’s a leader in the Richard Todd sense. Good for the Jets. I’m more excited about the lesser game of pro football than I’ve been in years.

As for the Pack, shrug it off and stick with the plan you put in place back last winter. With any luck, Rodgers will be the next *Romo.

*This in no way means that I like Romo or the Dallas Cowgirls in any way shape or form. Just saying he's taken his team farther than his predecessor. For all intent and purposes the Dallas Cowboys blow and will always blow.

A rich foamy lather…

2008-08-01T16:45:00.006-04:00

This is how the bullshit MSM can stir up a shit storm that not only fails to address the facts at hand, but actually curtails the meting of justice. One case here, the other here.

You can accuse me of jumping to conclusions and assuming guilt all you want, but I have a strong feeling that in both cases a group of individuals baited a lone individual into a confrontation and the group ended up in a circle kicking their victims into a bloody pulp. The only diff in the degree of criminal behavior perpetrated by the assailants being that in the Pennsylvania case the victim died.

From a media perspective, the Pennsylvania assailants are worthy to be given the needle (and rightly so), yet in the Louisiana case the assailants are hero’s because a judge arguably wanted to charge them with attempted murder.

Get a fucking clue people!!! They’re ALL violent fucking thugs that deserve to go to prison for a long time at a minimum.

Recuse the judge if his statements were out of order in the Jena case, but put ALL these thugs on trial for felonies that fit the heinousness of their intent the day they gang beat their victims.

I swear if those Jena creeps walk on account of all this bullshit I’m moving to Canada…