I read the news today oh boy...
Some news seems to immediately trump what was only moments ago screaming front page headlines. Take for instance the events of Saturday: Florida’s loss to Ole Miss, on a blocked extra point even! That WAS news I tell ya. Just as that was being telegraphed over the wire, the University of Maryland Terrapins upset the number twenty-two ranked Clemson Tigers. Wow! Things are getting wackier and my day is getting brighter with each passing moment was what I was telling myself. Then, relegating the Terps big upset to the backseat was an even more mind blowing turn of events that made all educated people in the state of Georgia forget the long gas lines (due to the fake gas shortage), Georgia went down 31-0 in the first half of what was supposed to be their national championship coming out party against the Alabama Forrest Gumps and never got in the game. It was an ugly scene between the hedges out in Athens my friends. Thousands of UGA undergrads mournfully wandering back to their dorm rooms to study for that tow truck operator’s exam they had coming up this morning. I'm no stickler for spelling as anyone who reads this terrible blog knows, but can we stop spelling 'Dogs' dawgs?
But the scoop of all scoops came unexpectedly on Sunday as morning gave way to afternoon as speaker Nancy Pelosi was announcing tentative agreement had been reached on the Wall Street bailout plan. Yes, after battling through a serious cold and slight bit of a hangover due to the prior night’s festivities, Tony Alva shot a round of 89 at the Flat Creek Country Club’s Homestead/Old Mill course. This was Tony’s first foray into the wonderful world of sub 90’s golf. Now THAT is some hard hitting news right there boys. When asked, I can now answer the question “What do you shoot?” with confident and casually arrogance, “Oh, I shoot in the eighties… Can you now go fetch me a plate of jumbo shrimp from the buffet please. Com’on, move along, Tony’s hungry, and put a little cocktail sauce on the side of the plate for me will you…”.
Oh yeah, nice slaughter of the Arizona Cardinals: The Last Place Arizona Cardinals, Perhaps the Worstest Team Ever Assembled - Ever! at the hands of the ever increasingly confident New York Jets. Can anyone tell me what the hell uniforms the Jets were sporting out there Sunday? I saw the highlights on Sports Center and thought the Cardinals were getting pummeled by the equally lousy St’ Louis Rams or something. Mathdude, it’s time to pick a new team my man. I’ve heard that Stan Brock is looking to get the Cardinals on Army’s schedule in lieu of Navy this December.
How’d everybody else do?